My impossible coworker who made life hell, really was mentally ill

[Anonymous]

I just need to get this out. My heart goes out to anyone struggling and I applaud getting help, but I am processing this. I had a coworker make my life a living hell when we had to work on a project together. I was polite and professional and turned to email for any important communication so there were no misunderstandings and would have others check email to make sure it was kind and professional. She would make these paranoid accusations and even when I showed the emails, the boss (a family friend of coworker's mother) would gaslight me. She had scary mood swings and I was made to feel like I set it off even though I was making myself physically sick always trying to be calm and respectful. I got called into meetings over her dramatic meltdowns blaming me for things I didn't do. I asked to be put on a different project and I was told I had to learn to make it work. I ended up looking for other jobs, but I saw a therapist until I left and for the transition to a new job because it was so draining. I also consulted a lawyer about the situation both to keep things amicable until I left, and also to leave in the most professional way possible. So this woman cost me a lot of money as well as just completely draining me and the worst part was the gaslighting from above.

Well a former coworker clued me in that this woman was finally let go and publicly posts on social media somewhat of a diary of her mental health struggles. I read it for my own closure. She has experienced many psychiatric emergencies over the years. It has been a struggle to find the right anti-psychotic and antidepressant and she has been spiraling more often recently. I really do have empathy, but I also have resentment that she blamed me for her emotional struggles at work when I was not doing anything to her and our supervisor was useless and made me feel like I was somehow causing the problem even there was no evidence. I will get over it and I don't wish these kinds of struggles on anyone. Maybe I wish she had gone for help sooner and now I know it wasn't personal, but I felt like I was going to lose my mind if I didn't leave because there was this elephant in the room and you couldn't do anything. I know it's not something she chose.

I may take this down. Has anyone had a similar experience?

[Anonymous]

I had a supervisor that I truly believe is mentally ill. I quit after 6 months or misery. Supervisor is still there. I wish I had done some therapy at the time to process it all. After 10 years, I have lasting trauma from that job.

[Anonymous]

It's a good step that your former co worker is aware she has a problem.

I feel you. My sister has mental illness but claims she doesn't. It's such a big issue that stunts any relationship. SIGH.

[Anonymous]

Be grateful that this person isn't your spouse, or your parent or child or close family member. It has hopefully given you some empathy for how hard it is for the people who live with mental illness and the people around them. It sucks. No excuse for some of her behavior but recognize that some of this is mental illness.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry. That has to have been so hard, from the coworker raging to the supervisor gaslighting - sounds like it really sucked.

IDK if litigation is part of the issue, but supervisors are often reluctant to take action in these situations. Even if they do not think it is mental illness, but just want to make sure that there is no preception of wrongful remand or termination.

I had a coworker that everyone believed was Klinger in MASH - not the crossdressing, but trying to get laid off with disability by claiming voices, sighting UFOs, and going on at length about US military interventions. He was in a constant battle with one of the male execs. Then one day he snapped after one too many degrading requests. No one was injured nor was the coworker. In the end, I couldn't tell if he was working a con, but at the same time, still being run down by the microaggressions and disrespect by this male exec.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry. That has to have been so hard, from the coworker raging to the supervisor gaslighting - sounds like it really sucked.

IDK if litigation is part of the issue, but supervisors are often reluctant to take action in these situations. Even if they do not think it is mental illness, but just want to make sure that there is no preception of wrongful remand or termination.

I had a coworker that everyone believed was Klinger in MASH - not the crossdressing, but trying to get laid off with disability by claiming voices, sighting UFOs, and going on at length about US military interventions. He was in a constant battle with one of the male execs. Then one day he snapped after one too many degrading requests. No one was injured nor was the coworker. In the end, I couldn't tell if he was working a con, but at the same time, still being run down by the microaggressions and disrespect by this male exec.

It could be many things - he could have thought he was smarter than he was (delusional), have personality disorders (ex: narcissism, think they are above the law) or mentally ill in other ways. But sometimes people use mental illness to poorly feign any number of things: ignorance, plausible deniability, repentance, or disingenuous claims, to name a few. Mental illness is not an excuse to attack other people, treat others poorly, harass others or worse, or certainly not an excuse to expect other people not to take action. People have every right to do what they need to do to defend themselves (and their family, if needed).

Maybe the employer had an issue with not getting sued (while accumulating evidence), but most individuals would defend themselves in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

I had a boss with severe mental illness. I ended up leaving for another role as I was so traumatised from it. She is still there causing havoc. Still makes me feel upset how awful it was even though I left three years ago. I also really loved the job before she came my boss.

[Anonymous]

My former roommate got tangled up with a coworker with a mental illness in our late 20s/ early 30s. This was a long time ago but it really was something. It escalated to her coming to our house in the middle of the night and yelling from the front yard and banging on the door.

No one at work would help. All I could do was threaten to call the cops when she came in the night. When I called out that I would call 911 if she didn't leave the property immediately, she did leave.

[Anonymous]

Thank God she did not target you violently.

