Did you grow up in NYC?

[Anonymous]

I'd love to hear about your experience, especially if you spent your late childhood/teenage years there.

I live in NYC with my three children and while it's sometimes crazy, we love it. We're lucky to have the space and extras that allow us to live there comfortably. However, I didn't grow up here. I grew up in the burbs - which I had/have lighthearted complaints against - but did have a backyard, sprawling facilities for sports/school/etc., and a "normal" American childhood. I sometimes think about my kid's school - which we love but is cramped and has no sports facilities (which requires a bus drive to parks and fields that are sometimes 40 minutes away) or the fact that they can't just go outside and play which necessitates a walk to the park and wonder if I'm doing them a disservice... They're young so don't know differently but I'd love to hear from those who grew up there. Did you love it? Did the pros outweigh the cons for you?

[Anonymous]

We moved from NYC to a smaller city on the west coast. I often wish it was more like NYC. Here we have the worst of both worlds- small yards that aren’t really playable, an area that’s urban enough to be walkable (and with transients, crime, and traffic to go with it) but without enough walkable shops, restaurants and street life to make the urban setting worth it. And although my DD’s school has a playing field and outdoor spaces, she’s instead chosen an indoor sport that’s 40 minutes away.

I’m not saying this to minimize your worries about the tradeoffs but to say that every place has tradeoffs and choices that make it hard to anticipate the kind of childhood your kids will have. I grew up with a “normal” suburban childhood and while it had its benefits, it was also a place where it was easy to feel trapped if you didn’t have just the right interests, appearance and type of family. I sometimes long for my DD to have the resources I had but realize she couldn’t have some of those things without putting up with some pretty oppressive social norms and hierarchies.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in Queens, and then lived in the LI suburbs when my kids were little. Around end of elementary school/middle school I moved to NYC with them. It was the perfect timing - when they were little they had backyards and mostly empty streets to bike and skateboard and draw with chalk. Right as they were becoming old enough to take the train themselves or with an older sibling, they could get themselves places they wanted to go. In the suburbs, they need to be driven everywhere. Mayyyyyybe they could walk to one mediocre strip mall. But in the city, they can take the train to their friend in Brooklyn, to the movies, to a diner, etc. The time my son was late for school on the day he had a field trip he just took the train to the field trip location by himself and called to ask me to call the school and tell them where he was. We love living here. My kids don't care about organized sports.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in Manhattan and loved it. But, I should caveat that I lived a few blocks from Central Park and my family got out of the city a lot. We didn’t have a country house but were often invited to friends’ houses upstate, the Berkshires and Vermont. We also rented every year on Long Island (not Hamptons). So, I feel that I got a lot of exposure to the outdoors and am actually quite outdoorsy.
As for playing with friends outside after school, I am not sure I ever felt that loss. My parents did give me a lot of freedom at a young age (public bus to school by myself starting in 3rd grade), so I could go over to friend’s home on my own or meet them at a pizza parlor to play Donkey Kong (perhaps not the wholesome activity you are looking for 😊). In any event, I did like growing up there. You are exposed to so much, the good and the bad, which I think has equipped me well in life. I would say the biggest downside was being in a private school for 13 years with super rich and competitive kids. That has left way more psychological scars than not playing in the woods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in Manhattan and loved it. But, I should caveat that I lived a few blocks from Central Park and my family got out of the city a lot. We didn’t have a country house but were often invited to friends’ houses upstate, the Berkshires and Vermont. We also rented every year on Long Island (not Hamptons). So, I feel that I got a lot of exposure to the outdoors and am actually quite outdoorsy.
As for playing with friends outside after school, I am not sure I ever felt that loss. My parents did give me a lot of freedom at a young age (public bus to school by myself starting in 3rd grade), so I could go over to friend’s home on my own or meet them at a pizza parlor to play Donkey Kong (perhaps not the wholesome activity you are looking for 😊). In any event, I did like growing up there. You are exposed to so much, the good and the bad, which I think has equipped me well in life. I would say the biggest downside was being in a private school for 13 years with super rich and competitive kids. That has left way more psychological scars than not playing in the woods.

Dam

[Anonymous]

I grew up on Long Island. Went to college in the city and lived there for a decade before moving back to the suburbs. I left the city before I had my first kid- I didn’t want to raise kids in a cramped apartment, ultra competitive private schools, and an even more warped perspective of wealth.

