How to ensure my kids inherit my money if my husband remarried and died?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set up a trust. Designate kids as beneficiaries. Talk to your lawyer.

I would be super pissed of DH did this and died and left me with 1/2 what we had before.

Why?!

I don't think anybody philosophically has a problem with what OP is trying to achieve, but I can see a lot of pissed-off spouses based on the way one of the spouses achieves this.

I think everyone is trying to achieve some structure such that the surviving spouse is able to fully utilize 100% of the estate...I mean, it is quite possible they never marry again, so now you just restricted a ton of $$$s that in theory you collectively accumulated...but provides some $$$s protection for the kids if you remarry.

Maybe I am crazy...but if I were to remarry, it is likely someone with similar age and finances. I just don't see a "gold digger" situation as being the norm.

DP:
It's not necessarily a gold-digger situation--but IME a lot of older guys remarry someone slightly younger if their wife dies first and they often leave the money to the new wife who then leaves it to her kids. The older guy is just statistically likelier to die before the new wife both by gender and age and he's just mentally more oriented to caring for her than his adult children at that point. But his late first wife probably would have preferred her portion of the money go to her kids. Most of the women I know whose spouses died, either don't remarry or still leave the money from their first marriage to their kids rather than their new spouse. Maybe this will shift as people who grew up under different gender dynamics age, but as a woman who has earned half the money in my marriage, I want to make sure my spouse is well-taken care of AND that my kids get their share too if I were to die first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set up a trust. Designate kids as beneficiaries. Talk to your lawyer.

I would be super pissed of DH did this and died and left me with 1/2 what we had before.

Imagine how upset the pool boy will be when he realizes there's not as much ready cash as he'd hoped for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set up a trust. Designate kids as beneficiaries. Talk to your lawyer.

I would be super pissed of DH did this and died and left me with 1/2 what we had before.

Why?!

I don't think anybody philosophically has a problem with what OP is trying to achieve, but I can see a lot of pissed-off spouses based on the way one of the spouses achieves this.

I think everyone is trying to achieve some structure such that the surviving spouse is able to fully utilize 100% of the estate...I mean, it is quite possible they never marry again, so now you just restricted a ton of $$$s that in theory you collectively accumulated...but provides some $$$s protection for the kids if you remarry.

Maybe I am crazy...but if I were to remarry, it is likely someone with similar age and finances. I just don't see a "gold digger" situation as being the norm.

DP:
It's not necessarily a gold-digger situation--but IME a lot of older guys remarry someone slightly younger if their wife dies first and they often leave the money to the new wife who then leaves it to her kids. The older guy is just statistically likelier to die before the new wife both by gender and age and he's just mentally more oriented to caring for her than his adult children at that point. But his late first wife probably would have preferred her portion of the money go to her kids. Most of the women I know whose spouses died, either don't remarry or still leave the money from their first marriage to their kids rather than their new spouse. Maybe this will shift as people who grew up under different gender dynamics age, but as a woman who has earned half the money in my marriage, I want to make sure my spouse is well-taken care of AND that my kids get their share too if I were to die first.

So, what is your solution?

[Anonymous]

My MIL got quite a bit of money when FIL died, and a lot of it is in a trust with my husband and his siblings listed as beneficiaries, but they won't have access to it during their mother's life. When she remarried, she and her husband (who has his own assets and children) signed prenuptial agreements to make sure that premarital assets were kept separate in the event of a death (or divorce).

[Anonymous]

Put all of your share of the assets into a trust. You leave directions on how you want your trust allocated. You may choose to make provisions for your husband AND your children. As opposed to giving it all to him and you don't know what he or his next wife will do.

[Anonymous]

We each have a revocable living trust and our assets are divided amongst the two trusts. In the event either of us passes, the other becomes the executor of the other's trust. In the event both of us pass, the trusts will be inherited by the children in even shares. If the children are past their majority, they will inherit their shares. If they are not, all assets are put in the trusts and my spouse's brother becomes the executor. If he is not available, then my brother becomes the executor. Even if one of us remarries, they cannot will any of the assets in the trusts to a new spouse. They would have to withdraw assets from the trusts in order to be able to pass the assets on to a future spouse. The trusts are in the names of the children. Each spouse has executor rights to the access the full amount, but does no have the right to bequeath the trust assets as those are already written in to benefit the children.

