4th grade boys and birthday party invites

[Anonymous]

I have a 4th grader, he's been invited to 2 so far this year. One all class, one all boys. Last year it was 6-8, most all boys or all class. Many of the PTA board members are in his grade so those parents are partly driving the large parties.

[Anonymous]

My 4th grader is young for his grade and not very athletic. This is relevant because I feel like many boys his age play travel sports or sports that require a commitment 3-4 days a week. Since they don’t text each other yet to make plans, friendships seem to strengthen among those kids who spend time together at the sport or activity.

We were slow to re-join sports and arrange play dates in 2021 and remained wary of covid a bit longer than other families and I realized too late how that hindered my son’s social life and social development. In 2nd and 3rd grade he was invited to lots of parties, but mostly girls. I also think he was sometimes a pity invite. Like the mom added him, not the BD kid. Compared to other 4th grade boys we know, my kid is pretty chill and polite. Other moms tell me he is a “good influence”.

This year he has already been to 4 parties for 10yr old boys (he is 9 and 2 months). We let him start riding his bike around the neighborhood with other 4th and 5th graders and walking home from school with friends one day a week. The independence seems to have helped him build those friendships. That or the age / maturity difference is finally becoming less of an issue.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure you can compare your DC’s experience with others—each classroom, school, neighborhood, group, individual, etc, has its unique norm. I do think the parties generally become less frequent with age, but some groups are more cohesive and social than others. Your DC will be fine regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The all-class parties are pretty much over by 4th. Most kids just do a sleepover or an experience with 2-3 close friends.

Not our experience at all. So many of DS’s friends do weekend activities that it’s hard to get people for play dates or sleepovers. But they come out for the parties. DS has already attended or been invited to three fall birthday parties with two more (including his own) likely coming up in early winter. Agree these are not whole class parties though. They are 10-15 kids at an experience place.

I have a younger kid too and she doesn’t get invited to nearly as much stuff. She is less social but I don’t think that’s all of it because her class is having trouble getting room parents, volunteers for school activities, contributions, etc. whereas DS’s class has no issues and didn’t in previous years either.