Teen excessive screen (social media) time
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Anonymous
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Our 17 year old is spending hours every day on social media and I’m at a loss as to what to do. Her grades are not horrible but definitely could be better, she has some extra curriculars but none that are incredibly time consuming. She is looking for a job but has not found one to date. She can easily spend 5+ hours a day on social which feels excessive and unhealthy to me. We can take her phone (and have done)…makes her so angry and then she when she gets it back she seems to spend even more time on it and at the end of the day she is 17 not 12 and will be going to college in a year. I find the non stop scrolling so negative on my own mental health so it’s concerning to me.
Any tips. Is this amount of time normal? Or are other parents not monitoring phone use? |
Anonymous
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The phone is paid for by you not her.
Suspend the phone service turn it off. This is not hard. A phone is a privilege not a right. You can let her have it on the weekends if you don't want it too harsh. However you raised an entitled twat who will fail out of college. |
Anonymous
| We give two hours a day to the kids in our family who need help. |
Anonymous
| Posts about teens and phones here are so strange, as if people had no understanding of teens, developing brains and addiction. The lack of empathy is disturbing. OP says herself she has a hard time controlling it for herself, so why would it be easier for a teen?! |
Anonymous
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Posters 17:57 and 18:30, I understand your (valid) points but your tone is harsh. We all need to be more kind and show empathy.
I am going through this with one of my kids right now. DC is in 8th. Excellent student. Participates in a couple of sports and one club. But s/he is addicted to screens. My husband and I really had to hear from child's doctors how significant the addiction is. I had to change my mindset -- i.e., this is an addiction like an alcohol or drug addiction. However, the doctors have told me that (unlike alcohol), my child's brain is still developing and s/he may be able to handle screen time once older. BTW, I did not realize how bad it was until I really tracked screen use every day for about 2 weeks. Wow, was I surprised. For now: 1) No screen time. Yes, NO screen time. Only exceptions will be for a family movie night or sports events. Restrictions enacted on TV (Verizon FIOS) - code needs to be entered to access TV. Screen time app used for Apple devices (but we need to check this daily because there are definitely bugs with Apple - UGH). Also have blocks on our Internet as needed. This has been a royal pain but I've just gotta get it done. Kids have figured out work-arounds (including using their phone's hotspot) so we keep adjusting. 2) We are having to adjust screen time expectations/rules in our entire household. Yes, this includes me and husband 
3) We are going to have to start doing more activities as a family (or some family members) to ensure we are more balanced. So we are making an effort to do board and card games, bike rides, hikes, etc. Also, develop play lists to play music at home. Going to bookstores, etc. which will be difficult because a couple of my kids do not love reading due to learning challenges. Through therapy, I have learned that it's not my job to make sure my kids aren't bored. They are old enough to figure out and plan activities. This has been freeing for me. 4) iPhone/laptop use for all my kids is changing. No TikTok. No YouTube. Older kids may get more privileges but other middle school kids will only use device for phone, text, music and school apps. NO OTHER APPS for younger kids. And all devices collected at night (8 - 9 pm depending on age). 5) PlayStation and Switch are being moved out of our house - so no access to these devices for next few months, at least. I am guessing we will go at least 6 months without. 6) Clear consequences if rules are broken. 7) Required time playing outside or doing a physical activity. This is not going to be easy. But I am hopeful that it will be good for all of us. Heads up, I encourage you to Google device and screen time addiction. There are a bunch of NIH/NIMH studies and other good info out there about how important it is for all of us to be aware of the issue and address it with ourselves and our kids. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| No, it's not normal but our teen is in lots of activities. We take the phone when not in school and it stays put away till everything is done. Grades go down, they don't get it or the gaming computer at all till grades go up and even thing its limited. |
Anonymous
| No solution but I think physically limiting her at 17 is the easy patch that hurts in the long run. She should want to get off for her own mental well being but addiction is hard to beat, I'm here now instead of getting through an errand I need to finish! |
Anonymous
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I'm the 15:14 poster. Taking away screens backfired for us some in the past. However, we now realize how bad the addition is for one of our kids. It really depends on the kid. So that's why we need to limit/take away. Yes, this is severe, but we need our kid to get on a good path. Thankfully we have awhile to address the issue before college.
I would love to hear why some think limiting child's screen time is an easy solution that hurts in the long run. (And I'm not being sarcastic -- I really want to know your rationale.) |
Anonymous
| OP, it doesn't sound like you have Screen Time implemented, assuming your kid is on an iPhone. 5 hours a day on social media is too much. You can limit it to 3 hours or less with Screen Time. |
Anonymous
| Apple screen time does not work. My kids can bypass it no issue, the system is glitchy. For those of you that have it in place…is it actually working? |
Anonymous
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Screen diet is best done either by getting their buy in, or some sort of event like camping with no cell service or overnight camp where it is circumstances rather than parental restriction. Once you break the cycle you can help them see how much better they feel. Hopefully?
That said, for teens, the solution to this long term is a rich in person life. Lots of activities and lots of friend time. Everyone says “kids don’t hang out in person anymore!!” But that’s totally BS bc both of mine do and so do all the kids in their social circles. A kid who spends that much time glued to social media isn’t going to suddenly replace that time with reading or painting or creative writing while sitting alone in their room…or suddenly spending a ton of time w their parents (which is what some parents seem to think is going to happen if they break the phone addiction), they want connections with peers. That is the replacement that satisfies the same urge to scroll insta |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Agree, Apple Screen Time is really glitchy. Apple news to up their game. |
Anonymous
For older teens (not younger kids so much) it usually creates the following: 1. Massive power struggle 2. Motivation to sneak around/lie (which all kids do to a degree but kids who constantly get their phone taken/restricted I’ve noticed become almost pathological with it, it’s basically cutting them off from friends) and 3. Leads to parent as enemy in their minds, which often takes years into adulthood to unravel and 4. Unless you can get your kid to see that phone use makes them feel worse they will go right back to high use as soon as they aren’t being restricted, sometimes going overboard in response. |
Anonymous
| OP, when did she get a phone? Has she always been like this or has it gotten progressively worse? Did you ever have any restrictions in place, or did you just hand it over and assume all was good? |