When your kid is friends with kid whose mom is kind of crazy

[Anonymous]

The kids in question are in 1st grade. They are in a team sport together and in the same school class so no avoiding the other mom. I don’t know her well and the kid seems nice enough, but the mom seems kind of, I don’t know, high strung? She hasn’t done anything too crazy, but I’m getting the early vibes.

How have you handled this? I’m a very polite person and will not ignore or be rude to people…

[Anonymous]

I'm like this other mom. Trust me, I know I am high strung and can be off putting. There is a lot going on at home that you don't know about, and I am struggling. So I keep my distance, and other moms think I seem standoffish.

There is just no winning around here.

[Anonymous]

Is she too clingy?

[Anonymous]

In preschool we had to deal with a very, very, high-strung parent. We were polite and kept out distance, because every conversation was uncomfortable. I was concerned she had a medical condition.

Many years later I met her again in my kids' schools. She was lovely and had calmed down a lot. Maybe she did a lot of work on herself, maybe she quit or starting taking meds for whatever condition, maybe whatever was stressing her out was managed... but I was very happy for her. Her previous persona was no way to live.

Sometimes being high-strung means something serious, beyond the person's control, is going on, and you really shouldn't judge, even if you must set certain restrictions to safeguard yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she too clingy?

Maybe? Or she is just gung-ho about stuff as doesn’t have a filter?

I am secretly high strung and anxious but I keep it to myself. I would not send a string of messages to the whole team’s parents about an upcoming team event. I would fret about it internally and not say anything to anyone. (I know… I have my own set of issues myself)

[Anonymous]

Do someone physically attach you two at the hip when you walk into the room, OP? Did someone say you have to spend the whole time interacting with this woman? Make polite chit chat for a minute, and then excuse yourself. You need to check on your kid/ask the event director a question/use the restroom/get something from your car, etc. Then you disappear, return, and end up on the other side of the room or the stands.

This shouldn't be that hard?

[Anonymous]

My kids are older now but my advice is to be civil and polite to the crazy parent, but if you like the kid - be the safe spot for them. One of my kids best friends has a mentally unstable parent and I was able to be a sounding board and a haven for them. I even invited the parents I don't love to parties to make them feel included which does help as well.

[Anonymous]

Just smile and nod. The craziest exchanges will be funny stories and make for funny memories. Within a few years you won’t be interacting with other parents much at all, unless you want to.

[Anonymous]

Crazy comes in many varieties. Don't choose your friends based on your kid. The kids can be friends. All that matters is what role will she have in the safety of your child. And whether her crazy impacts that.

[Anonymous]

I have this exact situation. The mom is both lovely and also stresses me out. I don't enjoy how I feel after talking to her for too long because her anxiety is through the roof and it must rub off. But that doesn't mean she's not a friendly face to chat with sometimes. I'm sure you can navigate this by just being friendly and polite but not forming a close friendship.

[Anonymous]

So this other mom hasn't done anything specific that you can point to as being a problem, but you just get a vibe from her that she seems high strung? And as a result you are worried about interacting with her and need advice on how to handle it because your kids are in the same 1st grade class and attend one sport together?

How can I break this gently? Um -- you are the one who is "high strung" and a little bit crazy.

This is a non-problem. Sounds like you two are not friend material (totally fine, you don't have to be friends with your kid's friend's parents). You handle this by learning her name, saying hello and making polite small talk when you see her, supporting your kids' friendship but not inviting this woman out for coffee or to your family's Thanksgiving since you guys don't "vibe" or whatever. The end.

Next year your kid will have a different friend whose mom you think is "crazy". What is actually happening here is that these are just people who exist and you are reacting perhaps a little too strongly to being in their general vicinity. I think you probably have some social anxiety issues.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PPs for the points you raised about empathy. You are right that I don’t know what’s going on in their lives. I will try to keep an open mind. I am internally pretty anxious and high strung myself, so will have to watch that if her energy begins affecting mine. The kid seems nice and gets along well with mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this other mom hasn't done anything specific that you can point to as being a problem, but you just get a vibe from her that she seems high strung? And as a result you are worried about interacting with her and need advice on how to handle it because your kids are in the same 1st grade class and attend one sport together?

How can I break this gently? Um -- you are the one who is "high strung" and a little bit crazy.

