Rambunctious Boys

[Anonymous]

Are all boys in the 6-10 age range wild and rambunctious? We've had some playdates (or whatever you call them at this age) at our house, and I'm pretty sure they don't act this way at their own house: banging on things, being extremely loud, climbing on everything, breaking toys, you get the picture. I am trying to set parameters with them, but they just don't seem to listen, so I plan to take a break with this/these particular child/ren. I should mention it to the moms, I suspect. How do I bring it up without sounding like their kid is the brat that they are being? Any other suggestions from seasoned moms? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Of course not! I have boys this age, and no they don't spend the entire time doing this. On occasion, one or more of those behaviors will occur (even with girls I might add). But, it's your house, you need to set limits. I just tell the kid to stop, and it's never really been an issue (except once with a 5yo).

Also, your kids are old enough to know what you expect from them and their friends. My kids wouldn't let their friends break their toys, so THEY would say something. When it starts to get crazy, send them outside. It's your house, your rules, no need to talk to the moms.

[Anonymous]

pp here....You need to manage the playdates if you're having that much trouble. I mean if the kids are starting to get crazy, then we need to switch it up and have a snack. And, if they're throwing something, then I tell ds to show them a new toy or I send them to another room. If they're playing on a video game for too long, then I'll send them outside. I don't think it's necessarily the other kids' (or their parents) problems, you need to guide these kids. Hang out with them, talk to them.

[Anonymous]

I'm the mother of a six year old boy and if he ever behaved at someone's home in the manner you describe, I would want to know about it. In detail. And I would deal with him at home appropriately. OP, I don't think you're doing any of these parents a favor by just dropping them without giving specifics as to why. You can be nice about it ("the boys are just too rambunctious together at our house") and then follow up with details if asked.

[Anonymous]

No, all boys are not like this, and thanks to the moms who insist that a Y chromosome is a ticket to obnoxiousness without consequences.

[Anonymous]

Lots of boys in this age range are indeed as described. A Y chrom. is not a ticket to anything but its still true that this is not uncommon behavior either. And of course some kids are higher energy then others.

[Anonymous]

If you're looking for a gentle way to tell parents their kids were trouble. "They had a great time. They wore me out a bit but we're so glad you came over." They'll ask what you mean . . . supply as much detail as you wish.

My son is only 5. But I already know which of his dear friends can be trusted to play unsupervised and which I have to manage. Depending on my energy level it's a good day for some and not others on any given day.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for perspective. I think part of the problem is that the boys are getting too comfortable here, they are here several times per week. There is a two-for-one deal, so it is very difficult for me sometimes, given exigent circumstances (I don't wish to go into detail here). The funny/sad part is, I am on top of it, they just don't listen. I am given the impression the dad travels a lot and the mom is overwhelmed. But some other friends are a breeze, consistently, which is just so nice!

[Anonymous]

Whenever we invited boys with the energy level you've described, we went to a nearby park or the pool to play (we didn't have a rough-housing playroom); but these types of behaviors are not typical for boys--only those with extremely high energy levels and/or with parents who haven't set firm limits.

[Anonymous]

I recently held a birthday party at my house and had 9 6-7 yr boys (10 if you include my son). It was crazy. I had a lot of games planned and that kept them occupied, but in between games it was a little crazy. I think it was a combination of the weather (it was a beautiful day) and the number of boys as when it is just one or two, it isn't like that. We sent them outside to hit the pinata and after that we just let them run around like puppies. I noticed that most of the rough behavior came from just a couple of the boys, not all of them. I just made a mental note that these boys are better one on one rather than in a group.

[Anonymous]

As the mother of a rambunctious kid, I would want to know if my child was acting like an ill-mannered nut at your house. I will also mention for sake of another perspective that I'm dense enough to miss the hint if all you told me was that they wore you out. I would think that was sort of normal. I would be A-OK with direct honesty. It might sting a little less if you couch it with, "I figured you would probably want to know..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for perspective. I think part of the problem is that the boys are getting too comfortable here, they are here several times per week. There is a two-for-one deal, so it is very difficult for me sometimes, given exigent circumstances (I don't wish to go into detail here). The funny/sad part is, I am on top of it, they just don't listen. I am given the impression the dad travels a lot and the mom is overwhelmed. But some other friends are a breeze, consistently, which is just so nice!

I think you just answered your own question: no, all boys are not equally rambunctious, and yes, some are pretty much out of control!

[Anonymous]

I would add to the immediately above: And "yes" the ones that are high energy and not necessarily "bad" and its not necessarily that their parents "haven't set firm limits" either. Its normal for some boys at this age to be very high energy - which can translate into very rambunctious play with their peers. (I just had to add that for the several posters here who appear to think the only reason a boy would be rambunctious is that his parents haven't set limits. Sorry, some have limits at home and are just higher energy then others.)

[Anonymous]

Just send them outside. My son is 5 and has lots of energy but only seems to act on it if there are other boys around who like getting wild too. So he is certainly capable of playing quietly (we have playdates sometimes with girls and they play with toys and color and draw) so don't assume all boys are wild. They tend to wind each other up so send them outside until they have blown off some steam. The first 30-45 mins of most playdates with boys at my house is spend outside or they would tear my house apart.

[Anonymous]

OP, some friend combinations are just destructive! The children feed off each others' energy and are swept into a whirlwind of overstimulation. At that point they cannot help themselves and need you to step in.

My 5 year old can wreak havoc with a couple of his friends, but can also play dainty tea parties with others.

Before all control is lost, I try to:
1. clap my hands and loudly say "snack!" or "let's go outside!"
2. failing that, I physically separate the children so that their momentum is lost. Bear hug them one by one into different parts of the house.
3. when they have calmed down, I remind then of the rules (no throwing, no jumping/standing on furniture, no playing on the stairs, etc)
4. between playdates I remind my son of the house rules, or tell him that unless directed otherwise by the parent or nanny, he should behave the same in his friends' houses.