Kids feelings on 50/50 week on week off split

[Anonymous]

I think week on week off plans are a problem. I think kids need the stability of one home, and to feel part of the day to day most of the time.

I think 50/50 splits might be great for some parents (a week off to do what they need/socialize/date whatever, regular contact with the kid) but what is the benefit to any kid? I just think it's a lot to put on kids, that they will spend their childhood moving every week and never really belong anywhere.

But these are just my thoughts that may be totally off base so am wondering others thoughts and experiences. My kids are solely with me, I'm not wondering for legal purposes, just wondering.

[Anonymous]

It works for some families because it gives both parents the ability to make kids feel like they belong in that home. My kids are mostly with me and they don't love going to Dad's because they feel like guests there (Dad remarried and has a new family). I know if they split their time, this feeling would be alleviated but sadly dad wasn't interested in a 50/50 arrangement.

[Anonymous]

It is amazing for my kid. She has a full relationship with me and a full relationship with her father. Moreover, as we don’t have her all the time, we each try hard to make the time with her quality. It sound like you procreated with someone unworthy, I did not, and I’m so happy my daughter has both of these wonderful homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is amazing for my kid. She has a full relationship with me and a full relationship with her father. Moreover, as we don’t have her all the time, we each try hard to make the time with her quality. It sound like you procreated with someone unworthy, I did not, and I’m so happy my daughter has both of these wonderful homes.

How many homes do you have? When you say you just want to go home where do you think of? Now ask your DD the same questions.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely hated it as a kid. I spent 10 years moving back and forth every few days and it was a defining aspect of my childhood. I never felt like either house was my "home."

But seriously, what's the alternative? My parents tried to to have me stay put in our family home while they switched at first and it was a disaster. If you want two equally involved parents, I don't know what you're supposed to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is amazing for my kid. She has a full relationship with me and a full relationship with her father. Moreover, as we don’t have her all the time, we each try hard to make the time with her quality. It sound like you procreated with someone unworthy, I did not, and I’m so happy my daughter has both of these wonderful homes.

How many homes do you have? When you say you just want to go home where do you think of? Now ask your DD the same questions.

Young kids don't ascribe those feelings to "home". Older kids do. So the arrangement is definitely preferable for younger kids because it will give them a relationship with both parents. And that's more important than what you're describing--which is a purely adult notion. Teens want one home because of their activities and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is amazing for my kid. She has a full relationship with me and a full relationship with her father. Moreover, as we don’t have her all the time, we each try hard to make the time with her quality. It sound like you procreated with someone unworthy, I did not, and I’m so happy my daughter has both of these wonderful homes.

NP. Yeah, you and your ex are so "worthy" that you couldn't even be bothered to stay together. Way better for your kid to have to pack and schlep, pack and schlep, every week for the rest of her childhood so you can focus on making yourself happy and fulfilled, amirite? You are SUCH a FANTASTIC mommy, everyone should stand up and applaud you for being soooo awesome, unlike all these other stupid women.

Jesus. And FTR, this isn't an anti-divorce post, it's an anti-judgy-mommy post...because I don't think you'll get that unless it's spelled out for you, sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is amazing for my kid. She has a full relationship with me and a full relationship with her father. Moreover, as we don’t have her all the time, we each try hard to make the time with her quality. It sound like you procreated with someone unworthy, I did not, and I’m so happy my daughter has both of these wonderful homes.

NP. Yeah, you and your ex are so "worthy" that you couldn't even be bothered to stay together. Way better for your kid to have to pack and schlep, pack and schlep, every week for the rest of her childhood so you can focus on making yourself happy and fulfilled, amirite? You are SUCH a FANTASTIC mommy, everyone should stand up and applaud you for being soooo awesome, unlike all these other stupid women.

Jesus. And FTR, this isn't an anti-divorce post, it's an anti-judgy-mommy post...because I don't think you'll get that unless it's spelled out for you, sweetie.

