Reconnected with a younger relative and now they are asking for money. Should I worry?

[Anonymous]

I grew up an only child with no direct cousins or relatives my age. I went to the funeral for an older relative and met a cousin, four years younger than me. They recently had a surgery and are out of work. They have children and work a manual labor job. I was sent a text today asking if I could give them money as they are low on funds.

I missed the text initially, (Saturday, busy morning around here) and within three hours they replied saying they had figured it out.

Does this sound like someone who may be asking for money more often or do you think the surgery could simply be an extenuating factor/circumstance?

Am I being used is my concern, having never had relationships like this before I may have been naive to how these relationships are. Do relatives often ask each other for money?

[Anonymous]

No, relatives don’t ask each other for money. Except if it’s your own child of course.

I think they knew it was out of line and that’s why they scrambled to cover up once they thought you weren’t going to give it to them.

[Anonymous]

I mean yes, they are using you. But you can decide to keep them in your life and just never give them money. They will either want a relationship with you even though you aren’t giving them any money or they will fade away.

[Anonymous]

What relationship have you had since the funeral? Do they actually have conversations with you or all transactional? Pretty big red flag if you barely know them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What relationship have you had since the funeral? Do they actually have conversations with you or all transactional? Pretty big red flag if you barely know them.

Op here. Mainly checking to see how each other is doing every few weeks or so. We met just before the Christmas holiday. So those few weeks were general chatter during the Merry Christmas text, Happy New Year.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they found someone else to help. I would keep my distance since they saw you as a source of funding after just seeing you.

[Anonymous]

I would carry on with what you’ve been doing — they may have been testing the waters rob see if you were a source of income; you didn’t give any sign you were. If this is an extenuating circumstance, it won’t happen again and you can continue to be casually friendly. If they ask again or drop you now, I would consider you should be glad they’ve shown their true colors and block their number.

[Anonymous]

On a personal level, if it were me OP I would see this as a huge red flag.

I mean……
You just reconnected most recently yet they are already asking you for money…?

I just find this request very tacky.

I would likely be suspicious + on guard of this cousin’s behavior from now on. 😕

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up an only child with no direct cousins or relatives my age. I went to the funeral for an older relative and met a cousin, four years younger than me. They recently had a surgery and are out of work. They have children and work a manual labor job. I was sent a text today asking if I could give them money as they are low on funds.

I missed the text initially, (Saturday, busy morning around here) and within three hours they replied saying they had figured it out.

Does this sound like someone who may be asking for money more often or do you think the surgery could simply be an extenuating factor/circumstance?

Am I being used is my concern, having never had relationships like this before I may have been naive to how these relationships are. Do relatives often ask each other for money?

I’d do a slow fade. They’ll ask you for money again.

[Anonymous]

I'd be polite. They'll try again and you'll be like, sorry. If they're not interested in a relationship, they'll disappear.

People can be interested in relationship and wondering if they can get financial assistance. It doesn't mean the relationship is not sincere, but it does mean that you want to set very clear boundaries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be polite. They'll try again and you'll be like, sorry. If they're not interested in a relationship, they'll disappear.

People can be interested in relationship and wondering if they can get financial assistance. It doesn't mean the relationship is not sincere, but it does mean that you want to set very clear boundaries

Nobody who wants a sincere relationship with someone asks them for money. Certainly not over text message and when they’ve barely even had a few actual conversations.

[Anonymous]

If you're rich and they aren't, it's OK to send gifts.

[Anonymous]

They figured it out. I wouldn't reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're rich and they aren't, it's OK to send gifts.

Found the mooch.
OP, keep this relative at a distance and don’t ever send any money that you won’t miss. It’s also weird that they started hitting you up for cash so early on. Once you start giving then the sob stories will never end.
My DH was very happy to reconnect with some long-lost relatives at his father’s funeral back in their home country. MIL warned him to be careful when they went all out welcoming him into their home. It turns out they thought he would sponsor their children’s education in America and got angry and cut off contact when he said he couldn’t.

[Anonymous]

What is it a red flag for? If you don't want to give them money, then don't, but needing money and asking a relative for financial help are not red flags for anything. It's normal for people to help each other out. Most people around here are never, ever in need of money so this is the wrong crowd to ask, OP.