what is a good denomination for an ex-Catholic?

[Anonymous]

I know this isn't quite as exciting as some recent threads, but I'm hoping that some of the ex-Catholics lurking here might share their thoughts/ideas/suggestions with me. Please be gentle as this is a very sensitive topic for me, and it's a bit hard for me to ask, even to an anonymous forum. I grew up Catholic, am not a practicing Catholic anymore because I'm not happy with the church's stance on some key issues (related to the treatment of gay people, women, and children). I'd like to start going to church again so we can raise our kids in a religious/spiritual community. And so I can get to know God again. I pray on my own but it would be nice to have some kind of structure to it and to be part of a faith-based community.

When I took a Beliefnet quiz trying to figure out which denomination I am, it said my beliefs align most closely with the Quakers and Unitarians. I've been to some Unitarian services, and they don't talk about God quite enough. It felt almost like attending a lecture intended to convince me of things I already believe in. I've been to Methodist services and liked a lot of things about them, but it is very focused on Jesus to the point where I felt uncomfortable because I'm questioning and am not so sure about all the teachings related to Jesus. I feel much more comfortable when the focus is on God in general. Several people have advised me to seek out a liberal Episcopalian church since that's closer to Catholicism in culture, but I went to one and it felt a bit cold/formal. Any suggestions of denominations or congregations I might consider? I'm in Kensington. Bethesda/Silver Spring/Rockville are close to me. Thanks in advance for any kindly-worded suggestions!

[Anonymous]

Try Episcopalian again. Shop around. There are many warm congregations.

[Anonymous]

I know tons of Catholics who became Unitarians. It's the religion of choice for lapsed Catholics.

[Anonymous]

I'd still say Episcopalian. Just maybe try a few different places until you find one you like.

[Anonymous]

Try the UCC. As close as you can get to Unitarian while still worshipping God and examining what Jesus's teachings mean for us today. Many, if not most, UCC churches are open and affirming, meaning welcoming to the GLBT community. (The UCC was the first Christian denomination to ordain an openly gay pastor, in 1972.) Very laid back/liberal theology: believers, doubters and seekers all find spiritually nurturing food. At my UCC, former Catholics, former Jews, former Unitarians and former agnostics (even current agnostics) are all members.

[Anonymous]

Try St. John's Norwood - episcopal in Chevy Chase at Bradley & Wisconsin. VERY warm and welcoming.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone...these are helpful responses. And whoever posted about "the religion of choice for lapsed Catholics," thanks for the laugh (-:

[Anonymous]

OP, I left the Catholic church about 20 years ago. I had many reasons for doing so. I respect your conviction to follow your thoughts and feelings where they take you. God gave us free will.

My question for you is: what are you looking for? Are you looking for affirmation? Are you looking for a sense of community where people are affirmed for their choices, whatever they may be? Do you want to exercise your own will and be supported? Is that what religion means to you?

Or are you looking for the truth, whatever IT may be?

From your very thoughtful post, I sense that you are looking for God, the Creator, and that you want a relationship with Him. You're not satisfied with just finding a collection of like-minded people who sing the same songs and worship in a familiar liturgy. You want something real.

Because honestly, why would you waste precious family time and resources on something that's just a loose fit with your ideals? Just for show?

Why not start at the beginning, rather than trying to fit your family into something that feels good? Reread the Catholic catechism. Read Mere Christianity by CS Lewis. Watch the new PBS documentary Catholicism. Research the faith you reject. Do you really reject it, or do you reject what you think it is? Do you know what the Church really teaches about gays, about the role of women?

Here's a blog post by a gay Catholic man. He is very frank about the Church's position, but not in the way you'd expect:

http://littlecatholicbubble.blogspot.com/2011/07/gay-catholic-and-doing-fine.html

Your relationship with God is important. It informs everything about your life. When your children ask you questions about God, you will need to actually believe your answers.

I started my research when my kids starting asking questions. I couldn't fake answers forever. And the answers led me back to the faith I had rejected. I think of myself as a "prodigal daughter.".

No judgment from me. God's love never changes. He is holding your family close. God bless you.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I'm a lapsed Catholic who attends a Catholic church. Once the kids came along and it was time to start CCD, we joined our local parish and started to attend. While I don't support many of the church's teachings (likely the same ones you take issue with -- plus I'm pro-choice), I was raised Catholic and feel at home in a Catholic church so I've decided that I won't let the jerks running the religion to keep me from my faith. I focus on the social justice aspects of the religion (finding poverty, helping your fellow man) and roll my eyes at the rest. And I teach my kids my own brand of Catholocism (sort of like Jesuit-lite). So far, so good. Practicing your faith is a personal journey -- do what's best for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd still say Episcopalian. Just maybe try a few different places until you find one you like.

I agree, although I chose Lutheran over Episcopalian because while the theology and liturgies are virtually identical, I find the Lutherans to be a warmer/more down-home crowd.

Like you, OP, philosophically I align with UUs and Quakers. I have found however, that as a cradle Catholic I still find beauty and comfort and meaning in the liturgy - the UU service felt almost like a meeting to me. For this reason, I focused my search on the liturgical branches of the Protestant churches, and have found a happy home in a Lutheran congregation in Silver Spring.

[Anonymous]

I am a lapsed Catholic who is planning to go back to church very soon (it's the Reconciliation bit that really has me worried).

Funnily enough, I was a UU growing up as a teenager and didn't become Catholic until I was 25.

My family and I went to a UU service earlier this year because I was trying to find something to suit all of us (we're a religiously mixed marriage) and I found absolutely nothing in it at all. Disappointing. But I do think it helped me as a teenager explore things I wanted to know about.

I have a couple of friends who left the Catholic faith, and they either went Episcopalian or Luthern (ELCA, not Missouri Synod). They are all very happy. So if you cannot find a good Catholic church (I am sure you know there are more liberal ones than others), I would look into one of those.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the entire thread, but I recommend checking out All Souls, a UU church in the district. An amazing fellowship.

[Anonymous]

OP, since you're not too far from Rockville, you might try Christ Church in downtown Rockville. It's a pretty warm and laid-back Episcopal church.

[Anonymous]

Episcopalians. We're EXACTLY like Catholics, just without a Pope. The Mass is the SAME.

[Anonymous]

Hahahahahah. Unitarians are like buddhist hippies. Would not mesh with ex-Catholic. Way too new-agey.