Get Lost!! Hope you never have to get divorced. What an asshole to write this post. You must need to get a hobby!

[Anonymous]

There is no way my DH or I would want to spend anything less than 50% of the time with our kids in the event we divorced. And my DH is a wonderful and very involved dad. I would never want to deprive my kids of their relationship with him.

[Anonymous]

I think fifty fifty with parents living close by is great. My boyfriend does three to four days on and three to four days off and they live three blocks from each other.

Honestly I think week on week off would be better because going back and forth every few days seems a bit hectic but whatever it’s not my decision.

Anyway, the kids get to see each parent a lot and they are in the same area as their friends and schools regardless of where they are.

[Anonymous]

No one thinks 50/50 is a great idea. It’s just the least terrible option.

[Anonymous]

there is no schedule that is good for kids for the record... signed someone that was raised in a divorced family. Once they get to the age where they spend a lot of time with friends, living in two houses is a nightmare - there really isn't a schedule that solves that issue.

I think for the 50/50 split though the best option is the “5-2-2-5”. One parent has Mondays and Tuesdays overnight. The other parent has Wednesdays and Thursdays overnight. The parents alternate the Friday-Saturday-Sunday overnights each week. If you are the Wednesday-Thursday parent, you have Wednesday-Thursday-Friday-Saturday-Sunday one week (that’s the first 5) and Wednesday-Thursday the other week (that’s the second 2). The other parent has Monday-Tuesday the first week (that’s the first 2) and Friday-Saturday-Sunday-Monday-Tuesday the second week (that’s the second 5).

[Anonymous]

We were pretty much school week at one house and weekends at the other (but with a special needs kid, the bus can only pick up from one location, so there wasn't much flexibility). However, as our children got older, we became more and more flexible realizing that the second parent could just drive the child to the bus (with a nice Starbucks pickup to make the earlier wake time worth it) and really just let the kids take the lead.

For us and the kids, it has worked to be this flexible. We have never gone a full week without either of us seeing the kids, and the kids seems to prefer the flexibility. Next year, when my DD gets her license, I expect even more flexibility.

I know this won't work for most, but just wanted to throw it out there that there is no right/wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:there is no schedule that is good for kids for the record... signed someone that was raised in a divorced family. Once they get to the age where they spend a lot of time with friends, living in two houses is a nightmare - there really isn't a schedule that solves that issue.

I think for the 50/50 split though the best option is the “5-2-2-5”. One parent has Mondays and Tuesdays overnight. The other parent has Wednesdays and Thursdays overnight. The parents alternate the Friday-Saturday-Sunday overnights each week. If you are the Wednesday-Thursday parent, you have Wednesday-Thursday-Friday-Saturday-Sunday one week (that’s the first 5) and Wednesday-Thursday the other week (that’s the second 2). The other parent has Monday-Tuesday the first week (that’s the first 2) and Friday-Saturday-Sunday-Monday-Tuesday the second week (that’s the second 5).

What about if the two houses are a few blocks away? How does that affect friendships? Especially when kids have cell phones so their friends can always reach them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is amazing for my kid. She has a full relationship with me and a full relationship with her father. Moreover, as we don’t have her all the time, we each try hard to make the time with her quality. It sound like you procreated with someone unworthy, I did not, and I’m so happy my daughter has both of these wonderful homes.

NP. Yeah, you and your ex are so "worthy" that you couldn't even be bothered to stay together. Way better for your kid to have to pack and schlep, pack and schlep, every week for the rest of her childhood so you can focus on making yourself happy and fulfilled, amirite? You are SUCH a FANTASTIC mommy, everyone should stand up and applaud you for being soooo awesome, unlike all these other stupid women.

Jesus. And FTR, this isn't an anti-divorce post, it's an anti-judgy-mommy post...because I don't think you'll get that unless it's spelled out for you, sweetie.

Whatever the hell is your character defect? You sound broken.