Au pair on her phone all. the. time

[Anonymous]

Our very new au pair is on her cellphone constantly. I know this because the messaging app she uses shows if she is online or when she was last seen. She is always online or last seen within the last 5min or so. She also takes a ton of pictures of the kids, of herself, of our dog (this selfie generation makes me nuts). It's really bizarre.

We already told her that she is not to be on her phone during working hours, and i even wrote it down as part of our "household rules" sheet that I give my au pairs, and said she understood. But clearly she can't stop. She is sweet and good with the kids and seems responsible otherwise, so I cannot figure out why she is so addicted to her phone. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

cell phone addiction is not uncommon. I state in our handbook that AP cannot use phone during work hours, unless HP is trying to reach her (distinct ring tone), and if AP is a repeat offender, rematch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:cell phone addiction is not uncommon. I state in our handbook that AP cannot use phone during work hours, unless HP is trying to reach her (distinct ring tone), and if AP is a repeat offender, rematch.

Ok thanks. How many warnings do I give her? Also, do I let her occasionally talk to her parents during working hours for no more than a few minutes since there is a 6 hour time difference? Or do I tell her absolutely no talking to anyone overseas during working hours unless emergency?

[Anonymous]

A family I know had this issue. They ended up getting a prepaid flip phone and had her lock her smart phone in her room during the day and carry the prepaid phone for checking in with the parents. The AP just couldn’t stop herself when she had her smartphone. She would get better for a few days and then start sliding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A family I know had this issue. They ended up getting a prepaid flip phone and had her lock her smart phone in her room during the day and carry the prepaid phone for checking in with the parents. The AP just couldn’t stop herself when she had her smartphone. She would get better for a few days and then start sliding.

And here I thought I was being helpful by getting her an iphone so she could communicate more with me. The best laid plans, and such.

It's hard because she's actually very good with my kids, and absolutely engages with them. She just can't lose her extra appendage. I've had nannies who were not on their phones but were terrible in a million ways, but this is not acceptable either.

[Anonymous]

I think you should maybe not be too worried about this. I am guilty of looking at my phone way too often myself, so hesitate to villanize her for it.

How about you authorize 10 minutes an hour and tell her she has to put her phone on silent (no vibrate/no ring)?

I know others on this board will think I am suggesting something too lienent, but if you really like her you may want to try to find a way to live with this - I think its VERY common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should maybe not be too worried about this. I am guilty of looking at my phone way too often myself, so hesitate to villanize her for it.

How about you authorize 10 minutes an hour and tell her she has to put her phone on silent (no vibrate/no ring)?

I know others on this board will think I am suggesting something too lienent, but if you really like her you may want to try to find a way to live with this - I think its VERY common.

Thanks for another perspective. And i'm with you - my husband is guilty of this too. My main concern is safety - she even does this when out at the park and that is 100% unacceptable and we will make that clear. Second concern is engagement with the kids (She does a lot, but the phone is very distracting - for me and my husband too). Third is proper modeling for the kids - if they see you on your phone all the time, they think it's appropriate. Occasional checking at home i'm fine with. I don't think she can set boundaries though.

I know her generation struggles with this. I sound like a crotchety old person but I honestly despise social media in all forms at this point for many reasons.

[Anonymous]

This is a generation thing. The AP generation is phone and electronic centric. My au pairs have a phone, an iPad, a computer, dreaded, etc... all the stuff.

It's going to be hard to get her off it all the time.

I provide a phone and my au pair doesn't use it. She uses her phone from home and only uses my provided phone as a hotspot or to call occasionally. It's frustrating. Why am I providing one?....

I have a Disney Circle at home for my kids and they are older, so I don't care as much as when my kids were younger and needed tighter supervision, but she is still on it constantly. If I needed her to cool it, I could control her access via the Circle, but they have ways around it (hotspots, vpn, etc). God knows, my son has tried.

If it bothers you, have a sit down and discuss appropriate use and timing. If she doesn't follow it or slips, have one more convo...then bring in LCC. MAKE SURE she knows you are serious. But I guarantee that she will still use it or will go around it. Sneak it.

In 9 au pairs, I have yet to have one not addicted to tech/phones/texting.

Just don't tell her how you know, or she will turnoff her last seen status, and that is invaluable.

[Anonymous]

Grrr.., pp here

Autocorrect

dreaded = ereader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a generation thing. The AP generation is phone and electronic centric. My au pairs have a phone, an iPad, a computer, dreaded, etc... all the stuff.

It's going to be hard to get her off it all the time.

I provide a phone and my au pair doesn't use it. She uses her phone from home and only uses my provided phone as a hotspot or to call occasionally. It's frustrating. Why am I providing one?....

I have a Disney Circle at home for my kids and they are older, so I don't care as much as when my kids were younger and needed tighter supervision, but she is still on it constantly. If I needed her to cool it, I could control her access via the Circle, but they have ways around it (hotspots, vpn, etc). God knows, my son has tried.

If it bothers you, have a sit down and discuss appropriate use and timing. If she doesn't follow it or slips, have one more convo...then bring in LCC. MAKE SURE she knows you are serious. But I guarantee that she will still use it or will go around it. Sneak it.

In 9 au pairs, I have yet to have one not addicted to tech/phones/texting.

Just don't tell her how you know, or she will turnoff her last seen status, and that is invaluable.

