Spending Mother's Day with MIL- WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mother’s Day is a completely made up holiday, with crowded lunches and lots of drama from people like you who make such a big deal.

People are coming in from out of towns, I’m sure some of them are mothers too. Spend as much time as possible with people you don’t see that often, it’s family. You can relax next weekend, have your husband spoil you for being such a trooper on Mother’s Day. Lol

Yeah, I’m sure a husband who signs her up to cook and clean for his family event and refuses to show even a once of appreciation is going to do anything for her next weekend (or any other weekend.) Read the room.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you just tell MIL you and your nuclear family won’t be attending because it’s Mother’s Day and you’ve already made plans to spend it with your husband and kids? Personally, I would love if the husband took the kids out and I had time alone—get a massage, go to a movie, eat whatever I wanted, organize the closets or whatever I felt like doing. But, it sounds like you have a different idea, which is fine, but you need to use your words and communicate them.

Tell MIL you’ve been looking forward all year to spending the day with your nuclear family and after hosting the party you really need that down time so please plan accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you just tell MIL you and your nuclear family won’t be attending because it’s Mother’s Day and you’ve already made plans to spend it with your husband and kids? Personally, I would love if the husband took the kids out and I had time alone—get a massage, go to a movie, eat whatever I wanted, organize the closets or whatever I felt like doing. But, it sounds like you have a different idea, which is fine, but you need to use your words and communicate them.

Tell MIL you’ve been looking forward all year to spending the day with your nuclear family and after hosting the party you really need that down time so please plan accordingly.

Why doesn’t her husband handle it?

[Anonymous]

Nope. She gets one event, not two. You get your kids for Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mother's Day is honestly going to remain a downer if your expectation is that it is just for you. You aren't the only mother in this scenario, right? We can get this idea once we have a kid that it will be all for you, but no, you will still be the one hosting it for or at least sharing it with everyone else for a long time to come.

I think if you can change your mindset, that this year you are celebrating motherhood with all the mothers in your life, you might get more enjoyment out of it (cause you are probably going to have to go).

No this is ridiculous! Mother’s Day is not grandma’s day! What is with these boomers digging their nasty claws into Mother’s Day? I’m GenX and I would never expect my adult kids to cater to me on Mothers Day especially if they have young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you just tell MIL you and your nuclear family won’t be attending because it’s Mother’s Day and you’ve already made plans to spend it with your husband and kids? Personally, I would love if the husband took the kids out and I had time alone—get a massage, go to a movie, eat whatever I wanted, organize the closets or whatever I felt like doing. But, it sounds like you have a different idea, which is fine, but you need to use your words and communicate them.

Tell MIL you’ve been looking forward all year to spending the day with your nuclear family and after hosting the party you really need that down time so please plan accordingly.

She has already responded to this question many times. She can’t tell her MIL no because her husband said he’s going and taking their kids no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you just tell MIL you and your nuclear family won’t be attending because it’s Mother’s Day and you’ve already made plans to spend it with your husband and kids? Personally, I would love if the husband took the kids out and I had time alone—get a massage, go to a movie, eat whatever I wanted, organize the closets or whatever I felt like doing. But, it sounds like you have a different idea, which is fine, but you need to use your words and communicate them.

Tell MIL you’ve been looking forward all year to spending the day with your nuclear family and after hosting the party you really need that down time so please plan accordingly.

She has already responded to this question many times. She can’t tell her MIL no because her husband said he’s going and taking their kids no matter what.

No OP said her husband told her he wanted to go. My guess is because it gives him a free pass not to do anything for Mothers Day. OP you can be firm with your husband and tell him no way. You’ll be beat after dealing with HIS family the day before and you were serious when you wanted a quiet Mother’s Day with just him and the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you just tell MIL you and your nuclear family won’t be attending because it’s Mother’s Day and you’ve already made plans to spend it with your husband and kids? Personally, I would love if the husband took the kids out and I had time alone—get a massage, go to a movie, eat whatever I wanted, organize the closets or whatever I felt like doing. But, it sounds like you have a different idea, which is fine, but you need to use your words and communicate them.

Tell MIL you’ve been looking forward all year to spending the day with your nuclear family and after hosting the party you really need that down time so please plan accordingly.

