Is this a child who has Aspergers?

[Anonymous]

As the mother of a child with AS, I did try to help. But I also felt there was a bit of sensationalist interest in this girl. I would hate to have people look at my son like that. I think many of us felt that, but no one said anything so I am surprised at your defensiveness. All we said was that her diagnosis didn't matter and wasn't really your business, though we all agreed that something should be done about her behavior.

[Anonymous]

Why not put your cell phone away for the short time that you are together sharing the same space? Just read a book?

[Anonymous]

ITA w/ PP's statement. That was exactly my 'concerns' with the OP's posts. I don't see why she would jump at Aspergers. Also, there are ADHD & SID kids who are very impulsive and lack social skills. We do OT, and have met them. OP's tone is pretty arrogant in that it screams, 'of course it's not what MY kid has...'

OP sorry, it might be the same as your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ITA w/ PP's statement. That was exactly my 'concerns' with the OP's posts. I don't see why she would jump at Aspergers. Also, there are ADHD & SID kids who are very impulsive and lack social skills. We do OT, and have met them. OP's tone is pretty arrogant in that it screams, 'of course it's not what MY kid has...'

OP sorry, it might be the same as your kid.

I'm wondering if OP is actually the "my kid is NOT on the spectrum" poster from the toe-walking thread. Only commenting on this because I reacted the same way to that post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering if OP is actually the "my kid is NOT on the spectrum" poster from the toe-walking thread. Only commenting on this because I reacted the same way to that post.

You know, I sort of had the same reaction. It may just be me but in the last month or so there seems to be a few posters (or perhaps just one busy poster) that seem more like General Parenting posters rather than Special Needs posters. They're defensive, judgmental, narrow, quick to take offense. It's just not the norm for this forum. I just hope this forum doesn't turn out like General Parenting. I really like how people on this site can have differeing opinions or note insensitive comments and it doesn't degenerate into nastiniess.

[Anonymous]

OP here. All I can say is WOW, WOW, WOW. I'm at a loss of words. First, my child never toe walked. He's already been seen by Kennedy Krieger, Children's, and Chuck Conlon's office...no ASD. Honest. Does that sound arrogant for me to say that? I hope not, because it wasn't mean to be. Again, I have a child with ADHD and sensory issues so I already know how these can manifest itself in behavior. I don't have a child with Aspergers though and I wanted to know if this behavior was typical of Aspergers children.

I think I can understand why my question is met with such severe sensitivity and defensiveness...and dare I say, secrecy. Aspergers, like all autism spectrum disorders, carries with it a negative stigma in our society. But don't, for one minute, think ADHD or sensory issues, doesn't also. My DC has had his share of heartache in how he's been treated by many people. Keeping the answers to these questions hidden and veiled, however, from other people who are simply interested in learning and understanding other disorders only perpetuates the negative stigma though. I think education dispels ignorance. And if you believe I'm ignorant about Aspergers (in the way of judging or discriminating), you should want to dispel my ignorance by educating me more about it, not hiding information about it. What on earth could be my evil motive for asking such a question? What do you honestly think I'm going to do with the information, go and point a finger at that young girl and tell her, "Ah ha! I know you have Aspergers?"
Sigh. Never mind. I'll leave the PP's in peace. I'll ask this question at our next followup with the therapist.

[Anonymous]

OP, first I want to say that I get where you are coming from. My kids have SPD, are not on the autism spectrum, and it IS very hard. Many people don't understand SPD, misinterpret their behavior or my behavior, and are generally unsympathetic. You're right there is a stigma.

I also think that some of the PPs are being mean in talking about you as though you are not here, talking to one another rather than directly to you. I find that disrespectful, especially when I think it is quite obvious that your questions are in earnest and well intentioned.

However, you seem to be ignoring the content of almost all of the answers, many of which were not snarky or mean spirited. Your choice to focus only on the negatives seems to be feuling others. Many have tried to answer you in earnest: they seem to be suggesting that you be generous in your assessment and just assume that, given that you are in an OT's office, the child DOES indeed have an issue that might explain the behavior. Isn't this the real motivation of your question, as you have explained it?? I thought your post was not about AS per se, but that you wanted to know the reasons behind the child's behavior. Well, most people really were trying to answer you.

