Video Game Culture- any way to avoid it

[Anonymous]

I say lighten up about “video game culture.” It used to be that the moral panic was about novels, then comic books, then movies, then TV. Now it’s video games. Video games can be a perfectly healthy and normal way for kids to socialize and have fun. Just be reasonable about it, like anything else.

[Anonymous]

Well, first off, video games are not all bad. Games that are appropriate for a kid’s level can actually be helpful for kids—building tolerance for frustration, problem solving, teamwork, etc. Many, many of these games are like puzzles. Unlike watching TV or a movie, which is more passive, games require cognitive engagement. If you play your cards right, you can leverage the skills they build in their games (like frustration tolerance) and apply them to other things: struggling with this math problem/homework/book? What makes you want to keep playing a game after you’ve died 20x? How do you find the will in that scenario? Help them find it, use it, apply it.

The trick is how to manage the dopamine rush that happens for some people with these games (and with tv, too), and to pay close attention to whether or not your child has an addictive personality. We speak openly with our child about this, explaining how these games, and screens in general, can alter brain chemistry temporarily. We also play WITH our kid nearly every time (lots of games are cooperative) which helps us model self-regulation (“I’m getting frustrated so i want to stop”) and gives us something to work on together.

We also limit screens (television, movies, video games) to weekends only, and then plan things so that we are not sitting around all weekend. We keep the game system in family area so that kids can’t just go to their room and veg out—it’s a family affair when someone is playing and we are all discussing, contributing, and involved. Sometimes, on the week days, we’ll make maps of what we’ve discovered so far, or we’ll talk about strategies we could use to beat particularly difficult enemies.

I think it can be an asset. But you have to be creative about how games are introduced and how they are enjoyed in your home. Set clear boundaries. And talk with your kid about how screens are designed to be addictive and why it is not healthy to spend too much time on a screen.

[Anonymous]

Video games are so much better than watching TV and they are a creative and social activity for boys especially. I get keeping very young kids away and not letting kids play more than an hour or so a day, but there is a level is extreme hate on this board towards video games in particular that I find hard to understand. There is also a level of smugness / superiority from some posters, particularly among moms in my opinion, who have never played video games growing up, and don’t see the appeal themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How do you manage this stuff?

I focus on the positives they are getting from "video games". That includes knowing what they're playing and understanding from my own research what experts say the positives of that game are. If I am seeing those positives, then I wouldn't have a problem with them getting some screen time in that game. If I'm not seeing the positives, or if they're trying to play other games, I'd either learn that new game and approve / reject it, or take away their time for going outside of our agreement or its not being beneficial.

But this is a delicate subject because like junk food, its something that the kids want and if we outlaw it in all forms, then it invites them to either rebel and try to find ways to get around it or then when they are introduced to it at a later age (say an adult) they will not know how to manage their time with it and may find themselves flunking out of college because they can't stop playing games (I had a good friend who did this, and it was weird. He just stayed in his room from second semester freshman year until the middle of sophomore year when he flunked out. And he was into so many things outside of video games, like being a gym rat and study groups and stuff. But I think once freshman year hit him and especially when he broke up with his girlfriend and started playing video games more, he just stopped hanging out with us).

There's also a question of what is a video game. Do you differentiate between online chess and board chess? websudoku vs sudoku in books? There are some PBS Kids games (more for younger kids) that are good at teaching concepts outside of school. There are a lot of flash cards "games". Then there are RPG type games that I'd put into two categories - the more mystical and fantasy but nonviolent or less violent, and the more violent ones. I definitely try to steer my kids away from those more violent games, but this is not a conversation of "don't go here". Its more a thing of "doesn't this game look like fun" where the thing I'm dangling in front of them is a game that I've studied and trust more than a violent one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say lighten up about “video game culture.” It used to be that the moral panic was about novels, then comic books, then movies, then TV. Now it’s video games. Video games can be a perfectly healthy and normal way for kids to socialize and have fun. Just be reasonable about it, like anything else.

+1 it is the new heavy metal music.

Like anything else, extreme addiction to an activity can be detrimental. No one says its bad when a kid gives up all their social life and spends hours and hours and hours practicing a sport that also takes up a considerable amount of their family unit's bandwidth. But IMO that is also kind of questionable in terms of value add.

A kid getting interested in a hobby and going for it isn't a bad thing as long as they are still getting physical activity and engaging with their peers. That to me is the bar. And I think whenever you make something taboo to a pre-teen/teen they will be drawn to it. I had a pretty rough childhood and found a lot of solace in online communities. And my husband (and I to a lesser extent) does play games! Although not in a way that impacts his engagement with our family so that likely does color my impression!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say lighten up about “video game culture.” It used to be that the moral panic was about novels, then comic books, then movies, then TV. Now it’s video games. Video games can be a perfectly healthy and normal way for kids to socialize and have fun. Just be reasonable about it, like anything else.

They can be a perfectly healthy and normal way to socialize, but they can also be very, very difficult for some kids to step away from and re-engage with real life, just like phones. Too much time spent playing video games can absolutely affect their mood and attention span in pronounced ways. Some kids will have no issues, and some will, just like all other potentially addictive things.

