I don’t see the problem. She’s 8. She doesn’t understand what’s acceptable to say and not say yet. |
The "spectacular", "happy and flourishing" Wooton cluster reference is funny to me. When I was in 8th grade, in gym class outside at Robert Frost, a group of mean girls that I barely knew started taunting me out of boredom. I called one of them a name and she punched me in the face. The puncher and instigator got suspended. I moved away a few months later. 5 years later I ran into someone from Wooton and asked her what happened to the bullies. Here's the punchline. This person told me that the instigator had transferred to Catholic school. And...I was pretty sure she was Jewish. So...that made for some interesting sociological speculation. Back to...the best school depends on the student as well as the school. I'm permanently bitter about my 1.5 years in MCPS in the Wooton Cluster. Those years were the low point of my entire education from K-Master's Degree. I was just not ready to swim with the sharks. |
Op here. I am definitely not going to say slanting to the parents. The mom is not the type to be open to any kind of non positive feedback about her kids anyway. I do think it sucks that this kid is talking about this in a way that is very upsetting to my kid. I am probably taking this a little personally because the dad has told DH part of their reason is getting away from needy sped kids in their class and my son is autistic. We probably just need distance from these people in general. |
+1. You just need distance. When people say that their private is "better" what they actually mean is that their private school's (equally qualified but no smarter than public school) teachers do not have to deal with IEPs or poor kids. Which is it true. They don't. People will never say this is why they went private, but that is the reason. |
Yes. You need distance from them. They are toxic. But also please understand that the educational philosophy trends/legal requirements to mainstream kids with IEPs and various issues, diagnoses, etc. does impact the NT kids. I have bitten my tongue many times in the name of equity, but I actually agree that the non-NT kids are often holding back class progress and the ones with overt behaviors create classroom disruptions that would not have been tolerated in my childhood public schools. I can speak to distinct shortfalls in my kids' learning in certain years because their classes got behind due to class disruptors who could not work at the same pace. And the NT kids do become cynical about the other students and their accommodations. I wish it was a situation of familiarity breeds tolerance but sadly it seems to be contempt instead. I almost never say anything to anybody because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (especially little kids'). But the status quo is quite frustrating. I understand now why people do try to move to the "best" school districts. But I'm still hoping to raise kids who are patient, tolerant, and not snobs. So I continue to wrestle with my snap judgments and hope that the temporary disadvantages my kids experience will somehow be outweighed by being forced to understand the reality of society and humanity instead of being in a more homogenous bubble. |
Op here. I appreciate your perspective but of course I know it impacts the NT kids. His sister is one of them! Thank you for not saying it out loud. |
DP here. While I agree with what you are saying in general, I disagree with the bold. If anything SN parents seek out the "best" public school districts even more than typical parents and higher income kids are more likely to be identified and have maximum services. So this is one area where I feel that "better" school districts bear a disproportionate burden. I say this as a parent and school employee in a "good" school. |
Yep. It is true in a lot of places. The only meaningful difference between our elementary and our feeder middle school is that more black and brown kids from other parts of town go to the middle school. Some people have said openly racist things to me that indicate that’s the reason they leave when middle school hits, others hem and haw and get flustered. And yes, I know there are people who leave public for good reason, but there are a lot who just don’t like the demographics. Let’s be honest. |
In public school, we have large class sizes and have to fight for the attention of the teacher. At our school, the ESOL kids and SpEd kids get grouped together so push in support can be best used. It is a very common complaint from parents in general that their kids are neglected. |
Well, it's the truth. The parents do feel that it's a better education that is worth the money (debatable) and that other parents would do the same if they had the resources (dubious--I haven't been impressed with the DMV Catholic private schools I've seen where I would send my kids for free, let alone pay money for them). Little Larla is just repeating what her parents say/think. |
+1 The math and science instruction at some of these Catholic private schools is very poor. But some people want to be around their "own kind". |
Yep. We live in Fort Hunt and there is this dynamic big time when people hit Carl Sandburg, especially the Waynewood people who are used to a very white school. |
+1. I could see how you and your daughter would be hurt by this…lots to unpack. However, as a parent of three children I can attest that I occasionally say things to my kids thinking they will know not to repeat what I told them (I sometimes say explicitly, “I wouldn’t say this to Larla..”) and then realize after the fact they repeated what I told them. If you call the parents they will probably be mortified. They were probably explaining their reasoning to their daughter and that was the simplest way to explain their reasoning. I doubt it was malicious. This could be an opportunity for you to share with your daughter that people can have different views on things and still be friends. My kids are all in private and have very good friends in public. It’s good for everyone - having friends outside of school can be really beneficial. I would try to nurture the friendship if you like the girl and her family. |
+2 They don't sound like good people. What kind of dad tells their eight-year old that they are doing private school to get away from kids with special needs? That is clearly what they are trying to do, but they should at least recognize how obnoxious that sounds. |
PP. I live in flyover country. The "best" school districts here are actually not known for being good at handling special needs children. When I read about MCPS on this board and what I can remember from being an MCPS area taxpayer, MCPS was a place people would move to to get accommodative services. Here all districts are pretty much "catch as catch can". So given the steep real estate prices in the best districts (Bethesda/Potomac prices) there's no incentive to move there to get SN education. I learned about 2E from this board. I didn't even know that was something that schools could make plans around. We might have just 1 or 2 kids like that in a 500 person K-5 elementary school. |