You should talk to your lawyer about setting up a revocable living trust that can be inherited by your children, but that your spouse has full access to use the assets in the trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We each have a revocable living trust and our assets are divided amongst the two trusts. In the event either of us passes, the other becomes the executor of the other's trust. In the event both of us pass, the trusts will be inherited by the children in even shares. If the children are past their majority, they will inherit their shares. If they are not, all assets are put in the trusts and my spouse's brother becomes the executor. If he is not available, then my brother becomes the executor. Even if one of us remarries, they cannot will any of the assets in the trusts to a new spouse. They would have to withdraw assets from the trusts in order to be able to pass the assets on to a future spouse. The trusts are in the names of the children. Each spouse has executor rights to the access the full amount, but does no have the right to bequeath the trust assets as those are already written in to benefit the children.

You should talk to your lawyer about setting up a revocable living trust that can be inherited by your children, but that your spouse has full access to use the assets in the trust.

We have this as well...but nothing stops us from doing exactly what you say above.

[Anonymous]

My father did something to his will to ensure this. I think something along the lines of the kids needing to sign off on changes in that specific scenario. He’s a lawyer so he’s extremely detail oriented.

[Anonymous]

I assume one person can set up a revocable trust without the consent of their spouse? Most of my assets are in our home (joint tenants with right of survivorship) and retirement account (goes to spouse), but I also have separate accounts that I started before I was married, some of which I've added to since marriage, and I think I want them to go directly to my kids, as DH also has significant assets under his own control and doesn't need them, and like OP, I can see DH remarrying if I die. So, go solo to an attorney and set them up? I assume as long as DH gets at least 50% of my estate after I die, he couldn't contest it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set up a trust. Designate kids as beneficiaries. Talk to your lawyer.

I would be super pissed of DH did this and died and left me with 1/2 what we had before.

Why?!

I don't think anybody philosophically has a problem with what OP is trying to achieve, but I can see a lot of pissed-off spouses based on the way one of the spouses achieves this.

I think everyone is trying to achieve some structure such that the surviving spouse is able to fully utilize 100% of the estate...I mean, it is quite possible they never marry again, so now you just restricted a ton of $$$s that in theory you collectively accumulated...but provides some $$$s protection for the kids if you remarry.

Maybe I am crazy...but if I were to remarry, it is likely someone with similar age and finances. I just don't see a "gold digger" situation as being the norm.

DP:
It's not necessarily a gold-digger situation--but IME a lot of older guys remarry someone slightly younger if their wife dies first and they often leave the money to the new wife who then leaves it to her kids. The older guy is just statistically likelier to die before the new wife both by gender and age and he's just mentally more oriented to caring for her than his adult children at that point. But his late first wife probably would have preferred her portion of the money go to her kids. Most of the women I know whose spouses died, either don't remarry or still leave the money from their first marriage to their kids rather than their new spouse. Maybe this will shift as people who grew up under different gender dynamics age, but as a woman who has earned half the money in my marriage, I want to make sure my spouse is well-taken care of AND that my kids get their share too if I were to die first.

So, what is your solution?

I don't have one yet! I'm working on it! I have term life insurance right now where DH is 50% beneficiary and each of our kids are 25% each (one is over 18, the other soon will be). So that's something at least. I have some brokerage accounts that have been funded by my spending money over the years that have the kids as beneficiaries only (DH and I do a budget where each of us have a portion of money to do with what we wish. DH is more likely to spend his, I'm a born saver/investor). But this still leaves the bulk of our assets set up where the money goes to the other spouse when the first one dies and then the kids as contingent beneficiaries. But once our kids are both of age, I think we'll either work on setting up a trust--or assess our situation and have each of us designate a certain portion of our retirement assets /shared brokerage accounts that would go directly to the kids when one of us passes. Maybe 70% to the spouse and 15% to each kid? We do have plenty of assets for retirement. I think if we both discuss this and decide on an appropriate balance, . We've also started shifting the assets a bit to the kids, such as funding our kid's Roth IRAs, and we'll likely help with down payments/grandchildren's college when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set up a trust. Designate kids as beneficiaries. Talk to your lawyer.

