Am I crazy to consider reconciliation with a nutty, cheating husband?

[Anonymous]

first and formost, you are NOT crazy. Deciding to divorce is not easy. My situation is extremly similar, except now my kids are grown. My husband has cheated on me at least 9 times and moved in with 4 different women over our 24 year marriage. He has had more jobs than I could ever keep track of (more than 20-he's a truck driver). We have been to counseling 3 times but he has refused counseling on his own. He is always Sorry and contrite. He will be on his best behavior for a couple months then resort to his old self. He is a habitual liar and I don't trust him in any regard. He is also not good with money. He is a "good" father. we get along well, although our communication is not great and he is a good lover. I have never had the courage to stay separated from him and have filed for divorce twice. Recently a serious old flame came into the picture by chance. We started to communicate and fell back in love. He is divorced after 26 years and never cheated on his wife (I confirmed this with his family) He is a kind and loving man. He has flaws, as we all do. I never could have left my husband without the love and support of this new man. My kids who are in their 20's support my decision to divorce him 100%. Although he has never been diagnosed, I have always suspected that he has a personality disorder. He hails from an extremely disfunctional family. I understand the conflict that you feel divorcing him. I too am terribly conflicted. I am a christian and understand that "God hates divorce". My husband wants to get back together and contstantly tells me how much he loves me. I have to think about the negatives and all the bad stuff he has done to me in order to keep moving forward. Follow your instincts and pray about your situation. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:first and formost, you are NOT crazy. Deciding to divorce is not easy. My situation is extremly similar, except now my kids are grown. My husband has cheated on me at least 9 times and moved in with 4 different women over our 24 year marriage. He has had more jobs than I could ever keep track of (more than 20-he's a truck driver). We have been to counseling 3 times but he has refused counseling on his own. He is always Sorry and contrite. He will be on his best behavior for a couple months then resort to his old self. He is a habitual liar and I don't trust him in any regard. He is also not good with money. He is a "good" father. we get along well, although our communication is not great and he is a good lover. I have never had the courage to stay separated from him and have filed for divorce twice. Recently a serious old flame came into the picture by chance. We started to communicate and fell back in love. He is divorced after 26 years and never cheated on his wife (I confirmed this with his family) He is a kind and loving man. He has flaws, as we all do. I never could have left my husband without the love and support of this new man. My kids who are in their 20's support my decision to divorce him 100%. Although he has never been diagnosed, I have always suspected that he has a personality disorder. He hails from an extremely disfunctional family. I understand the conflict that you feel divorcing him. I too am terribly conflicted. I am a christian and understand that "God hates divorce". My husband wants to get back together and contstantly tells me how much he loves me. I have to think about the negatives and all the bad stuff he has done to me in order to keep moving forward. Follow your instincts and pray about your situation. Good luck to you.

So you cheated on your husband in order to rationalize divorce? Truly your husband sounds awful but you having an affair isn't any more respectable than his affairs. You should have left him than moved on. He should have done the same.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am well aware that I cheated on my husband and NO, I did not and have never tried to rationalize it. I, like you, have been extremely judgemental of those having extramarital affairs. I have never been anything less than 100% totally committed to my husband and my family----until 4 months ago. The affair "just happend". It was not a sexual affair until I left my husband. You can sit and be as judgemental as you want to be--I'm quite sure that you are not perfect.

[Anonymous]

I'd be really concerned about the Borderline Personality traits. If he has BPD, he's tricking and manipulating you, and you won't know it until you get hurt again. My mom has BPD and she hasn't changed and never will.
Be very careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am well aware that I cheated on my husband and NO, I did not and have never tried to rationalize it. I, like you, have been extremely judgemental of those having extramarital affairs. I have never been anything less than 100% totally committed to my husband and my family----until 4 months ago. The affair "just happend". It was not a sexual affair until I left my husband. You can sit and be as judgemental as you want to be--I'm quite sure that you are not perfect.

It is kind of strange though given you are a cheating spouse to come in and give advice to someone who is the betrayed spouse who is divorcing a cheating spouse. All your lines...it just happened..I was totally committed...I'm not perfect... are such cliche cheater lines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:first and formost, you are NOT crazy. Deciding to divorce is not easy. My situation is extremly similar, except now my kids are grown. My husband has cheated on me at least 9 times and moved in with 4 different women over our 24 year marriage. He has had more jobs than I could ever keep track of (more than 20-he's a truck driver). We have been to counseling 3 times but he has refused counseling on his own. He is always Sorry and contrite. He will be on his best behavior for a couple months then resort to his old self. He is a habitual liar and I don't trust him in any regard. He is also not good with money. He is a "good" father. we get along well, although our communication is not great and he is a good lover. I have never had the courage to stay separated from him and have filed for divorce twice. Recently a serious old flame came into the picture by chance. We started to communicate and fell back in love. He is divorced after 26 years and never cheated on his wife (I confirmed this with his family) He is a kind and loving man. He has flaws, as we all do. I never could have left my husband without the love and support of this new man. My kids who are in their 20's support my decision to divorce him 100%. Although he has never been diagnosed, I have always suspected that he has a personality disorder. He hails from an extremely disfunctional family. I understand the conflict that you feel divorcing him. I too am terribly conflicted. I am a christian and understand that "God hates divorce". My husband wants to get back together and contstantly tells me how much he loves me. I have to think about the negatives and all the bad stuff he has done to me in order to keep moving forward. Follow your instincts and pray about your situation. Good luck to you.

So you cheated on your husband in order to rationalize divorce? Truly your husband sounds awful but you having an affair isn't any more respectable than his affairs. You should have left him than moved on. He should have done the same.

PLEASe get off your high horse. In this case, I'd say an "affair" is more than appropriate, there's no monogamy in this marriage to begin with.