This is a non-problem. Sounds like you two are not friend material (totally fine, you don't have to be friends with your kid's friend's parents). You handle this by learning her name, saying hello and making polite small talk when you see her, supporting your kids' friendship but not inviting this woman out for coffee or to your family's Thanksgiving since you guys don't "vibe" or whatever. The end.

Next year your kid will have a different friend whose mom you think is "crazy". What is actually happening here is that these are just people who exist and you are reacting perhaps a little too strongly to being in their general vicinity. I think you probably have some social anxiety issues.

She began the season by texting the team chat a bunch of times for what were honestly non issues. I do have anxiety myself and could see internally thinking of some of the things she raised but would never have msged every single parent on the chat. There are a couple examples like that and she seems to have singled me and another kid’s mom out. Not negatively but maybe our kids are the ones her kid said are friends? I don’t know why.

That’s why I said high strung and kind of crazy, but I don’t think there’s anything really egregious I can point to yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this other mom hasn't done anything specific that you can point to as being a problem, but you just get a vibe from her that she seems high strung? And as a result you are worried about interacting with her and need advice on how to handle it because your kids are in the same 1st grade class and attend one sport together?

How can I break this gently? Um -- you are the one who is "high strung" and a little bit crazy.

This is a non-problem. Sounds like you two are not friend material (totally fine, you don't have to be friends with your kid's friend's parents). You handle this by learning her name, saying hello and making polite small talk when you see her, supporting your kids' friendship but not inviting this woman out for coffee or to your family's Thanksgiving since you guys don't "vibe" or whatever. The end.

Next year your kid will have a different friend whose mom you think is "crazy". What is actually happening here is that these are just people who exist and you are reacting perhaps a little too strongly to being in their general vicinity. I think you probably have some social anxiety issues.

She began the season by texting the team chat a bunch of times for what were honestly non issues to me. I do have anxiety myself and could see internally thinking of some of the things she raised but would never have msged every single parent on the chat. There are a couple examples like that and she seems to have singled me and another kid’s mom out. Not negatively but maybe our kids are the ones her kid said are friends? I don’t know why.

That’s why I said high strung and kind of crazy, but I don’t think there’s anything really egregious I can point to yet.

Fixed that for you. That she doesn't do it the way you would doesn't make her "crazy" and suggesting it does makes you both ableist (crazy is a slur, btw) and a jerk. Take your own meds, see your own therapist about it, and try not to judge so harshly simply because people aren't all exactly like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this other mom hasn't done anything specific that you can point to as being a problem, but you just get a vibe from her that she seems high strung? And as a result you are worried about interacting with her and need advice on how to handle it because your kids are in the same 1st grade class and attend one sport together?

How can I break this gently? Um -- you are the one who is "high strung" and a little bit crazy.

This is a non-problem. Sounds like you two are not friend material (totally fine, you don't have to be friends with your kid's friend's parents). You handle this by learning her name, saying hello and making polite small talk when you see her, supporting your kids' friendship but not inviting this woman out for coffee or to your family's Thanksgiving since you guys don't "vibe" or whatever. The end.

Next year your kid will have a different friend whose mom you think is "crazy". What is actually happening here is that these are just people who exist and you are reacting perhaps a little too strongly to being in their general vicinity. I think you probably have some social anxiety issues.

She began the season by texting the team chat a bunch of times for what were honestly non issues to me. I do have anxiety myself and could see internally thinking of some of the things she raised but would never have msged every single parent on the chat. There are a couple examples like that and she seems to have singled me and another kid’s mom out. Not negatively but maybe our kids are the ones her kid said are friends? I don’t know why.

That’s why I said high strung and kind of crazy, but I don’t think there’s anything really egregious I can point to yet.

Fixed that for you. That she doesn't do it the way you would doesn't make her "crazy" and suggesting it does makes you both ableist (crazy is a slur, btw) and a jerk. Take your own meds, see your own therapist about it, and try not to judge so harshly simply because people aren't all exactly like you.

This. It sounds like she might be more intense than I am personally. But that doesn't make her crazy and it's super judgy to view her as a problem based on this. Sometimes it's the parents who raise a lot of issues and are generally more intense who get useful things done. I absolutely have a few parents like this in my general parent-friend roster and while they are different from me, I view that as a *good* thing -- it takes all kinds.