Second, I have to say that I really don't see the "secrecy" you are talking about. Defensiveness, yes, for sure. And we could debate about whether that is legitimate or not. I am in your shoes more or less about the diagnoses and yet I really don't see any veiling or hiding of information. In fact, several people answered your question about AS quite directly, despite the fact that, as you suggested, the real motivation of your post was to try to understand the child and gain compassion, not so much learn about AS. Perhaps more people did not address this question because the consensus seems to be that the child does not present as typical AS.

And last, please please know that I mean this respectfully, as someone who can relate with you in so many ways: You are kind of perpetuating the negative stigmas yourself in the way that you write, and not just the stigma about AS (as many people have been reacting to), but also about SPD or other disorders. We parents of kids with SPD should be the very first to assume that there is something amiss in a child's behavior, that something is making life more challenging for a child. Just because the girl is not behaving as you'd expect, or as your child does, does not mean that she does not have the exact same diagnoses. I am no one to diagnose anyone, but her behavior sounds impulsive and sensory seeking. You seem to be "judging" her as though she were simply misbehaving even though this girl is in a therapist's office!! She and her family are probably going through the exact same hardship, heartache, and misunderstanding that you and your child are. Maybe she is more intrusive and impulsive, but these qualities add to her challenges and make her more deserving of our sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, first I want to say that I get where you are coming from. My kids have SPD, are not on the autism spectrum, and it IS very hard. Many people don't understand SPD, misinterpret their behavior or my behavior, and are generally unsympathetic. You're right there is a stigma.

I also think that some of the PPs are being mean in talking about you as though you are not here, talking to one another rather than directly to you. I find that disrespectful, especially when I think it is quite obvious that your questions are in earnest and well intentioned.

However, you seem to be ignoring the content of almost all of the answers, many of which were not snarky or mean spirited. Your choice to focus only on the negatives seems to be feuling others. Many have tried to answer you in earnest: they seem to be suggesting that you be generous in your assessment and just assume that, given that you are in an OT's office, the child DOES indeed have an issue that might explain the behavior. Isn't this the real motivation of your question, as you have explained it?? I thought your post was not about AS per se, but that you wanted to know the reasons behind the child's behavior. Well, most people really were trying to answer you.

Second, I have to say that I really don't see the "secrecy" you are talking about. Defensiveness, yes, for sure. And we could debate about whether that is legitimate or not. I am in your shoes more or less about the diagnoses and yet I really don't see any veiling or hiding of information. In fact, several people answered your question about AS quite directly, despite the fact that, as you suggested, the real motivation of your post was to try to understand the child and gain compassion, not so much learn about AS. Perhaps more people did not address this question because the consensus seems to be that the child does not present as typical AS.

And last, please please know that I mean this respectfully, as someone who can relate with you in so many ways: You are kind of perpetuating the negative stigmas yourself in the way that you write, and not just the stigma about AS (as many people have been reacting to), but also about SPD or other disorders. We parents of kids with SPD should be the very first to assume that there is something amiss in a child's behavior, that something is making life more challenging for a child. Just because the girl is not behaving as you'd expect, or as your child does, does not mean that she does not have the exact same diagnoses. I am no one to diagnose anyone, but her behavior sounds impulsive and sensory seeking. You seem to be "judging" her as though she were simply misbehaving even though this girl is in a therapist's office!! She and her family are probably going through the exact same hardship, heartache, and misunderstanding that you and your child are. Maybe she is more intrusive and impulsive, but these qualities add to her challenges and make her more deserving of our sympathy.

BRAVO, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. All I can say is WOW, WOW, WOW. I'm at a loss of words. First, my child never toe walked. He's already been seen by Kennedy Krieger, Children's, and Chuck Conlon's office...no ASD. Honest. Does that sound arrogant for me to say that? I hope not, because it wasn't mean to be. Again, I have a child with ADHD and sensory issues so I already know how these can manifest itself in behavior. I don't have a child with Aspergers though and I wanted to know if this behavior was typical of Aspergers children.

I think I can understand why my question is met with such severe sensitivity and defensiveness...and dare I say, secrecy. Aspergers, like all autism spectrum disorders, carries with it a negative stigma in our society. But don't, for one minute, think ADHD or sensory issues, doesn't also. My DC has had his share of heartache in how he's been treated by many people. Keeping the answers to these questions hidden and veiled, however, from other people who are simply interested in learning and understanding other disorders only perpetuates the negative stigma though. I think education dispels ignorance. And if you believe I'm ignorant about Aspergers (in the way of judging or discriminating), you should want to dispel my ignorance by educating me more about it, not hiding information about it. What on earth could be my evil motive for asking such a question? What do you honestly think I'm going to do with the information, go and point a finger at that young girl and tell her, "Ah ha! I know you have Aspergers?"
Sigh. Never mind. I'll leave the PP's in peace. I'll ask this question at our next followup with the therapist.

