What should I do with my college freshman daughter with her relationship and her social media?

[Anonymous]

My daughter, a freshman in college, currently has an Indian boyfriend. I've recently discovered that she's been sending him many inappropriate photos. He encourages her to do so, and she seems deeply invested in this relationship. She almost has no personal life, constantly updating social media, even when there's no substantial content, just to grab attention. Her first semester ended at very low GPA. Despite our efforts and the time and energy we've invested in her, she remains rebellious and unwilling to listen to us. I just want to protect her and help her see the reality of the situation, allowing her to understand how to safeguard herself. How should I approach advising her?

[Anonymous]

What does him being Indian have anything to do with it? The fact you started with that makes me think you might be scapegoating her struggles on him… and unfairly.

I would not mention the relationship AT ALLL but bring up your concerns about her GPA separately.

[Anonymous]

How do you know she's sending him inappropriate pictures? Assuming inappropriate means naked, you can and should talk to her about what could happen to those pictures once she loses control of them -- without mentioning his race (WTF?), social media, or b grades.

Grades are another conversation, where you can ask her what she thinks she did right and what she would like to change going forward -- and then you LISTEN.

[Anonymous]

So the inappropriate photos are not a concern? Like half naked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the inappropriate photos are not a concern? Like half naked?

Lots of people send pictures to their partners. But, she needs to be aware that once she sends them they’re out of her control (posting private sexts has become a form of harassment unfortunately). But generally, as an adult, no it’s not your concern.

[Anonymous]

I feel like I might be too old for this. It was shocking to me, but it seems like sending naked pictures is not a big deal in today's American culture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I might be too old for this. It was shocking to me, but it seems like sending naked pictures is not a big deal in today's American culture?

I think most people are doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does him being Indian have anything to do with it? The fact you started with that makes me think you might be scapegoating her struggles on him… and unfairly.

I would not mention the relationship AT ALLL but bring up your concerns about her GPA separately.

NP. I wondered if OP meant that he was an online international boyfriend. You are correct that the specific nationality shouldn't matter, but if it's an online relationship only that certainly seems a little scammy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does him being Indian have anything to do with it? The fact you started with that makes me think you might be scapegoating her struggles on him… and unfairly.

I would not mention the relationship AT ALLL but bring up your concerns about her GPA separately.

NP. I wondered if OP meant that he was an online international boyfriend. You are correct that the specific nationality shouldn't matter, but if it's an online relationship only that certainly seems a little scammy.

I hope OP comes back and clarifies. If this is a creepy online relationship that’s a very different thing and I’d be very concerned. If it’s that the daughter is dating, in person, a man the OP doesn’t like (perhaps for biased reasons), that’s quite another.

[Anonymous]

It is in person date. I have some good Indian friends, so no biased reasons. I just could accept the pictures and her grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is in person date. I have some good Indian friends, so no biased reasons. I just could accept the pictures and her grades.

Then why mention the guy is Indian at all? Btw, “I have friends who are [insert minority here]” as a defense is a sure tell for racism, conscious or not….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is in person date. I have some good Indian friends, so no biased reasons. I just could accept the pictures and her grades.

Then why mention the guy is Indian at all? Btw, “I have friends who are [insert minority here]” as a defense is a sure tell for racism, conscious or not….

Further reading: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27m_not_racist,_I_have_black_friends

[Anonymous]

I just spoke the truth. Why are you so sensitive about it? What the Fxxk do you think?

[Anonymous]

Your daughter's behavior goes against all of that. Here is what I would suggest: First, put your foot down and make it clear that this relationship with the Indian boyfriend is unacceptable. Their inappropriate interactions and his encouragement of lewd behavior is corrupting your daughter's morals and virtue. Insist that she ends things with him immediately. Second, restrict her access to social media and the internet. All that idle time spent seeking empty validation and attention is clearly damaging. Limit her phone and computer use and encourage real-world social interaction with friends of good moral character. Third, consider transferring her to a private religious college or university. Public secular campuses today are hotbeds of liberal indoctrination that warp young minds. At a conservative Christian school, she will be exposed to proper values and learn discipline. Finally, do not hesitate to lay down strict rules and harsh punishment if she continues to rebel. While she may protest, you are acting in her best interest. Remind her of her duty to family and faith. With a firm guiding hand, you can steer her back to the righteous path. Compromise and permissiveness will only make the situation worse. Stand strong, set clear rules and consequences, limit bad influences, and instill good conservative virtues. With diligent parenting, you can turn your daughter's life around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just spoke the truth. Why are you so sensitive about it? What the Fxxk do you think?

I think you don’t like the fact your daughter is dating a man of color and you’re looking for ways to sabotage it.

Your daughter is an adult. Equip her with info on staying safe re: sharing pics and talk about her grades but the boyfriend is off limits, especially give that I bet if he was a nice White boy, you would not have raised as an issue.