Picky eating: did you ever just cook and make what you want?

[Anonymous]

3 boys: 8,7, and 2. They used to be very adventurous eaters but my oldest has become extremely picky (less than 20 foods) and my middle child is a “grumpy” eater…grumbles but eats generally ok, but not adventurous.

My husband and I miss food, honestly…I’m tired of trying to appease the kids. We don’t make chicken nuggets and mac and cheese every night but everything we make is pretty safe and bland.

Are we terrible parents if we just start to make what we want? Spiced chickpeas, lentil soup, etc etc?

Be kind please.

[Anonymous]

I’d say, about half the time we make something that everyone likes, and half the time we make food that primarily the adults like. For the latter, we encourage the kids to try it. If not, we have cheese/crackers/fruit/PB&J available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d say, about half the time we make something that everyone likes, and half the time we make food that primarily the adults like. For the latter, we encourage the kids to try it. If not, we have cheese/crackers/fruit/PB&J available.

Also - my kids are around the same ages as yours and also going through a picky phase. It comes and goes.

[Anonymous]

I always included something that the kids are consistently willing to eat in the meal that is available in unlimited quantities, but it might not be the "main" component. And I always had milk and water as options, since my kids are OK with milk.

So, I might serve lentil soup with bread (which my kids will eat) and apple slices (which my kids will eat), and then my kids would eat bread and apples, which with a glass of milk is fine.

Or, I'd make those spiced chickpeas, and serve them over brown rice, with caesar salad (which for some reason my kids would eat), and my kids would have rice and salad and milk.

I always packed a protein in their lunch that I knew they'd eat, even if that meant my youngest took sunbutter and honey sandwiches for an entire school year, so I knew they'd get something besides milk for protein, and I usually included a few types of fruit/veggies/legumes, and aimed for one they'd eat.

They eat almost everything now as teenagers, hence the past tense.

[Anonymous]

I cook for myself every single day. My 10yo will typically eat 80% of what I make. Tonight, my 7yo only put white rice and Japanese barbecue sauce on his plate. But then I caught him later in the kitchen sneaking all the roasted veggies that were supposed to go on his rice. I had a meal that I loved, and no one is going to bed hungry.

[Anonymous]

Make what you want. If you are concerned about starving your kids, you could let them know they always have the option of a pbj or something.

[Anonymous]

My kids are younger, but yes, I generally make things that are what DH and I enjoy. But I always make sure that there’s something they they WILL eat, and I try to space out the more challenging meals. So if I make a tofu broccoli stir fry, I serve it with soba noodles (which they will eat and has protein) and a sauce that they like, and then the next day I’ll do something that I know they like. I find that they’re kind of unpredictable about what they’ll eat anyway, so I figure I might as well just enjoy my meals. One of them randomly just started eating spinach after rejecting it forever. The other boycotts various foods for months at a time (examples include salmon, tofu, certain fruits, even chicken for a little while) and then suddenly will start eating it again.

All that said, I think that so much of this depends on your kids’ temperaments and your own personal tolerance level for conflict at the dinner table. Also, I was a super picky eater and now I eat everything, so I don’t think that what kids eat when they’re young is a huge deal.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have always cooked and made what I made before kids. 8 year old will begrudgingly eat most things. 6 year old is a battle Royale every single night unless we are having pizza or something like that. I'm extremely sick of it but I'm not giving in. He's currently sitting at the table with two more bites of broccoli to go.

[Anonymous]

I make a separate meal for DD if we're having something she really doesn't like. She's 10 and her tastes have grown a lot in the last 2 years, so we often eat the same thing. Or we'll do something it's easy to modify, like tacos, or chicken and hers is without sauce. I don't think people should have to eat something they hate. I wouldn't like that.

When DH and I go out to eat, that's when we get the really kid-unfriendly stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I have always cooked and made what I made before kids. 8 year old will begrudgingly eat most things. 6 year old is a battle Royale every single night unless we are having pizza or something like that. I'm extremely sick of it but I'm not giving in. He's currently sitting at the table with two more bites of broccoli to go.

Wow, did you post this from 1982?

[Anonymous]

We eat separately from the kids on weeknights. We sit with them in the kitchen while they're eating dinner (so we still have family conversation over their dinner time), but we eat a little bit later and food that we made / want to eat.

I got tired of killing myself to make dinner (even something "kid friendly") and then being pissed they wouldn't eat it. I'm not saying it's ideal, but it works for us.

They are capable of going out to a restaurant meal or eating at someone else's home with polite manners (even if they don't love what's being served, they'll find something to eat and not make a big deal), so our not having a shared family dinner time has not messed them up too bad.

[Anonymous]

I made separate meals at that age.

[Anonymous]

Definitely make what you want. We've been eating salmon, will put a small piece on 3 yo DS's plate and encourage him to try it. A few months ago he ate it, asked for more, and he's been eating salmon once a week since he tried it. He does that with a lot of foods.

[Anonymous]

Between my husband and I, we have three cultures, therefore three cuisines. My kids, when little, had sensitive tastebuds, so we cooked bland but a wide variety of foods and mostly managed to get them to eat.

Then when they were teen/tween, we progressively ate spicier. Now my youngest and my husband can eat screaming hot dishes, while my oldest and I stick to mildly spicy.

You are allowed to cook whatever you want for yourself, OP. Indeed, it's a great idea, because maybe when your oldest sees his siblings enjoying whatever it is, he might get out of his picky rut.

And I don't mean to criticize, but how in the world is lentil soup and chickpeas not normal foods? Barring special needs like autism, allergies and intolerances, sometimes I think pickiness is created because the American kid food range is so boring. No wonder they don't eat

[Anonymous]

Thank you, all. Lots to think about. Sounds like most offer something different which sounds like it keeps the peace but doesn't encourage trying the food?

Maybe I should premake almond butter and jelly sandwiches and let him eat them until he's sick of it.