middle school and pronouns/identity

[Anonymous]

In 6th and 7th grade, it seemed like talk of pronouns and declarations of identity (trans, pan, bi, demi) were very common in my kid's circle. Now that 8th grade has begun, I'm not hearing it is much. In so much as this might be called a trend (and I realize for some kids it's not a trend), is this becoming less common among middle schoolers, or maybe just among older middle schoolers? Any middle school teachers care to weigh in?

[Anonymous]

The ones who aren’t serious/are attention-seeking grow out of it by 8th and you are just left with the ones who truly feel this way. At one point in 6th, I think a quarter of the girls were claiming to be lesbian, trans, bi or non binary. Many of them were faking.

[Anonymous]

I think it is definitely common among the 6-8th graders. It is hard to separate out the grades, so I’m just going to generalize this is a middle school thing for sure. Not a teacher, but as a parent of a 6th and 8th grader, I definitely don’t assume anyone’s pronouns or gender anymore. I’ve been surprised one too many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is definitely common among the 6-8th graders. It is hard to separate out the grades, so I’m just going to generalize this is a middle school thing for sure. Not a teacher, but as a parent of a 6th and 8th grader, I definitely don’t assume anyone’s pronouns or gender anymore. I’ve been surprised one too many times.

Half the time the parents don’t know. I will see them at the grocery and they call their daughter “she” and by her given name. And then my DD will tell me that same child is non binary and goes by a completely unrelated name at school.

[Anonymous]

It appears that there is an uptick in MS but then the talk may go by the wayside in HS. I have a 9th grader and it doesn't appear to be a "thing" anymore. The kids who were in the thick of switching in MS either switched back or stayed consistent and, either way, it's not a relevant topic of discussion for the kids. My 6th grader reports that it's a topic of discussion for a number of girls he knows.

[Anonymous]

It is a fad for some. For some it is a true identity and they keep with it. Those kids need a lot more support because they have a trans identity and it can be a hard journey.

I do think there is a bit of a shift away, like pronouns are seen as a bit drama. Kids will now use “they/them” as a way to describe a drama queen. As in, “Julie’s a they/them,” said with an eyeroll, to express that Julie is a handful or hard to get along with.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully this fad is on its way out. But who knows what fad will take its place!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ones who aren’t serious/are attention-seeking grow out of it by 8th and you are just left with the ones who truly feel this way. At one point in 6th, I think a quarter of the girls were claiming to be lesbian, trans, bi or non binary. Many of them were faking.

Or maybe they were trying out an identity as a normal part of the growing-up process.

Many of us had a goth, emo, punk (or whatever) phase in our teenage years, but eventually realized it wasn’t the right fit for us. Kids today just feel like they have more options to try out before they settle into their true selves.

I don’t necessarily see it as a “fad,” or “trendy,” but more as a broader version of what teenagers have always gone through. Generally, if parents can keep their chill, kids will work through it with their mental heath and relationships intact. Either let them backtrack gracefully, or support them as they move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ones who aren’t serious/are attention-seeking grow out of it by 8th and you are just left with the ones who truly feel this way. At one point in 6th, I think a quarter of the girls were claiming to be lesbian, trans, bi or non binary. Many of them were faking.

Or maybe they were trying out an identity as a normal part of the growing-up process.

Many of us had a goth, emo, punk (or whatever) phase in our teenage years, but eventually realized it wasn’t the right fit for us. Kids today just feel like they have more options to try out before they settle into their true selves.

I don’t necessarily see it as a “fad,” or “trendy,” but more as a broader version of what teenagers have always gone through. Generally, if parents can keep their chill, kids will work through it with their mental heath and relationships intact. Either let them backtrack gracefully, or support them as they move forward.

The underlying search for identity isn’t a fad. Search for identity is a process of teenagers growing up and has been for time immemorial. What is the trend or fad is the participation form that it takes, in this case a gender identity, but in previous years goth, punk, whatever. The kids of Gen Z will have their own new identities as part of their growing up process.

[Anonymous]

My kid is a sophomore and it’s still very much a thing among her friend group. I think it depends on what kind of crowd/interests they gravitate to. Mine goes to a school for performing and visual arts, and cishet kids are very much in the minority there. They are deeply into identity exploration and pushing boundaries and the pronouns are all over the place. Probably not the case on the girls’ field hockey team.

[Anonymous]

It’s disturbing to think of sixth graders thinking of their sexuality at all in any serious way. If they are I assume it is being pushed onto them by their attention seeking parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ones who aren’t serious/are attention-seeking grow out of it by 8th and you are just left with the ones who truly feel this way. At one point in 6th, I think a quarter of the girls were claiming to be lesbian, trans, bi or non binary. Many of them were faking.

Or maybe they were trying out an identity as a normal part of the growing-up process.

Many of us had a goth, emo, punk (or whatever) phase in our teenage years, but eventually realized it wasn’t the right fit for us. Kids today just feel like they have more options to try out before they settle into their true selves.

I don’t necessarily see it as a “fad,” or “trendy,” but more as a broader version of what teenagers have always gone through. Generally, if parents can keep their chill, kids will work through it with their mental heath and relationships intact. Either let them backtrack gracefully, or support them as they move forward.

The underlying search for identity isn’t a fad. Search for identity is a process of teenagers growing up and has been for time immemorial. What is the trend or fad is the participation form that it takes, in this case a gender identity, but in previous years goth, punk, whatever. The kids of Gen Z will have their own new identities as part of their growing up process.

NP here. Gender nonconformity isn't a fad. That has been around for a really, really long time. But you are right in that an exploration of gender identity has been a fad-ish form of adolescents finding their identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s disturbing to think of sixth graders thinking of their sexuality at all in any serious way. If they are I assume it is being pushed onto them by their attention seeking parents.

Is thinking about being a man or woman, to you, thinking about your sexuality? For me, thinking about being a woman and thinking about being straight are two different trains of thought.

Also, have you been in a middle school recently? Sixth graders are eleven and twelve. It's prime time for hormones galore. Sorry to break it to you but many are thinking about sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s disturbing to think of sixth graders thinking of their sexuality at all in any serious way. If they are I assume it is being pushed onto them by their attention seeking parents.

Not even a little bit. It’s completely age appropriate to have crushes and attractions in 6th grade. But the obsession with this topic is being driven by peers vis a vis the internet and social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s disturbing to think of sixth graders thinking of their sexuality at all in any serious way. If they are I assume it is being pushed onto them by their attention seeking parents.

Sixth graders have always thought about their sexuality.

But gender identity is not the same thing as sexual identity.