Your 2023 HS grad is not an adult.

[Anonymous]

I'm getting so tired of fellow parents saying that their goofy child who graduates this month is now "all grown up and has flown the coop." These are the same parents who are about to write some of the biggest checks of their lives to cover the tuition and room and board costs of these children. Most of them have teens who have never worked a day of their life, so they've never earned a dime to support themselves and nor do they plan to for a long time. They use their parent's credit cards to shop online for clothes and games. The same parents are including these teens in their summer travel budgets, which few parents do for their adult children. And they're already buying things like pillows and towels, something my parents haven't done for me since I got my first job after college.

What is motivating these parents to want so badly to see their teens as adults at this stage in life? I could understand it if they were the type of parents who tell kids they're on their own the minute they turn 18 (no car, no phone, no free housing and food.) But these are just your basic DMV UMC teens who are buying $300 prom dresses and plotting to get hold of hard liquor and weed for the prom after party. They have zero intention to be self-supporting for at least four years.

[Anonymous]

Some of the class of 2023 is still 17--so for them, I agree with you.
18 year olds are adults. Your opinion doesn't matter, it is a legal definition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting so tired of fellow parents saying that their goofy child who graduates this month is now "all grown up and has flown the coop." These are the same parents who are about to write some of the biggest checks of their lives to cover the tuition and room and board costs of these children. Most of them have teens who have never worked a day of their life, so they've never earned a dime to support themselves and nor do they plan to for a long time. They use their parent's credit cards to shop online for clothes and games. The same parents are including these teens in their summer travel budgets, which few parents do for their adult children. And they're already buying things like pillows and towels, something my parents haven't done for me since I got my first job after college.

What is motivating these parents to want so badly to see their teens as adults at this stage in life? I could understand it if they were the type of parents who tell kids they're on their own the minute they turn 18 (no car, no phone, no free housing and food.) But these are just your basic DMV UMC teens who are buying $300 prom dresses and plotting to get hold of hard liquor and weed for the prom after party. They have zero intention to be self-supporting for at least four years.

Get out of your bubble. That was not my experience growing up, nor is it my kids’ or their friends. My kids & their friends have all had jobs since 16. Full-time in the summers and once a week & on weekends during the school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of the class of 2023 is still 17--so for them, I agree with you.
18 year olds are adults. Your opinion doesn't matter, it is a legal definition.

+1 Parents cannot talk to their 18YO offspring's doctor or have access to their grades unless the young adult grants access in a legal document.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting so tired of fellow parents saying that their goofy child who graduates this month is now "all grown up and has flown the coop." These are the same parents who are about to write some of the biggest checks of their lives to cover the tuition and room and board costs of these children. Most of them have teens who have never worked a day of their life, so they've never earned a dime to support themselves and nor do they plan to for a long time. They use their parent's credit cards to shop online for clothes and games. The same parents are including these teens in their summer travel budgets, which few parents do for their adult children. And they're already buying things like pillows and towels, something my parents haven't done for me since I got my first job after college.

What is motivating these parents to want so badly to see their teens as adults at this stage in life? I could understand it if they were the type of parents who tell kids they're on their own the minute they turn 18 (no car, no phone, no free housing and food.) But these are just your basic DMV UMC teens who are buying $300 prom dresses and plotting to get hold of hard liquor and weed for the prom after party. They have zero intention to be self-supporting for at least four years.

O-k-a-y.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of the class of 2023 is still 17--so for them, I agree with you.
18 year olds are adults. Your opinion doesn't matter, it is a legal definition.

They can legally sign documents. It’s not like they have adult brains, and sone of them are still growing. There are parents who no longer have house rules once their kid turns 18. “They’re an adult! I can’t say anything!” Yet, these parents give them all the financial and logistical support of a young teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting so tired of fellow parents saying that their goofy child who graduates this month is now "all grown up and has flown the coop." These are the same parents who are about to write some of the biggest checks of their lives to cover the tuition and room and board costs of these children. Most of them have teens who have never worked a day of their life, so they've never earned a dime to support themselves and nor do they plan to for a long time. They use their parent's credit cards to shop online for clothes and games. The same parents are including these teens in their summer travel budgets, which few parents do for their adult children. And they're already buying things like pillows and towels, something my parents haven't done for me since I got my first job after college.

What is motivating these parents to want so badly to see their teens as adults at this stage in life? I could understand it if they were the type of parents who tell kids they're on their own the minute they turn 18 (no car, no phone, no free housing and food.) But these are just your basic DMV UMC teens who are buying $300 prom dresses and plotting to get hold of hard liquor and weed for the prom after party. They have zero intention to be self-supporting for at least four years.

Because the day your kid turns 18, you have literally zero legal control over them except with money. If they go away to college & live in the dorms, they have a ton of freedom that they must know how to use responsibly. With FERPA, the college isn’t required to tell you anything about your kid. You might be the one writing the checks in the case of your child, but that isn’t the case for every kid (lots of kids on loans, scholarship & paying for the rest themselves). The school won’t tell you if your kid fails out or is having a mental health crisis.

Lots of kids will do the following in college for the first time: have sex, take Amtrak/public transportation/flights alone, choose how to spend money, decide which foods they’re going to buy etc

You could drop your kid off at college & they could proceed to open their own bank account, debit card & credit card. They could get married, drop out, have a kid, join the military and move to another country for all you know.

With my use of “you,” I don’t literally mean “you” as in OP.