If you love living in the city, you might not like the suburbs. The commute is hard, and particularly annoying with kids. But we prefer having the space and it being slightly lower key. We go into the city fairly often for restaurants, museums and events.

[Anonymous]

I have two friends both very rich and they live in Manhattan and Brooklyn and love it. They both seem to live near parks and their kids do a lot of sports, but maybe not as competitive as in the suburbs. They have very social kids. I think it helps to be very social and have a lot of money if you are going to live that lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

I know two families with kids who do travel sports (volleyball and swimming) and live in the city, it can happen but takes money and time. A boy in my HS class in the city was the #1 18 and under singles player in the country - also time and money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know two families with kids who do travel sports (volleyball and swimming) and live in the city, it can happen but takes money and time. A boy in my HS class in the city was the #1 18 and under singles player in the country - also time and money.

'

Yea - the sports scene is actually pretty big in the city. There are a lot of good facilities - the John McEnroe or Cary Leeds Center for tennis, lots of squash facilities, an olympic sized pool at Asphalt Green, Chelsea Piers in Chelsea, Randalls Island, Icahn stadium, etc.

The people I know who are very happy in NYC and have raised their kids there: 1) Have at least a 3 bedroom apartment, 2) Have a car in a garage, 3) send their kids to private school, and 4) have a house somewhere else. Yes this requires an absurd amount of money. Those people stay to raise their kids in the city. A lot of others end up moving eventually.

[Anonymous]

You need a lot of moola to make it a balanced experience. Oh and a nanny to shuttle the kids everywhere.

[Anonymous]

The main problem with people who were kids in NYC is that they won’t shut up about it.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in Manhattan. I graduated HS in 2000.

In HS I grew to really love Central and Riverside parks. I played frisbee with my friends so was kind of 'active'. I also started riding a bike to get to school and occasionally to friends' houses. Which is not exactly safe. (Perhaps the fact that my friends and I never drove intoxicated more than balanced this out...)

My first choice college was in Vermont, where I ended up going. I was really, really hungry for more time in nature.

For me, one huge plus of living in NYC was going to lots of incredible concerts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up on Long Island. Went to college in the city and lived there for a decade before moving back to the suburbs. I left the city before I had my first kid- I didn’t want to raise kids in a cramped apartment, ultra competitive private schools, and an even more warped perspective of wealth.

If you love living in the city, you might not like the suburbs. The commute is hard, and particularly annoying with kids. But we prefer having the space and it being slightly lower key. We go into the city fairly often for restaurants, museums and events.

This cannot be overstated. I have a NYC private school friend who was embarrassed by their +/- 8 million UES townhouse because their friend group all lived in 40+ million dollar places. Seriously twisted. If you're like general Big Law wealthy expect this insecurity and "woe is me, we are poor!" attitude to be magnified. It's a really warped perspective and hard to fight if you're running in or around these circles, which you will be if you're doing private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up on Long Island. Went to college in the city and lived there for a decade before moving back to the suburbs. I left the city before I had my first kid- I didn’t want to raise kids in a cramped apartment, ultra competitive private schools, and an even more warped perspective of wealth.

If you love living in the city, you might not like the suburbs. The commute is hard, and particularly annoying with kids. But we prefer having the space and it being slightly lower key. We go into the city fairly often for restaurants, museums and events.

This cannot be overstated. I have a NYC private school friend who was embarrassed by their +/- 8 million UES townhouse because their friend group all lived in 40+ million dollar places. Seriously twisted. If you're like general Big Law wealthy expect this insecurity and "woe is me, we are poor!" attitude to be magnified. It's a really warped perspective and hard to fight if you're running in or around these circles, which you will be if you're doing private.

I will say that I had a very different experience at the lovely small school i went to downtown. The wealth in all areas of the city is enormous but the UES is a whole different ballgame.

[Anonymous]

I didn't grow up in NYC but am raising my kids here. I think "NYC" is such a big place that if you want to stay in the city but have better access to parks, sports facilities, etc, there may be a better fit neighborhood for you. Our apartment is small but that's the only tradeoff I feel on a daily basis (and we are doing ok with it! I just would love an extra bedroom and a bigger living room). Our kids are in a great public school with a decent amount of space, and I can already see how my 2nd grader is soon going to have much more independence and freedom than I had growing up in the suburbs, but with the benefit of being in a neighborhood that feels very suburban in many ways.