Would you feel slighted by this (MIL/SIL)

[Anonymous]

DH and I and his sister (my SIL) live in the DC area. Their mom, my MIL, retired someplace a plane ride away. We all get along fine, wouldn’t say we’re super close, but at least superficially we’re all happy to see each other.

When MIL visits she usually stays with her daughter but we all maximize the time together as a larger group.

I’m currently home on maternity leave and MIL came for a long weekend visit. This time she stayed with us (SIL was tied up with other visitors). MIL’s visit was fine until the day before she left, which was when SIL free’d up from her visitors. MIL announced that SIL was picking her up for a “girls lunch” at a nice restaurant and then an afternoon of museum seeing. This was on a weekday when DH was at work. It was clear I was not invited, and when SIL arrived to pick up MIL I acted a bit frosty. They both repeatedly gushed about “never getting the chance to do something like this just the 2 of us”.

I am pretty hurt. It seems totally rude especially since I could’ve used an outing, even if I only joined for part of it, with the baby. Seems rude especially since I was hosting MIL.

Am I off base for being miffed? I don’t think they dislike me but it was clear not in their inner circle. Which is true and fine, just hurtful to have it in my face like this.

[Anonymous]

Aren't you taking care of your baby?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are entitled to your feelings- but nobody did anything wrong.

MIL had spent a lot of time with you. She wanted to spend 1:1 time with her daughter. That is OK. I'm sure I will want that when I am some day a MIL.

[Anonymous]

How old is your baby? Fancy restaurant and museum doesn’t sound conducive to toting along an infant.

[Anonymous]

A young baby is not conducive to lunch at a nice restaurant and touring a museum. Let them have their mom-daughter time and ask your DH to arrange for a sitter and take you out for a date.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t sound like they handled it super gracefully but it would not have bothered me. When I was on maternity leave and didn’t get out much I would have enjoyed an outing but I was so busy with the eternal cycle of naps, feeding and diapers it would not have been that enjoyable. Maybe invite your SIL to do something just the two of you?

[Anonymous]

Maybe mother and daughter wanted time with just with the two of them? Find yourself some friends, go out for brunch. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

No, you're at home taking care of a baby, which doesn't go with the outing they planned.

[Anonymous]

If it hurt your feelings (which it frankly shouldn't have) then you should have used your WORDS to convey that and not "acted miffed". Your MIL spent all the time with you and your kid(s) and then wanted to see her kid for a bit, without a baby tagging along to a nice lunch and museum. Is that hard to understand? No diaper changing, nothing revolving around feeding, naps, etc.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're off-base for being miffed. Direct relations like to spend time together just them. It's different. It's decades-old inside jokes that don't need to be explained, it's understanding intricate relationship dynamics that don't have to be spelled out, etc.

Just let them have four hours for a lunch and museum. (Is it possible this is hormones making you overly sensitive?)

[Anonymous]

I say this gently - you are reading too much into it.

She wanted an afternoon with her daughter. Take a look at the baby you are holding. One day, when he/she is all grown up and you live a plane ride away, you will want a few hours with just you two.

Enjoy this precious time with your little one.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you were wrong and very rude.

[Anonymous]

MIL and SIL are entitled to fun time together, OP, all the more so that their planned outing is not baby-friendly, unless your baby is older and easy.

But maybe you're hurt because MIL did nothing to help you or show gratitude when she was with you? Imposing on a young mother and not helping out is the height of rudeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

MIL and SIL are entitled to fun time together, OP, all the more so that their planned outing is not baby-friendly, unless your baby is older and easy.

But maybe you're hurt because MIL did nothing to help you or show gratitude when she was with you? Imposing on a young mother and not helping out is the height of rudeness.

Right on cue.... you are literally making up a reason that the MIL did something wrong to piss off DIL. so damn typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

MIL and SIL are entitled to fun time together, OP, all the more so that their planned outing is not baby-friendly, unless your baby is older and easy.

But maybe you're hurt because MIL did nothing to help you or show gratitude when she was with you? Imposing on a young mother and not helping out is the height of rudeness.

Right on cue.... you are literally making up a reason that the MIL did something wrong to piss off DIL. so damn typical.

What's your problem? OP does not have a reason to be miffed, so I am explaining circumstances when she could legitimately be miffed. Go away.