[Anonymous]

I think it is fine to do this when they are this ages but once they get into middle school video games are an important social connection for boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

[b]What really getting to me is that so many of the kids in his class seem to have unlimited video game time and access to games which are totally inappropriate( Fortnite/ roblox). I want I tell these kids parents WTF- what’s wrong with you?

My kids think we are the bad parents for restricting this stuff - I don’t want to tell my kid the truth that his friends parents probably just dump their kids of video games to get some peace and quiet.[b]

How do you manage this stuff?

You really have to be confident you are choosing what is right for your family. Non-judgmental phrases like "different families, different rules" or "in our family, we ..." are helpful here. Don't worry about what other families are doing, or even (within reason) what your kid is doing at other houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Video games are so much better than watching TV and they are a creative and social activity for boys especially. I get keeping very young kids away and not letting kids play more than an hour or so a day, but there is a level is extreme hate on this board towards video games in particular that I find hard to understand. There is also a level of smugness / superiority from some posters, particularly among moms in my opinion, who have never played video games growing up, and don’t see the appeal themselves.

I do hate watching my child clearly addicted to something, I admit. It doesn’t have to be video games, but that’s what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is fine to do this when they are this ages but once they get into middle school video games are an important social connection for boys.

This is essentially the same argument I hear a lot for social media and girls and I think that this is the absolute worst time in their lives to just release them to their digital spaces. So much can go wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say lighten up about “video game culture.” It used to be that the moral panic was about novels, then comic books, then movies, then TV. Now it’s video games. Video games can be a perfectly healthy and normal way for kids to socialize and have fun. Just be reasonable about it, like anything else.

The problem is that I disagree with other families about what is reasonable. I think an hour or two a day is reasonable. I sent my kid for an 8-hour playdate the other weekend (the parents invited my DD over "for the day"), and the girls played video games the entire day, only taking a break for lunch. I think that's not reasonable. It was a beautiful day out. The parent told me, "I wanted to take them for a walk on all the paths near our house, but they didn't want to stop playing." Duh. That's when you step in and parent and turn the screen off. AAP gives guidelines on this kind of thing as well, as remaining sedentary all day is just blatantly unhealthy.

The problem is that kids need to spend time socializing with other kids, and when majority of parents think kids being screen zombies is fine (let's face it, it keeps the kids out of trouble and out of your hair), it's hard to be a dissenter. We live in a neighborhood full of children, but on a beautiful day, they are hardly seen, despite the many playgrounds, ball fields, etc in our planned community. If we all turned off the screens and sent them out, everyone would be happier, especially ME as I go insane trying to keep my elementary aged children entertained all weekend while also trying to manage the home and relax myself.

[Anonymous]

OP, we got a bunch of Minecraft etc books from the library. My kids read the books and now can talk about the games without having to play them for hours.

[Anonymous]

Why would you? Just pay attention to what you choose. Some video media are amazing works of art. Some are great puzzles and fabulous for critical thinking and problem solving. Some are just beautiful great stories. Some foster fun and light hearted competition or role playing and team work. Some introduce educational topics in an engaging way that fosters better retention of information.

I would avoid the mindless trash that is just junk food fueling dopamine release though. And as with all things, pay attention to time and age appropriateness and a well balanced life. Everything in moderation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say lighten up about “video game culture.” It used to be that the moral panic was about novels, then comic books, then movies, then TV. Now it’s video games. Video games can be a perfectly healthy and normal way for kids to socialize and have fun. Just be reasonable about it, like anything else.

The problem is that I disagree with other families about what is reasonable. I think an hour or two a day is reasonable. I sent my kid for an 8-hour playdate the other weekend (the parents invited my DD over "for the day"), and the girls played video games the entire day, only taking a break for lunch. I think that's not reasonable. It was a beautiful day out. The parent told me, "I wanted to take them for a walk on all the paths near our house, but they didn't want to stop playing." Duh. That's when you step in and parent and turn the screen off. AAP gives guidelines on this kind of thing as well, as remaining sedentary all day is just blatantly unhealthy.

The problem is that kids need to spend time socializing with other kids, and when majority of parents think kids being screen zombies is fine (let's face it, it keeps the kids out of trouble and out of your hair), it's hard to be a dissenter. We live in a neighborhood full of children, but on a beautiful day, they are hardly seen, despite the many playgrounds, ball fields, etc in our planned community. If we all turned off the screens and sent them out, everyone would be happier, especially ME as I go insane trying to keep my elementary aged children entertained all weekend while also trying to manage the home and relax myself.

So what happens if you invite the friends to your house?

I have a kid who's prone to screen addiction, and he has one friend who seems to get an awful lot of screen time. We invite him over (admittedly less than some other friends who are good with doing other things), but they know that they're only allowed to play video games together for the last 30 minutes or so of the playdate. My son and I talk beforehand to brainstorm other things they might like to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we got a bunch of Minecraft etc books from the library. My kids read the books and now can talk about the games without having to play them for hours.

Minecraft is an utterly amazing creation. Absolutely brilliant, and no one should deprive a modern child of the educational foundation it provides. This is not your mindless football video game or bloody shooter crap.