Best dating apps for square queers

[Anonymous]

I’m not 420 friendly, ENM, poly, etc etc etc.
I’m a single gay woman in 40s.
I have a solid career and I take pretty good care of myself.
I’d like to find a partner who is similar in those ways.
What are the best apps for this? I’m currently on Her and OKCupid, swiping left through a lot of people who clearly do not take care of themselves or seem to have much going for themselves. I realized I am getting to the bottom of the bucket when I’m reading a profile that I would swipe right on and then see they last updated it in 2020.
I’m willing to pay for an app would weed out a lot of the riff raff, but I can’t afford Tawkify levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not 420 friendly, ENM, poly, etc etc etc.
I’m a single gay woman in 40s.
I have a solid career and I take pretty good care of myself.
I’d like to find a partner who is similar in those ways.
What are the best apps for this? I’m currently on Her and OKCupid, swiping left through a lot of people who clearly do not take care of themselves or seem to have much going for themselves. I realized I am getting to the bottom of the bucket when I’m reading a profile that I would swipe right on and then see they last updated it in 2020.
I’m willing to pay for an app would weed out a lot of the riff raff, but I can’t afford Tawkify levels.

i’m getting asexual vibes from op. for what it’s worth i’m an attractive, successful lesbian and met my attractive, successful wife on okcupid.

[Anonymous]

If you want to find a love match, you gotta open your heart to other people's strengths and the things that make them special. Being in a state of contempt for most of the people around you and saying they're "riff raff" who don't have anything going for them is a poisonous mentality that's going to sabotage your attempts to meet people who you want to build relationships with, and to connect with those people when you do. You need to adjust your mindset, not your dating app. You're not going to find love by complaining that you can't afford the quality service with quality people but everyone else in your income bracket is a loser.

You may also need to figure out what keywords you should be using to filter your results (is "do not take care of themselves" code for "420 friendly" or something else?). There's nothing wrong with being a square and the queer dating sites I've been on are full of women who are attractive and have successful careers, don't make drugs a central part of their lives, and aren't part of any countercultures. Having boundaries and standards isn't the same thing as going into dating thinking of most of your peer group as trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not 420 friendly, ENM, poly, etc etc etc.
I’m a single gay woman in 40s.
I have a solid career and I take pretty good care of myself.
I’d like to find a partner who is similar in those ways.
What are the best apps for this? I’m currently on Her and OKCupid, swiping left through a lot of people who clearly do not take care of themselves or seem to have much going for themselves. I realized I am getting to the bottom of the bucket when I’m reading a profile that I would swipe right on and then see they last updated it in 2020.
I’m willing to pay for an app would weed out a lot of the riff raff, but I can’t afford Tawkify levels.

i’m getting asexual vibes from op. for what it’s worth i’m an attractive, successful lesbian and met my attractive, successful wife on okcupid.

Interesting! OP here wondering where the asexual vibes are coming from.
I am very, very sexual. Just need the right person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to find a love match, you gotta open your heart to other people's strengths and the things that make them special. Being in a state of contempt for most of the people around you and saying they're "riff raff" who don't have anything going for them is a poisonous mentality that's going to sabotage your attempts to meet people who you want to build relationships with, and to connect with those people when you do. You need to adjust your mindset, not your dating app. You're not going to find love by complaining that you can't afford the quality service with quality people but everyone else in your income bracket is a loser.

You may also need to figure out what keywords you should be using to filter your results (is "do not take care of themselves" code for "420 friendly" or something else?). There's nothing wrong with being a square and the queer dating sites I've been on are full of women who are attractive and have successful careers, don't make drugs a central part of their lives, and aren't part of any countercultures. Having boundaries and standards isn't the same thing as going into dating thinking of most of your peer group as trash.

What I’m saying is that I’m not seeing a lot of my peer group. I’m gainfully employed and really believe in my work and that it is important.
I’ve found there is a difference between occasional users (which I might be were it not for my job clearance requirements) and “420 friendly”
“420 friendly” is usually someone for whom it is a central part of life.

