My DS is being bullied in middle school

[Anonymous]

My son is a sixth grader in a MCPS middle school. He is short (10th percentile), skinny (6th percentile), sweet, innocent, immature, and quirky. Several of the boys in his classes taunt him by calling him gay and saying he goes out with boys. At this point, he has no interest in either sex, but he doesn't want to be taunted. He also had his binder ripped up and when the teachers look away, kids punch him and squeeze the back of his neck.

I'm very sad for him and it makes me sick that he has to go through this. What I need help with is this. What can and should the school do. Does anyone have any experiences they can share of interventions that were successful? I will be meeting with the school either today or Monday and I would like to go in not feeling so helpless.

I am cross posting this on General Parenting.

[Anonymous]

Most definitely talk with the school -- TODAY. School counselor, teacher, principal. Name names of the kids involved, that way it can also be addressed with their parents. This is unacceptable and dangerous behavior.

Also, consider signing your kid up for martial arts. Quick story -- a friend's middle school girl was being bullied/sexually harassed by a male classmate. Mom finally said to her "um, this is why you've had 6 years of tae kwon do." Next time the kid did it, she used some kind of move to pin him and said "Don't EVER touch me again." Ended the behavior by the kid immediately. I know there are repercussions if your kid ends up getting physical, but having the self confidence and the means to defend himself as he gets older might help him immensely.

But, again, do NOT go into the holiday weekend without meetings. Demand them today. Protect your child.
good luck. let us know what happens.

[Anonymous]

Please go in today. I would also go to the PTA President, and share your experience. Ask if they can recommend a few parents in your son's grade to provide a support system. I would then share your experience with them, and ask if they would be willing to talk to their children about taking a leadership role in kindness.

If I found out about this happening in my daughter's grade, I would encourage my daughter to be kind and her friends to do the same. Maybe a few parents can highlight the severity of the situation for their kids and a small support system can be built.

I would find out which classes this is happening in. My child is in private school, but the gym teacher suspends kids immediately for bullying. No warnings are issued. The warning exists via the bullying policy. For this level of bullying to take place, IMO, the teachers have to be turning a blind eye. Unacceptable.

Please post back- agree on the martial arts suggestion. If you feel the school is not taking you seriously, go to the Board of Ed, superintendent, and your councilperson. In this day and age, there is no acceptable reason for the school to permit this level of bullying.

[Anonymous]

I support all of the above, but also what are you doing to support/develop his self-esteem and confidence? I would sign him up for a martial arts class (not so much for the physical self-defense but to help him develop a sense of confidence.

[Anonymous]

In my experience with MCPS (on the elementary school level) they are reluctant to label other kids as bullies. This means they won't readily take strong and effective action.

In my son's case, they actually wanted to put him and the bully in the same room to "talk things out." My son, rightly, said that this would only make things worse.

My recommendation, as PP said above, is to come in with names of kids and be VERY firm about the fact that they must not allow your son to continue to be subjected to an atmosphere of bullying and intimidation. Try to come out of the meeting with concrete actions that they will take and make sure they aren't to your son's detriment -- i.e., moving him out of a class that's right for him to get him away from the bullies. Make sure you are satisfied with the steps they are planning to take.

After the meeting, follow up with an email restating what's been agreed on, as well as your insistence that they keep your son safe. I would also consider finding out the name of the community superintendent for your school and copying him/her on this email.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience with MCPS (on the elementary school level) they are reluctant to label other kids as bullies. This means they won't readily take strong and effective action.

In my son's case, they actually wanted to put him and the bully in the same room to "talk things out." My son, rightly, said that this would only make things worse.

My recommendation, as PP said above, is to come in with names of kids and be VERY firm about the fact that they must not allow your son to continue to be subjected to an atmosphere of bullying and intimidation. Try to come out of the meeting with concrete actions that they will take and make sure they aren't to your son's detriment -- i.e., moving him out of a class that's right for him to get him away from the bullies. Make sure you are satisfied with the steps they are planning to take.

After the meeting, follow up with an email restating what's been agreed on, as well as your insistence that they keep your son safe. I would also consider finding out the name of the community superintendent for your school and copying him/her on this email.

Good luck.

9:07 here- I think this is excellent advice, and agree you should follow-up from the meeting in writing. In my experience, a lot will get dropped if you let them.

[Anonymous]

This is the biggest fight of your life. Dont depend on the school to help sort this out for you.

[Anonymous]

Your son has a legal right to be in a safe environment, free of harassment.

http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/news/record/2296.html

Start with a call to his guidance counselor. Although the starting point is (I think) peer mediation (discussion among your son and the perps), if he is not open to this (and he has that right), then they need to find another solution.

My redhaired, geeky, small-for-his-age son was bullied last year and we worked with the guidance counselor to find solutions, including telling the perps that they had been observed doing what they were doing (not naming names of victim(s)), and that action would be taken. Teachers and staff kept them under close watch until the bullying subsided.

Don't let this get any farther.

[Anonymous]

Can he go to a different public school, OP, if the talks don't work out?

[Anonymous]

I like the idea of betting the bullies together and telling them that they have been observed and that action will be taken.

[Anonymous]

9:35 here. I would like to add, you need to do something about it before even more people in more classes start bullying your son. It's October, so hopefully by taking action now you can nip it in the bud. I agree with others, find out from your son the exact names of those kids. Talk to school officials. If the behavior doesn't change quickly, then start calling each of the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son has a legal right to be in a safe environment, free of harassment.

http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/news/record/2296.html

Start with a call to his guidance counselor. Although the starting point is (I think) peer mediation (discussion among your son and the perps), if he is not open to this (and he has that right), then they need to find another solution.

My redhaired, geeky, small-for-his-age son was bullied last year and we worked with the guidance counselor to find solutions, including telling the perps that they had been observed doing what they were doing (not naming names of victim(s)), and that action would be taken. Teachers and staff kept them under close watch until the bullying subsided.

Don't let this get any farther.

I agree with everything except the peer mediation piece. If this was still only name calling or excluding him from sitting at their table at the cafeteria, I would agree. But there is now a physical component to it -- both against his things and against his person. Time is over for talking through this between the kids until after all adults who should be involved are engaged (this includes OP, school officials, and parents of the perps).

[Anonymous]

Totally agree with PP. These are your child's TORMENTERS. Why make him sit down with them as if this is a reasonable disagreement they are having?

[Anonymous]

This was already posted on DCUM but please read this -

http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/memoirs-of-bullied-kid.html

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to add that you are a great mom (or dad?) for listening to your child. I imagine many kids in his situation would clam up, even around friends and family. Thank goodness you have a great relationship with him and gave him your time to open up. Good luck.