I am so confused. I have posted several times in this thread because I do have a child with AS. I have been very specific about some aspects of AS. I took your OP seriously. I don't know what you mean by secrecy (do you think we are withholding the secret AS password?). What do you want from us? We answered your question. We were not defensive. You seem to be taking offense and being defensive. Nothing is typical of Aspergers children, OK? Thats what i said before, when i was taking your question seriously. We are hiding nothing. We were giving you advice, the advice you asked for. What else do you want from us?

[Anonymous]

Well said, 6:58.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, first I want to say that I get where you are coming from. My kids have SPD, are not on the autism spectrum, and it IS very hard. Many people don't understand SPD, misinterpret their behavior or my behavior, and are generally unsympathetic. You're right there is a stigma.

I also think that some of the PPs are being mean in talking about you as though you are not here, talking to one another rather than directly to you. I find that disrespectful, especially when I think it is quite obvious that your questions are in earnest and well intentioned.

However, you seem to be ignoring the content of almost all of the answers, many of which were not snarky or mean spirited. Your choice to focus only on the negatives seems to be feuling others. Many have tried to answer you in earnest: they seem to be suggesting that you be generous in your assessment and just assume that, given that you are in an OT's office, the child DOES indeed have an issue that might explain the behavior. Isn't this the real motivation of your question, as you have explained it?? I thought your post was not about AS per se, but that you wanted to know the reasons behind the child's behavior. Well, most people really were trying to answer you.

Second, I have to say that I really don't see the "secrecy" you are talking about. Defensiveness, yes, for sure. And we could debate about whether that is legitimate or not. I am in your shoes more or less about the diagnoses and yet I really don't see any veiling or hiding of information. In fact, several people answered your question about AS quite directly, despite the fact that, as you suggested, the real motivation of your post was to try to understand the child and gain compassion, not so much learn about AS. Perhaps more people did not address this question because the consensus seems to be that the child does not present as typical AS.

I wanted to know if this girl's behavior was because of a specific disorder or if it was, simply, misbehavior. [b]Not all strange or socially unacceptable behavior at a clinic can be attributed to a disorder. Sometimes it truly can be simply willful disobedience. And I am at a point where this has happened more than twice and now I am irritated with her behavior enough to address her more bluntly but I would temper my words with her if I knew her behavior was beyond her control. I wanted to understand her issues as well as know whether this is typical of the Aspergers dx. I understand impulsivity and attention seeking behavior, my child has it and so do many of DC's friends as well as many, many of my friends children, but I've never seen this behavior in a nine year old ADHD/SPD child so I assumed this behavior had more to do with lack of social skills, a common, if not universal trait of the Aspergers diagnosis. I was, after all, a complete stranger to this child in the waiting room. When I began to delve into whether this is typical of Aspergers, at least FOUR posters said I was being 'nosey' and scolded me not to 'pry.' If these posters see it as 'prying' then I see these posters as being 'secretive' in openly talking about the common social deficits of Aspergers and all the POSSIBLE ways it can manifest itself in behavior. [/b]

And last, please please know that I mean this respectfully, as someone who can relate with you in so many ways: You are kind of perpetuating the negative stigmas yourself in the way that you write, and not just the stigma about AS (as many people have been reacting to), but also about SPD or other disorders. We parents of kids with SPD should be the very first to assume that there is something amiss in a child's behavior, that something is making life more challenging for a child. Just because the girl is not behaving as you'd expect, or as your child does, does not mean that she does not have the exact same diagnoses. I am no one to diagnose anyone, but her behavior sounds impulsive and sensory seeking. You seem to be "judging" her as though she were simply misbehaving even though this girl is in a therapist's office!! She and her family are probably going through the exact same hardship, heartache, and misunderstanding that you and your child are. Maybe she is more intrusive and impulsive, but these qualities add to her challenges and make her more deserving of our sympathy.

It may be she has the exact same diagnosis as my child....but I have just never known a nine year old girl to grab a cell phone from a complete stranger anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, first I want to say that I get where you are coming from. My kids have SPD, are not on the autism spectrum, and it IS very hard. Many people don't understand SPD, misinterpret their behavior or my behavior, and are generally unsympathetic. You're right there is a stigma.