I have experienced this secondhand at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry. That has to have been so hard, from the coworker raging to the supervisor gaslighting - sounds like it really sucked.

IDK if litigation is part of the issue, but supervisors are often reluctant to take action in these situations. Even if they do not think it is mental illness, but just want to make sure that there is no preception of wrongful remand or termination.

I had a coworker that everyone believed was Klinger in MASH - not the crossdressing, but trying to get laid off with disability by claiming voices, sighting UFOs, and going on at length about US military interventions. He was in a constant battle with one of the male execs. Then one day he snapped after one too many degrading requests. No one was injured nor was the coworker. In the end, I couldn't tell if he was working a con, but at the same time, still being run down by the microaggressions and disrespect by this male exec.

It could be many things - he could have thought he was smarter than he was (delusional), have personality disorders (ex: narcissism, think they are above the law) or mentally ill in other ways. But sometimes people use mental illness to poorly feign any number of things: ignorance, plausible deniability, repentance, or disingenuous claims, to name a few. Mental illness is not an excuse to attack other people, treat others poorly, harass others or worse, or certainly not an excuse to expect other people not to take action. People have every right to do what they need to do to defend themselves (and their family, if needed).

Maybe the employer had an issue with not getting sued (while accumulating evidence), but most individuals would defend themselves in a heartbeat.

Agree. I don't think anywhere in my post did I suggest that the exec was entitled to undermine this colleague or treat them poorly in any way. I was just explaining a circumstance where the colleague's mental health status was unclear, at least to me. TBH, I liked the colleague, he was nearly always responsive to my requests (served a hybrid role of supplies/facilities, including setting up conference rooms for meetings) and I generally assumed that it was because I listened to him and occasionally engaged in political discussions.

[Anonymous]

Oh I totally feel you, and I myself am mentally ill! I had a roommate in college who made me feel like a horrible, horrible person. It was so long ago that I don't really remember exactly how she did it, but I remember thinking "maybe everyone else in my life who told me I was awesome and really liked me was just lying, and I am in fact a piece of s**t." I became really depressed and stopped talking to people. Luckily it was only one semester and later people told me that she was terrible. I was naive to think the problem was me. She told me stories about her threatening suicide so that her boyfriend wouldn't break up with her, and now that I know about borderline personality disorder I'm pretty sure she has it.

Having a mental illness is hard, but so is being the collateral damage of someone's mental illness and nobody should have to go through that.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP.

You’re not alone. I recently found out a boss I struggled to get along with ages ago suffered from bipolar.

I worked hard on that relationship and had to put up with a lot. Finding out from his social media that he has bipolar helped me heal from that experience.

Unfortunately, I had another boss much worse than that. I resigned on the spot due to her screaming and throwing things. She owned guns and I was worried. Her behavior made me vomit from stress. Back then, I didn’t recognize mental illness and thought I was the cause for her terrible behavior.

She said I could only write with purple ink. Just one example of the madness.
I found out later everyone knew she was crazy and did not warn me.

I hope you can heal and overcome the trauma. It’s terrible what employees have to go through.

[Anonymous]

In workplaces (like families) the “crazy” person often gets accomodated in the system. Victims are supposed to not rock the boat, and if you do, you end up being the bad guy for causing trouble instead of catering to the “crazy” person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank God she did not target you violently.

I have experienced this secondhand at work.

Same. Some people are loose canons and are not accustomed to being told "no", which only aids and abets in their being dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I just need to get this out. My heart goes out to anyone struggling and I applaud getting help, but I am processing this. I had a coworker make my life a living hell when we had to work on a project together. I was polite and professional and turned to email for any important communication so there were no misunderstandings and would have others check email to make sure it was kind and professional. She would make these paranoid accusations and even when I showed the emails, the boss (a family friend of coworker's mother) would gaslight me. She had scary mood swings and I was made to feel like I set it off even though I was making myself physically sick always trying to be calm and respectful. I got called into meetings over her dramatic meltdowns blaming me for things I didn't do. I asked to be put on a different project and I was told I had to learn to make it work. I ended up looking for other jobs, but I saw a therapist until I left and for the transition to a new job because it was so draining. I also consulted a lawyer about the situation both to keep things amicable until I left, and also to leave in the most professional way possible. So this woman cost me a lot of money as well as just completely draining me and the worst part was the gaslighting from above.

Well a former coworker clued me in that this woman was finally let go and publicly posts on social media somewhat of a diary of her mental health struggles. I read it for my own closure. She has experienced many psychiatric emergencies over the years. It has been a struggle to find the right anti-psychotic and antidepressant and she has been spiraling more often recently. I really do have empathy, but I also have resentment that she blamed me for her emotional struggles at work when I was not doing anything to her and our supervisor was useless and made me feel like I was somehow causing the problem even there was no evidence. I will get over it and I don't wish these kinds of struggles on anyone. Maybe I wish she had gone for help sooner and now I know it wasn't personal, but I felt like I was going to lose my mind if I didn't leave because there was this elephant in the room and you couldn't do anything. I know it's not something she chose.

I may take this down. Has anyone had a similar experience?

Some people are just bad people.