[Anonymous]

Tinder probably worked best for me. Although no long term dating prospects have come out of it for me, there were plenty of other kind of boring, nerdy queers there. There is definitely a square queer/lesbian community in DC but finding them can be a challenge sometimes. I also would recommend joining queer meetup groups for activities you like, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to find a love match, you gotta open your heart to other people's strengths and the things that make them special. Being in a state of contempt for most of the people around you and saying they're "riff raff" who don't have anything going for them is a poisonous mentality that's going to sabotage your attempts to meet people who you want to build relationships with, and to connect with those people when you do. You need to adjust your mindset, not your dating app. You're not going to find love by complaining that you can't afford the quality service with quality people but everyone else in your income bracket is a loser.

You may also need to figure out what keywords you should be using to filter your results (is "do not take care of themselves" code for "420 friendly" or something else?). There's nothing wrong with being a square and the queer dating sites I've been on are full of women who are attractive and have successful careers, don't make drugs a central part of their lives, and aren't part of any countercultures. Having boundaries and standards isn't the same thing as going into dating thinking of most of your peer group as trash.

Op does not need to compromise herself and settle for someone who does not share her values. That's a recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tinder probably worked best for me. Although no long term dating prospects have come out of it for me, there were plenty of other kind of boring, nerdy queers there. There is definitely a square queer/lesbian community in DC but finding them can be a challenge sometimes. I also would recommend joining queer meetup groups for activities you like, etc.

Thanks for this, and actually I have started to join in some meetups etc and although I have not yet found a romantic interest, I feel like I am getting a lot more out of it, and enjoying meeting more people, than I have on the apps.
I get the impression that a lot of people who are on dating apps don’t actually have great social skills and/or aren’t really ready to put themselves out there.
I thought I’d have good luck with an app after I met my last partner on one, but it seems to be shaping up differently this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to find a love match, you gotta open your heart to other people's strengths and the things that make them special. Being in a state of contempt for most of the people around you and saying they're "riff raff" who don't have anything going for them is a poisonous mentality that's going to sabotage your attempts to meet people who you want to build relationships with, and to connect with those people when you do. You need to adjust your mindset, not your dating app. You're not going to find love by complaining that you can't afford the quality service with quality people but everyone else in your income bracket is a loser.

You may also need to figure out what keywords you should be using to filter your results (is "do not take care of themselves" code for "420 friendly" or something else?). There's nothing wrong with being a square and the queer dating sites I've been on are full of women who are attractive and have successful careers, don't make drugs a central part of their lives, and aren't part of any countercultures. Having boundaries and standards isn't the same thing as going into dating thinking of most of your peer group as trash.

What I’m saying is that I’m not seeing a lot of my peer group. I’m gainfully employed and really believe in my work and that it is important.
I’ve found there is a difference between occasional users (which I might be were it not for my job clearance requirements) and “420 friendly”
“420 friendly” is usually someone for whom it is a central part of life.

FWIW, my spouse smokes weed multiple times a day, practically every day. She also hold down a senior level professional job where she makes six figures, arguably does the majority of the parenting (our one child is the same gender as my spouse and they are close), and kicks my ass in the housework department.

Though I don't like the weed and would prefer that my spouse not do it, it definitely doesn't make my spouse "riff raff." If anything, the weed probably makes my spouse *more* high functioning.

[Anonymous]

Since you're older and looking for a partner, not a hookup, I'd suggest one of the more traditional dating sites like eHarmony. Might also try something like Hinge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you're older and looking for a partner, not a hookup, I'd suggest one of the more traditional dating sites like eHarmony. Might also try something like Hinge.

Are there gays on eHarmony? Learn something different every day.

[Anonymous]

I’ve meet some wonderful women on HER. You do have to wade through many randos with their boobs out. Not against boobs but leading with them out is not my vibe.

[Anonymous]

OP and I’m back to tell others that eHarmony was not worth the money. Quality of matches was not terrible, but very few gay women on there, and quite spread out geographically.

I’ve quit the apps for now, since I’ve accepted that I have more post-breakup healing to do before I try dating again.
If I come back, I’m gonna try Bumble.
I met my last on Her. Yeah fine I’ll probably do that one again too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and I’m back to tell others that eHarmony was not worth the money. Quality of matches was not terrible, but very few gay women on there, and quite spread out geographically.

I’ve quit the apps for now, since I’ve accepted that I have more post-breakup healing to do before I try dating again.
If I come back, I’m gonna try Bumble.
I met my last on Her. Yeah fine I’ll probably do that one again too.

Wishing you luck. I'm gay and find all the 420 friendly, ENM, poly, etc etc etc confused identities on the apps a turnoff too.