I also think that some of the PPs are being mean in talking about you as though you are not here, talking to one another rather than directly to you. I find that disrespectful, especially when I think it is quite obvious that your questions are in earnest and well intentioned.

However, you seem to be ignoring the content of almost all of the answers, many of which were not snarky or mean spirited. Your choice to focus only on the negatives seems to be feuling others. Many have tried to answer you in earnest: they seem to be suggesting that you be generous in your assessment and just assume that, given that you are in an OT's office, the child DOES indeed have an issue that might explain the behavior. Isn't this the real motivation of your question, as you have explained it?? I thought your post was not about AS per se, but that you wanted to know the reasons behind the child's behavior. Well, most people really were trying to answer you.

Second, I have to say that I really don't see the "secrecy" you are talking about. Defensiveness, yes, for sure. And we could debate about whether that is legitimate or not. I am in your shoes more or less about the diagnoses and yet I really don't see any veiling or hiding of information. In fact, several people answered your question about AS quite directly, despite the fact that, as you suggested, the real motivation of your post was to try to understand the child and gain compassion, not so much learn about AS. Perhaps more people did not address this question because the consensus seems to be that the child does not present as typical AS.


I wanted to know if this girl's behavior was because of a specific disorder or if it was, simply, misbehavior. [b]Not all strange or socially unacceptable behavior at a clinic can be attributed to a disorder. Sometimes it truly can be simply willful disobedience and it may be hard to distinguish the two. And I am at a point where this has happened more than twice and now I am irritated with her behavior enough to address her more bluntly but I would temper my words with her if I knew her behavior was beyond her control. I wanted to understand her issues as well as know whether this is typical of the Aspergers dx. I understand impulsivity and attention seeking behavior, my child has it and so do many of DC's friends as well as many, many of my friends children, but I've never seen this behavior in a nine year old, I was also a complete stranger to her, and probably most importantly, she also didn't seem moved at all by my being upset over her taking my phone...because she did it again. So I assumed her particular behavior had more to do with lack of social skills, a common, if not universal trait of the Aspergers diagnosis. When I began to delve into whether this is typical of Aspergers, at least FOUR posters said I was being 'nosey' and scolded me not to 'pry.' If these posters see it as 'prying' then I see these posters as being 'secretive' in openly talking about the common social deficits of Aspergers and all the POSSIBLE ways it can manifest itself in behavior. [/b]

And last, please please know that I mean this respectfully, as someone who can relate with you in so many ways: You are kind of perpetuating the negative stigmas yourself in the way that you write, and not just the stigma about AS (as many people have been reacting to), but also about SPD or other disorders. We parents of kids with SPD should be the very first to assume that there is something amiss in a child's behavior, that something is making life more challenging for a child. Just because the girl is not behaving as you'd expect, or as your child does, does not mean that she does not have the exact same diagnoses. I am no one to diagnose anyone, but her behavior sounds impulsive and sensory seeking. You seem to be "judging" her as though she were simply misbehaving even though this girl is in a therapist's office!! She and her family are probably going through the exact same hardship, heartache, and misunderstanding that you and your child are. Maybe she is more intrusive and impulsive, but these qualities add to her challenges and make her more deserving of our sympathy.

It may be she has the exact same diagnosis as my child....DC is very mildly affected with ADHD/SPD so it is possible that I lack the frame of reference to understand how ADHD/SPD disorder can present itself in many different ways.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the double post..I hope I've answered the questions to your satisfaction. Clearly my question/interest is disturbing to some SN parents so it's time for me to bow out of here.

[Anonymous]

I'll also throw in my final 2 cents. Sorry, OP, if you feel attacked for asking what you most likely assumed was an innocent question to try to assist? the interaction you (or your child?) has w/this poor girl. You are right, grabbing a phone from a stranger is not 'typical' behavior for a girl that age. But as all posters have responded, is any child's behavior 'typical' at an OT office? Step in to the shoes of another parent waiting in that office, and I guarantee that they view your child as having 'quirky' or 'atypical' behaviors--including most likely your son.

The girl does not sound like a 'typical' asperger's child, rather one with obvious cognitive-social delays. Perhaps she has ADHD, SID, and be 'on the spectrum'. But so what? Why would any of those indicators assist you in any way with responding to this girl's behavior? I think that is what you have failed to clarify for all of us.