I would be super pissed of DH did this and died and left me with 1/2 what we had before.

Why?!

I don't think anybody philosophically has a problem with what OP is trying to achieve, but I can see a lot of pissed-off spouses based on the way one of the spouses achieves this.

I think everyone is trying to achieve some structure such that the surviving spouse is able to fully utilize 100% of the estate...I mean, it is quite possible they never marry again, so now you just restricted a ton of $$$s that in theory you collectively accumulated...but provides some $$$s protection for the kids if you remarry.

Maybe I am crazy...but if I were to remarry, it is likely someone with similar age and finances. I just don't see a "gold digger" situation as being the norm.

DP:
It's not necessarily a gold-digger situation--but IME a lot of older guys remarry someone slightly younger if their wife dies first and they often leave the money to the new wife who then leaves it to her kids. The older guy is just statistically likelier to die before the new wife both by gender and age and he's just mentally more oriented to caring for her than his adult children at that point. But his late first wife probably would have preferred her portion of the money go to her kids. Most of the women I know whose spouses died, either don't remarry or still leave the money from their first marriage to their kids rather than their new spouse. Maybe this will shift as people who grew up under different gender dynamics age, but as a woman who has earned half the money in my marriage, I want to make sure my spouse is well-taken care of AND that my kids get their share too if I were to die first.

So, what is your solution?

I don't have one yet! I'm working on it! I have term life insurance right now where DH is 50% beneficiary and each of our kids are 25% each (one is over 18, the other soon will be). So that's something at least. I have some brokerage accounts that have been funded by my spending money over the years that have the kids as beneficiaries only (DH and I do a budget where each of us have a portion of money to do with what we wish. DH is more likely to spend his, I'm a born saver/investor). But this still leaves the bulk of our assets set up where the money goes to the other spouse when the first one dies and then the kids as contingent beneficiaries. But once our kids are both of age, I think we'll either work on setting up a trust--or assess our situation and have each of us designate a certain portion of our retirement assets /shared brokerage accounts that would go directly to the kids when one of us passes. Maybe 70% to the spouse and 15% to each kid? We do have plenty of assets for retirement. I think if we both discuss this and decide on an appropriate balance, . We've also started shifting the assets a bit to the kids, such as funding our kid's Roth IRAs, and we'll likely help with down payments/grandchildren's college when the time comes.

It's easy to create legal structures as long as the surviving spouse accepts they won't get access to 100% of the estate. Again, the tough nut to crack is how the surviving spouse gets access to 100% if they remain unmarried...but somehow it then gets restricted upon remarriage.

[Anonymous]

This is a very common consideration; you could teach just a semester’s worth of material on attempted solutions breaking down or withstanding challenges by the surviving spouse (or that person’s next spouse).

A competent estate lawyer should have an off the shelf solution.

[Anonymous]

I think once you are dead, if they are your beneficiary, they could change the will how they want.

I suggest you leave it directly to your kids (via the will), not spouse.

[Anonymous]

Another reason to do this is that a widowed woman can easily get railroaded by a future male partner to comingle assets, transfer brokerage accounts to "his guy" (a high-fee financial advisor), etc.

Especially if the woman allowed her now-deceased husband to handle the family finances and the future male partner is a pushy know-it-all. She may have no intention of leaving him her estate and keep her kids as the beneficiaries, but this new guy can convince her to spend it down in a way that benefits him. Or gets her into some bad/expensive investments.

This is a way more common scenario than people realize. Maybe even more common than the widower leaving the estate to his conniving 2nd wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a very common consideration; you could teach just a semester’s worth of material on attempted solutions breaking down or withstanding challenges by the surviving spouse (or that person’s next spouse).

A competent estate lawyer should have an off the shelf solution.

How can you teach a semester's worth of material on attempted solutions...yet my competent estate lawyer has an "off-the-shelf solution"?