Other parents know longer keep in touch once your child leaves an activity

[Anonymous]

I think the unique activity being dance changes things a little.

I’m very curious about why you left after 8 years.

I know several competitive cheer teams and it would be really awkward to be friends with one mom on a rival team. I would stress about giving away information about my kids routine or something else that could be relevant in competition. The comfort level would be completely different.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It’s not just the D.C. area though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly it is normal in my experience. I made many mom friends over the years and even when I believed our relationship would survive long-term even if our kids went in different directions, it never did. First there were the baby playgroups, then the preschool parents, then the parents on countless teams. I really tried but by MS reality set in that the other parents are friends for that season of life. It’s made me very hesitant to invest socially beyond pleasantries anymore.

Yes I've learned not to invest too much into friendships here because it's such a transitional area (DMV)

Agree. Story of my life.

+1 I focus my energy on friendships that have been around for decades. Maybe a current one will stick, but it’s unlikely and I’m fine with that. I have my people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it shouldn't matter ... but is there any way your move to a different studio meant you weren't satisfied with the first one? Or you were moving to something better, more prestigious or at a higher level? If they think -you think- you found something better, they don't feel as close to you anymore.

Yes! My daughter was on a competitive team at the first one and had been for years, but wasn’t progressing. She was stuck on one team for years and then was moved down in teams (placed with 8-9 year olds). She was bored and unhappy so I had to find something that was a better fit. The moms know this and were even supportive at the time when I first said I was considering the move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the unique activity being dance changes things a little.

I’m very curious about why you left after 8 years.

I know several competitive cheer teams and it would be really awkward to be friends with one mom on a rival team. I would stress about giving away information about my kids routine or something else that could be relevant in competition. The comfort level would be completely different.

I explain why in a post further down.

[Anonymous]

People have busy lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly it is normal in my experience. I made many mom friends over the years and even when I believed our relationship would survive long-term even if our kids went in different directions, it never did. First there were the baby playgroups, then the preschool parents, then the parents on countless teams. I really tried but by MS reality set in that the other parents are friends for that season of life. It’s made me very hesitant to invest socially beyond pleasantries anymore.

Yes I've learned not to invest too much into friendships here because it's such a transitional area (DMV)

I'm not in the DMV now and it's like this here too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the unique activity being dance changes things a little.

I’m very curious about why you left after 8 years.

I know several competitive cheer teams and it would be really awkward to be friends with one mom on a rival team. I would stress about giving away information about my kids routine or something else that could be relevant in competition. The comfort level would be completely different.

This sounds insane.

[Anonymous]

I met some of my closest friends through the neighborhood and our kids aren't even friends anymore. Sometimes, you stay friends and other times you don't. We have also lost friends due to a situation similar to yours.

At a middle school, I didn't make one adult friend that lasted. No one was friendly to start with so I went with it and just focused on the kids. We were new to the school. Others had been there a decade so we were outsiders.

It's all normal, OP. Whatever happens.

[Anonymous]

It's normal for these friendships to fade but I'm surprised it was so abrupt/immediate - not even responding to texts.

The dance context you describe might be part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is common. Lots of mom friends are situational, based on the school or the activity. Same with neighborhood friends. It doesn't mean you can't create deep, long-lasting friendships with people you meet through your kids, but it's rare.

This. Often a move, change of schools or change of activity is an endpoint. Sorry, OP. Hope the moms at the new studio are nice.

I said this on a different DCUM forum where someone was asking about this in the context of child/teen relationships. This happens a lot. I don’t think from what you’ve written it’s personal…It may just be life is very busy and your proximity changing makes the friendship too hard to sustain. I’ve been on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have busy lives.

Now that in itself is a whole other topic.

[Anonymous]

You left them.

Also, you were likely incredibly foolish to change schools. There is a studio hopper stigma for very good reason. You are probably the problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it shouldn't matter ... but is there any way your move to a different studio meant you weren't satisfied with the first one? Or you were moving to something better, more prestigious or at a higher level? If they think -you think- you found something better, they don't feel as close to you anymore.

Yes! My daughter was on a competitive team at the first one and had been for years, but wasn’t progressing. She was stuck on one team for years and then was moved down in teams (placed with 8-9 year olds). She was bored and unhappy so I had to find something that was a better fit. The moms know this and were even supportive at the time when I first said I was considering the move.

Yeah, this is definitely a you problem. The studio made an assessment and made placements and you were that mom. Dumb, dumb, dumb, rookie dance mom mistake. It's you. Make new friends and move on with a clean slate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it shouldn't matter ... but is there any way your move to a different studio meant you weren't satisfied with the first one? Or you were moving to something better, more prestigious or at a higher level? If they think -you think- you found something better, they don't feel as close to you anymore.

Yes! My daughter was on a competitive team at the first one and had been for years, but wasn’t progressing. She was stuck on one team for years and then was moved down in teams (placed with 8-9 year olds). She was bored and unhappy so I had to find something that was a better fit. The moms know this and were even supportive at the time when I first said I was considering the move.

Yeah, this is definitely a you problem. The studio made an assessment and made placements and you were that mom. Dumb, dumb, dumb, rookie dance mom mistake. It's you. Make new friends and move on with a clean slate.

(NP)