Need advice - MIL issue

[Anonymous]

PP here- the xmas gift of glitter- first year of blatant tacky item.. i haven't given her her bday gift yet.. all of our gifts are really nice (nordstroms)..

[Anonymous]

It sucks but you need to stop caring as much as possible. Don't give her power over your emotions.
And for the rest. your husband is the one who needs to deal with this. He can call her to reminder about your birthday, answer the emails, etc.
When I unfortunately ended up screaming at my MIL because I was so mad at their making racist comments, my DH told me and her to shut up and stop it. He was right. There's nothing to be gained in a screaming fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:do most women expect their MILs to acknowledge their birthdays and mother's days and other holidays? i just thought that was interesting because i definitely don't expect that much from my MIL. if she remembers to include a present for me in the Christmas package, i feel pretty grateful.

I am in agreement with this poster. I don't expect my MIL, or any of my in-laws for that matter, to remember my birthday, mother's day, etc. It is always generous and nice to get a gift, a card, or a call, but I don't expect it. And when I do get something, I usually don't like it, but I don't make a big deal about it. I always say "Thank you" and then put it aside. Now, if I were going to my inlaws for Christmas, and they had bought presents for everyone but me, now that would be weird. Otherwise, IMO the OP is putting too much pressure on herself to have a great relationship with her inlaws. The relationship is what it is, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about it if you can. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but the OP getting upset that her MIL didn't play her birthdate number when in Vegas is kind of ridiculous. And OP wrote her a note about it? It's like they are feeding off each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but the OP getting upset that her MIL didn't play her birthdate number when in Vegas is kind of ridiculous. And OP wrote her a note about it? It's like they are feeding off each other.

OP here. First, thanks everyone for your thoughts. It's really helped me to put things in perspective and to deal with this whole issue accordingly.

To the PP, no, it wasn't a matter of being peeved that my bday numbers weren't played, not at all. It was that she had said in her email note, to everyone, that she had played all of THEIR birthday numbers and conveniently left mine off. It was yet another subtle slap that I wasn't considered to be part of "her" family. It is what it is, that much I've come to accept.

DH and DS are going up tomorrow, without me, and coming back on Sunday. If MIL and that side of the family wants to have any more of a relationship then they'll have to start treating me at least up to the level for which they treat their two dogs.

[Anonymous]

MY MIL does not remember my b-day and I would never expect her to. Why should she? And I think it is totally normal for a mom to play her own kids birthday dates, and not her daughters in law. Honestly - I think you are too sensitive.

Traveling 2 hours for a family reunion seems actually like a greate idea to me, why dont you want to do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MY MIL does not remember my b-day and I would never expect her to. Why should she? And I think it is totally normal for a mom to play her own kids birthday dates, and not her daughters in law. Honestly - I think you are too sensitive.

Traveling 2 hours for a family reunion seems actually like a greate idea to me, why dont you want to do it?

If you didn't notice - she played her son in law's birthday number AND the celebration is, in part, in honor of her son in law. She is purposely neglecting her daughter in law.

I think it's well known, for most families, that the wife buys the cards and gifts - I know I do. If she gets a card, she knows it was ME who bought it for her. To be ignored when it's her turn to receiprocate is rude.

I don't think it's a stretch for a MIL to remember the birthday - by writing it on a calendar, for gosh sakes, of a family member, which a daughter in law is! Show respect ad kindness to the mother of your grandchild! The wife of your son! Show a little respect.

[Anonymous]

My MIL sent a card that she made with a cute picture of our child and me on it for my birthday. Then she phoned on the day of. Then she sent a present for me in with the baby's birthday present (our birthdays are close).

My own parents got me a card.

This just to say that I think whether or not a slight was meant has to do with what is expected in that family. In my family, birthdays are smalltime. In my husband's family, it is a much bigger deal. Oh, and my parents (who adore my husband) actually got him the same birthday card two years in a row. I'm sure in the OP's case she's annoyed at the treatment of her birthday only in comparison to the way her MIL treats other family birthdays, not because she's six and this is her special princess day. Right, OP?

[Anonymous]

I don't expect my in-laws to remember my birthday or send anything. My mom and dad remember DH's birthday and always call and send something, but they are just those kind of people. My mom knows the birthday of everyone of her employees and my dad's co-workers. I just don't see the point in getting all worked up about it. We have a whiteboard calendar on the kitchen wall and I write all of the birthdays I know for the month on there. DH will check the calendar and make the birthday calls. He never writes his family's birthdays up there. And, FWIW, don't ask me when my in-laws birthdays are, I don't have a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL sent a card that she made with a cute picture of our child and me on it for my birthday. Then she phoned on the day of. Then she sent a present for me in with the baby's birthday present (our birthdays are close).

My own parents got me a card.

This just to say that I think whether or not a slight was meant has to do with what is expected in that family. In my family, birthdays are smalltime. In my husband's family, it is a much bigger deal. Oh, and my parents (who adore my husband) actually got him the same birthday card two years in a row. I'm sure in the OP's case she's annoyed at the treatment of her birthday only in comparison to the way her MIL treats other family birthdays, not because she's six and this is her special princess day. Right, OP?

OP here, absolutely. MIL definitely makes a big to-do with everyone's birthday. This is definitely not a class of "it's my special day, everyone should acknowledge me" as much as it is that she makes a pretty big announcement about everyone else's birthday (including BIL).