applying to private school for high school but worried about one recommendation

[Anonymous]

My DD, who is in 8th grade, is supposed to ask certain teachers to submit letters of recommendation to apply to a private school for high school. She has one teacher who she really does not get along with and she is very upset that she has to ask him for a letter. Do you think she might be allowed to submit a letter from her teacher from last year in that subject? Should I talk with the admissions office and explain the situation? Or will this just alert them to the fact that my daughter has a teacher who dislikes her a lot and make her seem like not a good candidate?

[Anonymous]

It would sound bad. She can't avoid 8th grade's teacher is his subject is English or Math.

[Anonymous]

I think that she will need to submit the letters as requested. Perhaps though she could supplement with an additional letter from last year's teacher? Also you could alert the principal of the current school of your concerns and ask him/her for an opinion …

Good luck. Sorry that your daughter is in such a tough spot. This process is so hard!

[Anonymous]

Is she in a K-8?

[Anonymous]

Is there an 8th grade dean or principal? They are usually really good at advising on these situations as they know their teachers and they understand what is at stake for the student. If so, in as positive a way as you can muster, have a conversation about "how the school handles recommendations." If that doesn't go well, consider adding a rec from the former teacher in the same subject and do so with no apologies, and hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

You might be surprised. My kid had this one teacher who she thought didn’t like her and who she thought she didn’t like who turned out to be one of her strongest advocates. Talk to the administration and the teacher but, as pointed out earlier, “mandatory recommendations” are called that for a reason.

[Anonymous]

OP, my DS applied to private high school from a public school (thank goodness). Anyway, there was one teacher (math) that we were worried about. She had a very cool demeanor about her. DS struggled with ADHD and had executive functioning challenges, and she did not tolerate it well. Despite this, he did perform well on tests and is a strong math student. Ultimately, she must have given him a decent recommendation because he was accepted at all the schools to which he applied. Try not to worry.

[Anonymous]

OP do not alert the new school Principal or the admin team, no no no.

Get your DD to approach this teacher herself and politely request a reference.

As other say, you'd be surprised. Its in no one's interest to give a "bad" reference if your DD is generally a good student and has no major behavioral problems. (Even then, kids with major behavioral issues get into schools all the time.)

[Anonymous]

I would hire an educational consultant-thisnisnwhere their value is. Pricey but in your shoes I would consider it. Pricey meaning 4K pricey ykksss

[Anonymous]

Teachers usually don’t write bad references.

[Anonymous]

i would submit the two required recs and add in one from the same subject teacher from last year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there an 8th grade dean or principal? They are usually really good at advising on these situations as they know their teachers and they understand what is at stake for the student. If so, in as positive a way as you can muster, have a conversation about "how the school handles recommendations." If that doesn't go well, consider adding a rec from the former teacher in the same subject and do so with no apologies, and hope for the best.

tHis is what I would to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would hire an educational consultant-thisnisnwhere their value is. Pricey but in your shoes I would consider it. Pricey meaning 4K pricey ykksss

This is a good suggestion if it is worth it to you … so this in addition to the other suggestions of supplementing the recs with one from the same subject teacher last year and approaching your K-8 principal or dean for input. It is possible that the current teacher would write a "good" rec but you will not ever know so it is better to be proactive like you are. Hope it all works out for your daughter, OP!

[Anonymous]

OP, I suggest you tell your DD to get herself together, especially if she’s ever given this particular teacher attitude. Even if you get the teacher from last year to give her a “good” recommendation, it’s likely the admissions committee will wonder why she didn’t get one from this year’s current teacher. But also teachers are colleagues so I imagine that they talk. For example, if DD is trying to get into a Mandarin program and she needs a recommendation from a Mandarin 4 but she gets one from Mandarin 3. The Mandarin 3 teacher might ask the Mandarin 4 teacher how your child is doing in a harder level class and base the recommendation off of that.

Overall, this is a learning lessson from you. Teach your DD the art of relationship building.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would hire an educational consultant-thisnisnwhere their value is. Pricey but in your shoes I would consider it. Pricey meaning 4K pricey ykksss

How in the world would a consultant help in this circumstance?