when your teen has their bf/gf over

[Anonymous]

When your teenager has their bf or gf over, where do they hang out? Where are you? How often do you interact with them/make your presence known?
My oldest (daughter) has her first boyfriend and it sounds like they have a lot of plans to hang out over the upcoming break. DH and I both had very hands off parents so we are trying to figure out the balance of giving them space/privacy but also wanting to make sure things dont go too far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your teenager has their bf or gf over, where do they hang out? Where are you? How often do you interact with them/make your presence known?
My oldest (daughter) has her first boyfriend and it sounds like they have a lot of plans to hang out over the upcoming break. DH and I both had very hands off parents so we are trying to figure out the balance of giving them space/privacy but also wanting to make sure things dont go too far.

At first when DD got her 1st BF, they were only allowed to hang out in the living room or kitchen. No upstairs rooms/private rooms, and absolutely no doors closed. At some point the next year when she had her 2nd BF, we got to know him well and at some point we allowed them in her room or the basement but again no closed doors for a long while. NO overnights, none. We also always tried to meet their parents and check in on rules in their houeshold (or absence of rules) so we knew where we were with her going over to his house.

[Anonymous]

We go the route of encourage safety and comfort first and let the kid set those boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We go the route of encourage safety and comfort first and let the kid set those boundaries.

Lolz let us know how that works out for you

[Anonymous]

My teen can do whatever. I've made it clear that I will not support a teenage pregnancy. If my daughter gets pregnant all support ends. I can be very spiteful so my daughter knows I'm not bluffing. We haven't had any issues yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen can do whatever. I've made it clear that I will not support a teenage pregnancy. If my daughter gets pregnant all support ends. I can be very spiteful so my daughter knows I'm not bluffing. We haven't had any issues yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen can do whatever. I've made it clear that I will not support a teenage pregnancy. If my daughter gets pregnant all support ends. I can be very spiteful so my daughter knows I'm not bluffing. We haven't had any issues yet.

Are you hipolar?

[Anonymous]

Allowed in basement, there’s no door to our basement… I will wander through every now and again but don’t have eyes on them at all times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Allowed in basement, there’s no door to our basement… I will wander through every now and again but don’t have eyes on them at all times.

+1

I listen, and if it gets quiet I go down to “do laundry or get something from the storage room.” I’ll also send out giant puppy down there “by accident” and leave her for a bit so she disrupts the mood and then I “have to go get her.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen can do whatever. I've made it clear that I will not support a teenage pregnancy. If my daughter gets pregnant all support ends. I can be very spiteful so my daughter knows I'm not bluffing. We haven't had any issues yet.

Are you hipolar?

I don't think I'm bipolar. There are some things that I have zero flexibility on. My daughter knows all about safe sex etc. However if she chooses to be careless and get pregnant that's on her. Same thing with drugs if she's dumb enough to become a junkie that's on her. I will not participate in any of that. I will offer no help and she'll be on her own. I've been very clear about this. She knows exactly where I stand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Allowed in basement, there’s no door to our basement… I will wander through every now and again but don’t have eyes on them at all times.

Similar - allowed in basement (teen hangout space, eventually to become husband's man cave when they go to college), but we do have a door and it must remain open. I also will find a reason to go down there, like getting something from the basement refrigerator or whatnot, every once in a while. Absolutely not allowed upstairs (floor with bedrooms)

[Anonymous]

They hang out in the basement.

[Anonymous]

It depends on age. But if teens want to have sex, they will. I am not going to spend my time trying to police them to make sure they don’t. Instead I have spent a lot of time talking to my kids about consent, waiting till you are ready, birth control etc.

[Anonymous]

First significant other was at 16y. They could hang out in the basement (which is not closed off) and DH and I would periodically go down there (laundry is down there, DH's office, garage access.) No hanging out on the bedroom level. No closed doors.

[Anonymous]

This is OP, mostly this sounds like our rules at this point too. I’m curious if rules are different if you have boys vs girls. Are the girl’s moms more likely to have set rules in place?