Why doesn’t her husband handle it?

Because he's not the one who cares so deeply about this. Sure, ideally he should, but it's unlikely he will, so if it's important to OP then she needs to use her grown up words.

[Anonymous]

I spent the first 10 years of my kids lives going to MIL for Mother's Day. My own mom is 3000 miles away. Then I put my foot down: I am spending the day with the kids on Mother's Day. DH can go celebrate his mom on that day, without me and the kids. Now, I take the kids the night before Mother's Day to a nice hotel, and the next day we have brunch and do a hike or something fun. For Father's Day, DH gets to decide what he wants to do - we can spend it as a family or he can go to see his dad with or without the kids, or split the day. This works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mother's Day is honestly going to remain a downer if your expectation is that it is just for you. You aren't the only mother in this scenario, right? We can get this idea once we have a kid that it will be all for you, but no, you will still be the one hosting it for or at least sharing it with everyone else for a long time to come.

I think if you can change your mindset, that this year you are celebrating motherhood with all the mothers in your life, you might get more enjoyment out of it (cause you are probably going to have to go).

No this is ridiculous! Mother’s Day is not grandma’s day! What is with these boomers digging their nasty claws into Mother’s Day? I’m GenX and I would never expect my adult kids to cater to me on Mothers Day especially if they have young kids.

Are your parents not boomers? This isn’t a generational problem. Nasty claws? Wtf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you just tell MIL you and your nuclear family won’t be attending because it’s Mother’s Day and you’ve already made plans to spend it with your husband and kids? Personally, I would love if the husband took the kids out and I had time alone—get a massage, go to a movie, eat whatever I wanted, organize the closets or whatever I felt like doing. But, it sounds like you have a different idea, which is fine, but you need to use your words and communicate them.

Tell MIL you’ve been looking forward all year to spending the day with your nuclear family and after hosting the party you really need that down time so please plan accordingly.

She has already responded to this question many times. She can’t tell her MIL no because her husband said he’s going and taking their kids no matter what.

Sounds like a win/win. OP wants to relax so she can do that while husband takes the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got roped into co-hosting a baby shower with my MIL for her niece- the day before Mother's Day- at my house. 50 people, mostly family coming in from out of town. She originally asked me to have the party on Mother's Day, but I gave a hard "no" because I want to enjoy Mother's Day relaxing...

... With the commute & lunch, it will be 5 hours out of the day to go to this lunch. So it will not be quick.

DH wants to spend mother's day with his mom/grandma/aunts. I feel stuck because either 1) I go to this lunch for day 3 in a row with his family for 5 hours and be miserable ...

What would you do?

What's the commute? I thought from the first part you were the shower site because you have the space and live near MIL, future grandma etc. If all those shower host/helpers are 1-1.5 hours away one way then why your house? Ability to hold 50 even if it rains? Where does the pregnant one live? Or is this a fly in for her to mothers day and a family shower?

Brunch at a restauarant or a relatives home? 30 minutes or less away pop in for 30 minutes- 2 hours max of your day.

My PP is last quoted. Still confused on why OP house for the 50 person shower for MIL niece/DH cousin. and who's paying for it? That is so huge - chair/table rentals, massive food , serving tables, beverages, refrigerator take over...maybe over $3500 excluding a tent for rain. Moving furniture inside to fit tables?

Mother's Day is 4 weeks away and MIL invited OP's parents to the brunch. OP parent/s also invited to shower? That shower needs to go to a venue or another residence. Curious if OP knew the 50 people guest count before consenting to let them host it at her house.

[Anonymous]

Where are OP's parents? Would they like to sit this one out? OP could leave for a hotel after the shower guests go home, and her spouse could take the kids to Grandma's for lunch.

OP, I hope you're making sure your MIL and DH are doing all the work for the shower.

[Anonymous]

Your DH needs to stay home w/ you and the kids. He can celebrate his mother's "day" on another weekend. You deserve a break and peace and he needs to put YOU first.

[Anonymous]

Hosting 20 in the home is hard, much less 50. I’m “hosting” a graduation event for 14 at a local restaurant. I’m not sure any of this makes sense to me…