Step parents and wills

[Anonymous]

I have a parent who remarried and I have two stepsiblings. thre are significant family assets on all sides (eg my step siblings have a wealthy side of the family on their nonbio side) and my other parent has assets.

My remarried parent and his spouse have assets in the tens of millions. I think they have done it right because they felt they could share their will with all of the family while still healthy. It is fair.

The will stipulates that when one spouse dies, remaining assets go into a trust that is then distributed among the children after the remaining spouse's death.

I don't expect to inherit much and am launched and happy I am fine if I never do. But what is important is that everyone is happy with this arrangement. Incidentally, my estranged stepsister who ignores her mother is treated equally. I have no opinion whatsover about this.

OP, I'd encourage you to get an experienced estate attorney and honestly to get the opinion of multiple about your options and what is deemed fair. In general, I would expect that if this is truly your parents' money and it has never been touched and hasn't affected your lifestyle that it would be your descendants' and not yur DH's descendants. But I am not an attorney. You should create an arrangement that you and your DH are both ok with now and can live your life honestly about.

that said, it will depend largely on how your life has gone. If you have raised these step children as your own from toddlerhood they will see things differently than if you and your DH married two years ago and the stepsibling is grown and close with their other family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP is talking about how to distribute her own inherited money that she has. She seems to be saying that her money with dh will be split between all kids but wants her own inheritance to go to her own kids, since the step can inherit from their families.

I think that's fair. I am firm that my money is going to my kids. I am not remarrying or having more kids, this reason being a factor (plus I'm really happy being divorced). Step dc has their own father, mother and grandparents.

then it would be fair for bio dad to leave less to OP’s kids and more to the step to make sure they have equal inheritances.

Yeah I do wonder how OP’s DH feels about his only kid getting kids 1/4 of the marital assets.

I'm reading it as the three kids are shared by OP and her DH. Stepchild is from the same DH from a previous marriage. So the marital assets are still being given equally to all of HIS kids. Its the money from her side of the family that OP is asking about.

OP, I think splitting the marital assets four ways and your family's inheritance among your three kids is fine. It sounds like you want to include your stepchild, which is very kind, and I think anything that you leave is fine. Maybe 10% to step and 30% each to your three kids? But it really depends on how much money you are talking about.

How is that fine from the dad’s perspective? His oldest child gets a significantly smaller inheritance. The idea that the biomom or grandparents will equalize things is completely speculative. If I was the dad I would not agree to this. If my wife insisted I would buy an additional life insurance policy at a minimum for the oldest child. It also depends on the amount of money we’re talking about. If the oldest child wouldn’t even get enough for college that would be unfortunate.

Given OP’s attitude, I hope that her DH writes a will that guarantees some money goes directly to his oldest if he dies first. Otherwise we all know what’s happening to it …

[Anonymous]

God being an ACOD really never stops being a pain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a parent who remarried and I have two stepsiblings. thre are significant family assets on all sides (eg my step siblings have a wealthy side of the family on their nonbio side) and my other parent has assets.

My remarried parent and his spouse have assets in the tens of millions. I think they have done it right because they felt they could share their will with all of the family while still healthy. It is fair.

The will stipulates that when one spouse dies, remaining assets go into a trust that is then distributed among the children after the remaining spouse's death.

I don't expect to inherit much and am launched and happy I am fine if I never do. But what is important is that everyone is happy with this arrangement. Incidentally, my estranged stepsister who ignores her mother is treated equally. I have no opinion whatsover about this.

OP, I'd encourage you to get an experienced estate attorney and honestly to get the opinion of multiple about your options and what is deemed fair. In general, I would expect that if this is truly your parents' money and it has never been touched and hasn't affected your lifestyle that it would be your descendants' and not yur DH's descendants. But I am not an attorney. You should create an arrangement that you and your DH are both ok with now and can live your life honestly about.

that said, it will depend largely on how your life has gone. If you have raised these step children as your own from toddlerhood they will see things differently than if you and your DH married two years ago and the stepsibling is grown and close with their other family.

