Post separation abuse...

[Anonymous]

Recently left an abusive marriage (over 20 years); I am still being stalked, harassed, sabotaged and threatened. Working with a DV program, but support is very limited. Was a SAHM, so needing to start over. 2 pre teen kids, one young adult/college bound. Kids being bribed, brainwashed and alienated. Trying to survive.

[Anonymous]

One Mom's Battle (website, book, and social media) is a good resource. She recommends a technique called Yellow Rock, which helped me.

[Anonymous]

Right there with you. At least I am not doubting my decision to leave.

Learn what you need to pay attention to, and what you can ignore. That helped me immensely.

And be the best parent you can be when the kids are with you. Be a stable, supportive place where your kids can be themselves. They will figure it out in time.

[Anonymous]

By leaving an abusive spouse, you have taken concrete action to ensure your kids have a better future, so congratulations, you are obviously a great mom. Your kids are still fairly young and over time if you can focus on providing them with a sense of stability, love, boundaries and consistency (basically the opposite of what your ex is doing) they will be ok regardless of your ex trying to manipulate them. I don't have any real advice but if you have a lawyer maybe they can connect you with more resources, maybe you need a restraining order. Just document everything and stay strong. Sending hugs from one stranger to another on the internet.

[Anonymous]

Do you have an attorney and a stay away order? You should not have to deal with that. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Lawyer might be able to help you with co-parental harassment.

Sounds like you might be dealing with a personality disordered spouse. Check out the website Out of the Fog for some concrete advice.

Do you have a parenting communication app, like OneWizard? It prints to a PDF for parenting court if you need a document of the harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer might be able to help you with co-parental harassment.

Sounds like you might be dealing with a personality disordered spouse. Check out the website Out of the Fog for some concrete advice.

Do you have a parenting communication app, like OneWizard? It prints to a PDF for parenting court if you need a document of the harassment.

NP, and haven't experienced this myself, but came to note what PP says -- there are communication apps and other ways to force communication (about kid schedules, legal stuff, etc.) ONLY through those platforms. OP, if you haven't already, talk to your lawyer immediately about how to get all contact between you and the ex onto such a platform. No texting, no emails whenever about whatever, no calls, everything goes through the app (or a monitored site of some type, if not an app, per se). That won't necessarily stop harassment, of course, but if your lawyer can get the court to make app-only communication a requirement for you both, then you have records of all communication there -- and when he tries to communicate outside that app or site, he's violating written instructions. It's not a solution to harassment and abuse but it could provide a way to document things and also pursue other remedies if he keeps going outside that app/site to contact you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently left an abusive marriage (over 20 years); I am still being stalked, harassed, sabotaged and threatened. Working with a DV program, but support is very limited. Was a SAHM, so needing to start over. 2 pre teen kids, one young adult/college bound. Kids being bribed, brainwashed and alienated. Trying to survive.

First of all, do not let the younger ones have cellphones when they are with you. That way the abusive contact is minimized.

[Anonymous]

As someone who went through this I found the apps very problematic because it just gave him a platform and audience to perform and paint me out to be an idiot. He was extremely condescending without crossing the line in an attempt to make me look incompetent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently left an abusive marriage (over 20 years); I am still being stalked, harassed, sabotaged and threatened. Working with a DV program, but support is very limited. Was a SAHM, so needing to start over. 2 pre teen kids, one young adult/college bound. Kids being bribed, brainwashed and alienated. Trying to survive.

I hate to say this, BUT that some of this is very high level and can be said that it is only being seen through your lens. You dont really spell out what the abuse was- mental, emotional, physical etc.

Stalking is something that you can prove and take care of legally. Harassed/Sabotaged/threatened harder to "prove" but you don't spell out what is being done here, so while it could be proved, it could also be disproved. Would a judge say that you are 100% being harassed or that you feel like you are harassed?

Kids being bribed/brainwashed/alienated, again hate to say but you may have to put up with some of that. You cant control what he says about you, you cant control what he buys them or why, you cant control many things now that you are not a unified front raising kids. I am not saying its right, but I will say that kids are smarter then they look and will grow up to see what it "real" in life and what is not.

The only thing you can do is control who you are and how you choose to react and how you choose to raise the kids.

Feel for you!