just friends with member of the opposite sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met a guy recently and he gave me his contact info. I want a strictly plantonic friendship. I have a boyfriend who lives in another state. I had a lot fun talking to this guy and I thought maybe we could just be friends. The guy doesn't know that I have a boyfriend though. We just talked for about 15 minutes and then I had to go. I am just wondering how to word this is an e-mail?

He wants to fuck your brains out.
Are you really this naive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. bummer. I recently moved here and don't know many people in the area (by which I mean I know no one in the area).

You're 22 and guessing the guy is around your age as well. That means there is only a 0.00000001 percent chance he wants to be friends and not fuck you. Sorry, but that's the truth as other PPs have said.

[Anonymous]

Sure it's fine in general, but not if when you met the guy he was trying to date you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure it's fine in general, but not if when you met the guy he was trying to date you.

how do I know if he is trying to date me? We met at the bus stop and just talked about a movie and living in Europe.
It was a very brief conversation. I really enjoyed talking to him though. He's not 22. I'm actually not sure how old he is because I didn't ask him.
I'm guessing late 20s. He mentioned finishing law school.

[Anonymous]

OP- what do you want out of this relationship? If you want to go out to eat, maybe see a movie, hang out at his place, talk about your fears and concerns, have him lend a shoulder- this would be called an emotional affair. As a guy, I'll say that any man who is willing to put in that kind of work either wants to sleep with you or is gay. There are some guys who would be fine with a non-sexual friendship with a woman but not many. I guess if you're okay with your BF doing the same thing with a similar, hypothetical female friend then go for it. But doing stuff one-on-one with a guy friend would constitute an emotional affair in my book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- what do you want out of this relationship? If you want to go out to eat, maybe see a movie, hang out at his place, talk about your fears and concerns, have him lend a shoulder- this would be called an emotional affair. As a guy, I'll say that any man who is willing to put in that kind of work either wants to sleep with you or is gay. There are some guys who would be fine with a non-sexual friendship with a woman but not many. I guess if you're okay with your BF doing the same thing with a similar, hypothetical female friend then go for it. But doing stuff one-on-one with a guy friend would constitute an emotional affair in my book.

I'm a man, and I completely agree with PP.

[Anonymous]

That's a good way of looking at it - would you be okay if your boyfriend met a woman in the same fashion and pursued a friendship with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's a good way of looking at it - would you be okay if your boyfriend met a woman in the same fashion and pursued a friendship with her?

OP again. I would absolutely be okay with this. My BF knows that I have a few guy friends and he's okay with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met a guy recently and he gave me his contact info. I want a strictly plantonic friendship. I have a boyfriend who lives in another state. I had a lot fun talking to this guy and I thought maybe we could just be friends. The guy doesn't know that I have a boyfriend though. We just talked for about 15 minutes and then I had to go. I am just wondering how to word this is an e-mail?

You didn't tell new guy up front you had a boyfriend. Seems like you are looking for something more....

[Anonymous]

OP here. I was just excited to meet someone since I moved recently and I have no friends. So when he attempted conversation with me, I tried not to immediately write him off.

There was just never a point in a conversation where I could say this and indicate that I have a boyfriend. He was super polite. There have been times when it is clear that friendly conversation is not in the cards (i.e., those men who say things like, "hi cutie, sexy etc, etc." He wasn't like that at all.

[Anonymous]

He defiantly wants to bang you

[Anonymous]

An the fact that you never said anything about the bf says to me you might bang him

[Anonymous]

My dad hardly ever gave me advice in my life. He wanted us to figure things out ourselves. So I will never forget when he told me, "guys don't ever just want to be friends.". I'm 35 now, and so far he's been right.

[Anonymous]

New poster here. With all of this talk about age, are you saying that perhaps a man in his 40's may actually have a platonic relationship with a woman? I ask because I am trying to figure out if my 40-something friend sees me as a platonic friend or an emotional affair. No, we do not go places together much but see each other several times a week in the course of events and talk every day.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is fucked up. I date men and women, if I didn't befriend people of the gender I date I wouldn't have any friends! For everyone saying that talking about your hopes/dreams, fears etc is an emotional affair--that is the stuff I talk to my best girl friends about, is it only an emotional affair if it's someone of the opposite gender?