It’s not so much OP’s step kid not getting “her” money, but also the insistence that her DH also agree to splitting the joint assets equally. Win-win for her kids, lose-lose for the step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simple example:
Mom inherents $3 million
3 shared kids get $1 million each
Step kid $0

Joint assets: $4 million

What you are proposing;
3 shared get $2 million each
Step gets $1 million

What IMO should be done:
3 shared gets $1.75 million
Step gets $1.75 million

So step actually receives less than half of Dad's share but the kids get equal inheritance without touching the Mom's parents money or "her" shared money.

Why would step kid get her inheritance from her bio family!?!

You’re missing the point. OP’s step child gets a larger share of the joint assets to equalize the inheritance for all 4 kids.

Yeah no. Unless this stepkid’s mother and maternal grandparents are all going to pool and equalize inheritances with OPs children with whom they share no relation then why should OP take her family’s money and give it to this child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a parent who remarried and I have two stepsiblings. thre are significant family assets on all sides (eg my step siblings have a wealthy side of the family on their nonbio side) and my other parent has assets.

My remarried parent and his spouse have assets in the tens of millions. I think they have done it right because they felt they could share their will with all of the family while still healthy. It is fair.

The will stipulates that when one spouse dies, remaining assets go into a trust that is then distributed among the children after the remaining spouse's death.

I don't expect to inherit much and am launched and happy I am fine if I never do. But what is important is that everyone is happy with this arrangement. Incidentally, my estranged stepsister who ignores her mother is treated equally. I have no opinion whatsover about this.

OP, I'd encourage you to get an experienced estate attorney and honestly to get the opinion of multiple about your options and what is deemed fair. In general, I would expect that if this is truly your parents' money and it has never been touched and hasn't affected your lifestyle that it would be your descendants' and not yur DH's descendants. But I am not an attorney. You should create an arrangement that you and your DH are both ok with now and can live your life honestly about.

that said, it will depend largely on how your life has gone. If you have raised these step children as your own from toddlerhood they will see things differently than if you and your DH married two years ago and the stepsibling is grown and close with their other family.

It’s not so much OP’s step kid not getting “her” money, but also the insistence that her DH also agree to splitting the joint assets equally. Win-win for her kids, lose-lose for the step.

There is no way I'd agree to my husband's kids getting my inheritance money. (luckily it's a non-issue in our home). His kids have two parents who can decide what they inherit, but that is not my responsibility and I didn't raise them. My responsibility is to look after my kids and grandkids and they are 100% my responsibility (if I felt that way about the step-kids and grandkids that might be different). Each set of kids has two different set of parents and they inherit from those parents if those parents have anything to give and choose to give it to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP is talking about how to distribute her own inherited money that she has. She seems to be saying that her money with dh will be split between all kids but wants her own inheritance to go to her own kids, since the step can inherit from their families.

I think that's fair. I am firm that my money is going to my kids. I am not remarrying or having more kids, this reason being a factor (plus I'm really happy being divorced). Step dc has their own father, mother and grandparents.

then it would be fair for bio dad to leave less to OP’s kids and more to the step to make sure they have equal inheritances.

Yeah I do wonder how OP’s DH feels about his only kid getting kids 1/4 of the marital assets.

I'm reading it as the three kids are shared by OP and her DH. Stepchild is from the same DH from a previous marriage. So the marital assets are still being given equally to all of HIS kids. Its the money from her side of the family that OP is asking about.

OP, I think splitting the marital assets four ways and your family's inheritance among your three kids is fine. It sounds like you want to include your stepchild, which is very kind, and I think anything that you leave is fine. Maybe 10% to step and 30% each to your three kids? But it really depends on how much money you are talking about.