I didn't know she could turn that off!!! Yikes, thanks for the heads up. Thank you also for telling me your experience. We will have another conversation with her that our rules are no phones when on duty, and hope that helps. If not, then we bring in the local coordinator. I'm hoping that some of this is that she has only been here a very short time and her entire social circle is back home and she's still adjusting to being without them. I know she will always use her phone, but it needs to be much less than now.

Thanks again for the replies everyone...

[Anonymous]

I don't allow cell phone use unless for emergencies or to get in touch with parents, or if my kids are asleep at night. Otherwise, I don't see the reason to enable AP to have poor work habits and indulge in her addiction to her phone over engagement and attention on child care, especially if the kids are young and need a watchful eye at all times. If you allow cellphone use and she's glued to the phone while your child touches a hot stove, or crosses the street without looking, you will regret your leniency. And if your child is old enough to report back to you that AP spends a lot of time on her phone while ignoring your child, etc, you will also wonder why you have an AP.
Tell your AP to wake up ten minutes earlier to talk with family, before her work shift starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Tell your AP to wake up ten minutes earlier to talk with family, before her work shift starts.

Are You stay in a house parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:cell phone addiction is not uncommon. I state in our handbook that AP cannot use phone during work hours, unless HP is trying to reach her (distinct ring tone), and if AP is a repeat offender, rematch.

Ok thanks. How many warnings do I give her? Also, do I let her occasionally talk to her parents during working hours for no more than a few minutes since there is a 6 hour time difference? Or do I tell her absolutely no talking to anyone overseas during working hours unless emergency?

I have had 8 French Au Pairs, all within 6hrs of their families. No, when they are working they are NOT speaking with friends and family. I realize it's 6hrs difference, but let's put this in perspective... how often does she need to speak with her parents? Can't it wait until her day off? What could be so important that it has to be discussed today? If so, can't she get up early to speak with them? Or at the end of her shift (if she is working all day, she is likely done by 5-6PM- not impossible to arrange a call with family if you really need to talk).

Let's put this back in perspective... not that long ago, au pairs moved to the USA, had to buy a calling card and would send hand written letters to their parents. Asking her to call her parents during her personal time is not barbaric. All of us working probably don't call our parents from our work desk either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:cell phone addiction is not uncommon. I state in our handbook that AP cannot use phone during work hours, unless HP is trying to reach her (distinct ring tone), and if AP is a repeat offender, rematch.

Ok thanks. How many warnings do I give her? Also, do I let her occasionally talk to her parents during working hours for no more than a few minutes since there is a 6 hour time difference? Or do I tell her absolutely no talking to anyone overseas during working hours unless emergency?

I have had 8 French Au Pairs, all within 6hrs of their families. No, when they are working they are NOT speaking with friends and family. I realize it's 6hrs difference, but let's put this in perspective... how often does she need to speak with her parents? Can't it wait until her day off? What could be so important that it has to be discussed today? If so, can't she get up early to speak with them? Or at the end of her shift (if she is working all day, she is likely done by 5-6PM- not impossible to arrange a call with family if you really need to talk).

Let's put this back in perspective... not that long ago, au pairs moved to the USA, had to buy a calling card and would send hand written letters to their parents. Asking her to call her parents during her personal time is not barbaric. All of us working probably don't call our parents from our work desk either.

You aren’t in a foreign country, living with strangers, taking care of kids on your own for the first time in your life. You aren’t a late teen to early 20-something who hasn’t cut the apron strings completely. You’re likely past the “friends are more important than family” phase and “clubbing til 3am is so cool, we’ll now I’m hungover and venting” stage.

Depending on shift, it can be difficult to schedule a call, but I agree it isn’t impossible. My issue was solely with you comparing your lack of calling friends or family during work to an AP’s desire to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:cell phone addiction is not uncommon. I state in our handbook that AP cannot use phone during work hours, unless HP is trying to reach her (distinct ring tone), and if AP is a repeat offender, rematch.

Ok thanks. How many warnings do I give her? Also, do I let her occasionally talk to her parents during working hours for no more than a few minutes since there is a 6 hour time difference? Or do I tell her absolutely no talking to anyone overseas during working hours unless emergency?

I have had 8 French Au Pairs, all within 6hrs of their families. No, when they are working they are NOT speaking with friends and family. I realize it's 6hrs difference, but let's put this in perspective... how often does she need to speak with her parents? Can't it wait until her day off? What could be so important that it has to be discussed today? If so, can't she get up early to speak with them? Or at the end of her shift (if she is working all day, she is likely done by 5-6PM- not impossible to arrange a call with family if you really need to talk).

Let's put this back in perspective... not that long ago, au pairs moved to the USA, had to buy a calling card and would send hand written letters to their parents. Asking her to call her parents during her personal time is not barbaric. All of us working probably don't call our parents from our work desk either.

You aren’t in a foreign country, living with strangers, taking care of kids on your own for the first time in your life. You aren’t a late teen to early 20-something who hasn’t cut the apron strings completely. You’re likely past the “friends are more important than family” phase and “clubbing til 3am is so cool, we’ll now I’m hungover and venting” stage.

Depending on shift, it can be difficult to schedule a call, but I agree it isn’t impossible. My issue was solely with you comparing your lack of calling friends or family during work to an AP’s desire to do so.

While I completely agree with you, au pairs were able to do this for decades until now. I think we set the bar pretty too low and make excuses for these so called needs.