[Anonymous]

It’s clear OP is not talking about legality. Good lord people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the class of 2023 is still 17--so for them, I agree with you.
18 year olds are adults. Your opinion doesn't matter, it is a legal definition.

+1 Parents cannot talk to their 18YO offspring's doctor or have access to their grades unless the young adult grants access in a legal document.

DP. Regardless of the legal definition, parents should be aware of their kids' capacity to manage the responsibilities of adulthood. That capacity varies, depending on a number of factors - maturity, experiences, parenting, etc.

I have boy-girl twins who are both 17. I have every confidence that my DD can manage her life on her own or come to me for support if she needs it. My son, on the other hand, is nowhere near the level of maturity necessary to become a responsible adult. He will require oversight for much longer, as he is far less mature and is a different person than his sister (ADHD).

I will say that obtaining and holding down a job is important, and I wish I had pushed my kids more to get jobs. I didn't push mine because I was working in a demanding and stressful job, and my DH has little flexibility, so getting them to work felt overwhelming, if not impossible.

[Anonymous]

Bait?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting so tired of fellow parents saying that their goofy child who graduates this month is now "all grown up and has flown the coop." These are the same parents who are about to write some of the biggest checks of their lives to cover the tuition and room and board costs of these children. Most of them have teens who have never worked a day of their life, so they've never earned a dime to support themselves and nor do they plan to for a long time. They use their parent's credit cards to shop online for clothes and games. The same parents are including these teens in their summer travel budgets, which few parents do for their adult children. And they're already buying things like pillows and towels, something my parents haven't done for me since I got my first job after college.

What is motivating these parents to want so badly to see their teens as adults at this stage in life? I could understand it if they were the type of parents who tell kids they're on their own the minute they turn 18 (no car, no phone, no free housing and food.) But these are just your basic DMV UMC teens who are buying $300 prom dresses and plotting to get hold of hard liquor and weed for the prom after party. They have zero intention to be self-supporting for at least four years.

I can explain. I was puzzled by those posts too, at first. Then, I realized that kids from families won’t be coming back to their hometowns much at all, at least not again until well after college. They will probably never live at their parents’ house again for more than a few days, because they’ll never have to.

In such families, living away from home for all four years without exception is covered financially, as are exotic spring break trips, living in a different city for summer internships, winter trips, study abroad etc. These kids don’t have to come home for the summer after freshman year to save money & work at a restaurant. They have an internship lined up on the opposite coast through family connections. Immediately after college graduation, there’s money for 2 months rent & security deposit available.

[Anonymous]

My senior has special needs but is legally an adult: and that, OP, is the scariest thing ever! He is criminally liable for anything, and yet he’s not developed enough to understand a lot of social situations.

So we are very careful with him. He will go to college close by, try dorm living, but we will keep tabs on him… and he’s OK with that, thank goodness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting so tired of fellow parents saying that their goofy child who graduates this month is now "all grown up and has flown the coop." These are the same parents who are about to write some of the biggest checks of their lives to cover the tuition and room and board costs of these children. Most of them have teens who have never worked a day of their life, so they've never earned a dime to support themselves and nor do they plan to for a long time. They use their parent's credit cards to shop online for clothes and games. The same parents are including these teens in their summer travel budgets, which few parents do for their adult children. And they're already buying things like pillows and towels, something my parents haven't done for me since I got my first job after college.

What is motivating these parents to want so badly to see their teens as adults at this stage in life? I could understand it if they were the type of parents who tell kids they're on their own the minute they turn 18 (no car, no phone, no free housing and food.) But these are just your basic DMV UMC teens who are buying $300 prom dresses and plotting to get hold of hard liquor and weed for the prom after party. They have zero intention to be self-supporting for at least four years.

Is English not your first language? It's an expression. Parents are talking about the fact that their children are, physically, adults and that they are leaving home. One can be sentimental about that without calculating how long it will be until their child is financially self supporting.

I just found a couple of pictures of my son and best friend at age 9 vs. 18. The difference took my breath away and I sent it to the other mother. We talked about time passing, they are grown up now, blah blah blah. I know my kid is a goofy teen who still wants me to make dinner for him as is depending on us to pay for his college. It's ok, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s clear OP is not talking about legality. Good lord people.

OP is just ranting about how she's "tired." It's not clear that she's talking about anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting so tired of fellow parents saying that their goofy child who graduates this month is now "all grown up and has flown the coop." These are the same parents who are about to write some of the biggest checks of their lives to cover the tuition and room and board costs of these children. Most of them have teens who have never worked a day of their life, so they've never earned a dime to support themselves and nor do they plan to for a long time. They use their parent's credit cards to shop online for clothes and games. The same parents are including these teens in their summer travel budgets, which few parents do for their adult children. And they're already buying things like pillows and towels, something my parents haven't done for me since I got my first job after college.

What is motivating these parents to want so badly to see their teens as adults at this stage in life? I could understand it if they were the type of parents who tell kids they're on their own the minute they turn 18 (no car, no phone, no free housing and food.) But these are just your basic DMV UMC teens who are buying $300 prom dresses and plotting to get hold of hard liquor and weed for the prom after party. They have zero intention to be self-supporting for at least four years.

Being mature & being fully financially supported by your parents are not mutually exclusive. I grew up in a very wealthy family in NYC and my parents started leaving me home alone while they traveled starting my freshman year of high school. I did some clubbing, yes. Developed excellent street smarts. Emotionally, I grew up fast.