How is that fine from the dad’s perspective? His oldest child gets a significantly smaller inheritance. The idea that the biomom or grandparents will equalize things is completely speculative. If I was the dad I would not agree to this. If my wife insisted I would buy an additional life insurance policy at a minimum for the oldest child. It also depends on the amount of money we’re talking about. If the oldest child wouldn’t even get enough for college that would be unfortunate.

Given OP’s attitude, I hope that her DH writes a will that guarantees some money goes directly to his oldest if he dies first. Otherwise we all know what’s happening to it …

His oldest kids will inherit from mom and her relatives. That mom and relatives are not making it equal with OP kids. Things in life aren't equal. That's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom married my stepdad when I was 4. I never felt treated differently from my half siblings. However, my mom recently told me that when she and my stepdad pass away, I will get half of what my siblings get because that is what is « fair ». I always tell her that it’s their money and they can leave it however they want but it really hurts to know that I am not considered a full child of my stepdad after being his child for nearly 50 years. I really don’t care about the money and kind of wish there was no money because the thought of dealing with this after they die is depressing. Oh, and as the oldest child, I am to be the executor!

Dang. I think I would turn down being the executor. Why do they consider the split fair?

Split the estate 50/50 between the husband and wife. Then only his kids inherit from his half and all the kids inherit her/their moms half, including this kid so she’s not getting a portion from both of these people only her mom here. Some people do it this way.

She’ll have to chase her biological dad down for whatever she’s entitled to from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP is talking about how to distribute her own inherited money that she has. She seems to be saying that her money with dh will be split between all kids but wants her own inheritance to go to her own kids, since the step can inherit from their families.

I think that's fair. I am firm that my money is going to my kids. I am not remarrying or having more kids, this reason being a factor (plus I'm really happy being divorced). Step dc has their own father, mother and grandparents.

then it would be fair for bio dad to leave less to OP’s kids and more to the step to make sure they have equal inheritances.

Yeah I do wonder how OP’s DH feels about his only kid getting kids 1/4 of the marital assets.

All 4 of the children are his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I am fully going to split the money that I have with my DH with all the dcs evenly. This is not even up for discussion. I'm talking about my own inheritance from my family that I was going to pass to my bio children and give some amount to my step dc. I never meant that I would withhold any money from our joint/ marriage money. It's the inheritance that I'm wondering about.

It's interesting to read everyone's thoughts though and I appreciate them!

The step should get more of your DH’s money since you can take care of your own kids, then.

The step has their own other parent and grandparents to inherit from.

So do OP’s children …

That's not right unless OP was also married. The step parent in this case only has bio kids and the step from her dh's marriage.

OP’s children are inheriting family wealth from their own grandparents and both biological parents, as well as stepparent potentially. Exactly like OP’s stepchild.

It sounded to me like OPs 3 children are by her husband and that her husband had a daughter from a prior relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP is talking about how to distribute her own inherited money that she has. She seems to be saying that her money with dh will be split between all kids but wants her own inheritance to go to her own kids, since the step can inherit from their families.

I think that's fair. I am firm that my money is going to my kids. I am not remarrying or having more kids, this reason being a factor (plus I'm really happy being divorced). Step dc has their own father, mother and grandparents.

then it would be fair for bio dad to leave less to OP’s kids and more to the step to make sure they have equal inheritances.

Yeah I do wonder how OP’s DH feels about his only kid getting kids 1/4 of the marital assets.

I'm reading it as the three kids are shared by OP and her DH. Stepchild is from the same DH from a previous marriage. So the marital assets are still being given equally to all of HIS kids. Its the money from her side of the family that OP is asking about.

OP, I think splitting the marital assets four ways and your family's inheritance among your three kids is fine. It sounds like you want to include your stepchild, which is very kind, and I think anything that you leave is fine. Maybe 10% to step and 30% each to your three kids? But it really depends on how much money you are talking about.

