should I let teen quit music lessons?

[Anonymous]

DS is quite good at the instrument (not just proud mother here, really). He claims he loves it, but he never practices, so lessons are a waste of money. He doesn't have any other big passions in his life (such as a sport he loves), so it is not as though quitting will make more time for something else valuable. It will just make more time for vegging. Any thoughts on how to get him over the hump? He does play in several school groups, but he doesn't have to practice to do well in those. Should I let it go? It breaks my heart to do so, as I have played an instrument my whole life and derive great satisfaction from it.

[Anonymous]

Oops, title should have been "should I MAKE" teen quite music lessons. He would be happy to keep taking the lessons without the regular practice.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to his music teacher. Your post isn't really clear: he's quite good and plays in several school groups and has no other interests, so why would you make him quit? Figure out instead how to get him to practice.

[Anonymous]

just take a break form lessons and see how it goes. It sounds like he can continue the school groups without taking lessons.

[Anonymous]

Yes, practicing is the issue. The teacher has been really patient with him and says he gets by without it, but knows what he could accomplish if he would commit to regular practice. Hate to give up the lesson slot because it's a great time for us, and we'd never get it back. The school groups are fun for him socially but not satisfying musically. So I guess that narrows my question down to ... how do you get a teenager to commit to regular practice? Bribery? Take away stuff (like the phone or the xbox?). I should think at this age (15) that wouldn't be necessary, and I don't want to associate music practice with rewards and punishments--it ought to be intrinsically rewarding at this point. He's just lazy!!

[Anonymous]

Tell him he has to quit the groups unless he starts practicing. Or for every 30 mins he practices he earns 30 mins of time doing something he likes (Xbox, TV, internet). It's just like homework. The child doesn't get to "play" unless he's finished with his work.
I wouldn't pay for lessons if the child never practiced.

[Anonymous]

Make him help pay for the lessons. Maybe he only likes playing when he is at the lessons and other times prefers other hobbies...

[Anonymous]

Be happy that he is enjoying music and pay for the lessons is you can afford it. A 15 year old is NOT a 7 year old that should have to earn 1/2 hour of xbox time. That's a drug situation due to controlling parents waiting to happen.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the teacher.

I wouldn't say it is necessary to practice EVERY DAY, but no practice and there's no progress.

Perhaps make him pay, and the share he pays is smaller if there's at least a few hours practice a week?

Also, does your child toodle around on said instrument playing other songs besides the assigned? I know my kid doesn't practice his scales as often as I would like, but he certainly shows evidence of enjoying the instrument by actually playing things he likes.

[Anonymous]

I was a pretty good piano player, not a prodigy in any sense, but decent enough to be a music major. In high school my heart just wasn't in it. I played in many school groups, but the hardcore practice necessary to do really well at recitals and to go on to college just wasn't going to happen. I don't think anything could have changed that. I played in several ensembles in college though, and a few years out of college bought a piano and have had one ever since. I'm not a good player anymore, but I still get enjoyment out of learning to play. Even if I'm just playing "Elmo's Song" for my DD . No advice really - you may not be able to convince your child one way or the other.

[Anonymous]

He might need a new teacher.

I hear you that the time slot is great for your schedule. But to take you at your word, you have a child who has talent, and yet the teacher isn't inspiring him to improve.

You might at least like to look around to see if a different teacher would spark him better.

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I'd keep letting him do the lessons. It would be a shame to quit now. I play 2 instruments and definitely went through periods when I didn't practice. But if there was something to work towards (e.g. school leaving exams) then I practiced. Perhaps the teacher could put him in for some exams or contests? Regardless, I think you should let him continue and not hassle him. Alternatively, you could look into another type of music - e.g. studying jazz instead of classical on the instrument.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he needs more of a challenge--something that he needs to practice to be competent at.

[Anonymous]

I'm with the last PP -- sounds like he needs more of a challenge. I know people knock teens as lazy and unambitious but most of the ones I know (including my own three) thrive on feeling a sense of mastery and accomplishment. If the school groups aren't giving your son enough of a challenge and a sense of progress as a musician, I'd suggest that you try to work with him, his private teacher and his school teacher to identify more challenging opportunities -- e.g., county honors groups, competitions, master classes, playing in the pit band for community theatre, playing regularly at a nursing home, teaching younger kids, etc. Look for situations where he can hang with other kids who share his interest and who can spark a higher commitment level.

[Anonymous]

When I didn't practice, and I loved my piano lessons and playing the piano, my parents stopped my lessons and told me that they would let have them back but only if I practiced one hour every day for the next 6 months. I was heartbroken but I practiced 7 days a week for the 6 months and they reinstated my lessons. They were right, lessons cost money and if I couldn't practice then I didn't deserve the privilege of the lessons.