How is that fine from the dad’s perspective? His oldest child gets a significantly smaller inheritance. The idea that the biomom or grandparents will equalize things is completely speculative. If I was the dad I would not agree to this. If my wife insisted I would buy an additional life insurance policy at a minimum for the oldest child. It also depends on the amount of money we’re talking about. If the oldest child wouldn’t even get enough for college that would be unfortunate.

Given OP’s attitude, I hope that her DH writes a will that guarantees some money goes directly to his oldest if he dies first. Otherwise we all know what’s happening to it …

His oldest kids will inherit from mom and her relatives. That mom and relatives are not making it equal with OP kids. Things in life aren't equal. That's ok.

What you’re missing is that Stepmother wants to pressure her husband to exacerbate the inequality by leaving Stepchild with a smaller overall inheritance. Her husband may very well not agree to that. If the 3 joint kids are taken care of fully by OP’s family money, then her husband may reasonably want to give a larger share of the joint assets to the biological child. At a minimum it would be fair for all of his pre-second-marriage assets to the oldest child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP is talking about how to distribute her own inherited money that she has. She seems to be saying that her money with dh will be split between all kids but wants her own inheritance to go to her own kids, since the step can inherit from their families.

I think that's fair. I am firm that my money is going to my kids. I am not remarrying or having more kids, this reason being a factor (plus I'm really happy being divorced). Step dc has their own father, mother and grandparents.

then it would be fair for bio dad to leave less to OP’s kids and more to the step to make sure they have equal inheritances.

Yeah I do wonder how OP’s DH feels about his only kid getting kids 1/4 of the marital assets.

I'm reading it as the three kids are shared by OP and her DH. Stepchild is from the same DH from a previous marriage. So the marital assets are still being given equally to all of HIS kids. Its the money from her side of the family that OP is asking about.

OP, I think splitting the marital assets four ways and your family's inheritance among your three kids is fine. It sounds like you want to include your stepchild, which is very kind, and I think anything that you leave is fine. Maybe 10% to step and 30% each to your three kids? But it really depends on how much money you are talking about.

How is that fine from the dad’s perspective? His oldest child gets a significantly smaller inheritance. The idea that the biomom or grandparents will equalize things is completely speculative. If I was the dad I would not agree to this. If my wife insisted I would buy an additional life insurance policy at a minimum for the oldest child. It also depends on the amount of money we’re talking about. If the oldest child wouldn’t even get enough for college that would be unfortunate.

Given OP’s attitude, I hope that her DH writes a will that guarantees some money goes directly to his oldest if he dies first. Otherwise we all know what’s happening to it …

His oldest kids will inherit from mom and her relatives. That mom and relatives are not making it equal with OP kids. Things in life aren't equal. That's ok.

What you’re missing is that Stepmother wants to pressure her husband to exacerbate the inequality by leaving Stepchild with a smaller overall inheritance. Her husband may very well not agree to that. If the 3 joint kids are taken care of fully by OP’s family money, then her husband may reasonably want to give a larger share of the joint assets to the biological child. At a minimum it would be fair for all of his pre-second-marriage assets to the oldest child.

That's one approach but without knowing the various inheritance amounts possible for each child, it's tough to say.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the responses. The step dc gets the same amount as the other three dcs. Then the step dc also gets whatever amount from the bio moms side. The three dcs get a split from the step mom’s side. We have no idea what the amounts are. Does it change anything if the mom is super wealthy and the step dc ends up with more money than the other dcs? It’s so silly!

Split the bio money evenly with any kids. The step money on either side can go to the bio kids of the step parents. Done!

[Anonymous]

I know very fee would agree with me but I only feel responsible for my bio kid.
I would maybe leave a token gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous
I know very fee would agree with me but I only feel responsible for my bio kid.
I would maybe leave a token gift

I think each situation is distinct. I have a stepchild whose parent (spouse’s ex) has a much greater net worth (by a factor of 10?) than we do. Stepchild is only and will inherit it all. Their siblings (my kids) get all my money and dh is splitting his evenly …