what is your idea of 'supporting' your child in school and being an 'involved parent'

[Anonymous]

I am just wondering the definition of these terms. I have 3 kids. I work full-time. I am married. Our first child entered K this year, and I am floored by the numbers of flyers requesting money, assistance, participation and support. Floored. I dont' have time or interest in supporting all of these causes, either with my efforts or my money. I just want my kid to go to school, to learn, and to have fun. What does it mean to be a supportive and involved parent? For example, I regularly communicate with the teacher because she is very communicative. I am chaperoning an upcoming field trip. I donated a few supplies the teacher requested. I will not, however, purchase books from those Scholastic book catelogs that I am receivign weekly. We have plenty of books, we go to the library, and we read every night. I will not purchase special pages in the yearbook to show my kid I love him - we do love him, and we show him that daily. He comes home with HW. I refuse to force him to do it or hold his hand as he completes it. I remind him he has it, I make sure he understands the directions, and then it's on him. He can't even read, so what is the point or use of HW that requires reading the directions to complete? I would rather spend our evenings reading together, making dinner, and playing. Does this make me unsupportive or uninvolved? What are we aiming for when we say that we want to be supportive and involved?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're doing great, except for the HW. Either sit down with him and read him the directions, help him do what he's supposed to do, or put it away and don't do it at all. Don't give him a paper he can't read and tell him to have at it. That's discouraging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're doing great, except for the HW. Either sit down with him and read him the directions, help him do what he's supposed to do, or put it away and don't do it at all. Don't give him a paper he can't read and tell him to have at it. That's discouraging.

I just mean that I am not going to do it for him.There are a few parts, usually, that I would basically have to spoonfeed him in order to get him to complete, and I think that's just a waste of everyone's time. I make sure he gets what he is supposed to do, but I'm not going to nag him to complete it.

[Anonymous]

I think of all the school related stuff like a buffet. I take what I want and pass on the things I don't want. There are certain things you have to do and things that are optional. Do what works best for your family, and what you can sustain. Its easy to jump in at the beginning of the year and realize down the road that you committed too much (to take the analogy further, your eyes were bigger than your stomach).

[Anonymous]

OP- calm down. You don't have to do everything, but you will get a request for everything. Feel free to ignore what doesn't work for you. The paper in ES is INSANE, even when you have said you'd like e-mail. Do what you're comfortable with. Honestly, my youngest is in his last year of ES and I am as happy as he is. There are still asks in MS, but not as much, and by MS, you've got it.

You are doing great and being helpful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're doing great, except for the HW. Either sit down with him and read him the directions, help him do what he's supposed to do, or put it away and don't do it at all. Don't give him a paper he can't read and tell him to have at it. That's discouraging.

I just mean that I am not going to do it for him.There are a few parts, usually, that I would basically have to spoonfeed him in order to get him to complete, and I think that's just a waste of everyone's time. I make sure he gets what he is supposed to do, but I'm not going to nag him to complete it.

I guess being an involved parent includes developing communication and coaching strategies to help him complete a task, or learn for next time how to complete a task, and it's incumbent on you to find the balance between spoonfeeding the work and abandoning him to it.

The Scholastic scam is entirely up to you and your budget. It's overpriced, but the school or PTA gets credits/points/$/"dollars" from it, and they'll smile at you wider if you indulge.

[Anonymous]

My idea of it is to send my child dressed, fed, rested and ready to learn. I'm not trying to be an involved parent. We read every night, we talk about homework and I help her study for spelling tests, etc. I don't even read any of the fliers asking for stuff - DD throws them in recycling. I taught her what permission slips look like and to err on the side of caution. I wouldn't mind going on a field trip once a year or something, but that's it. I'll send in a treat for DD's birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My idea of it is to send my child dressed, fed, rested and ready to learn. I'm not trying to be an involved parent. We read every night, we talk about homework and I help her study for spelling tests, etc. I don't even read any of the fliers asking for stuff - DD throws them in recycling. I taught her what permission slips look like and to err on the side of caution. I wouldn't mind going on a field trip once a year or something, but that's it. I'll send in a treat for DD's birthday.

YES. This is OP. Thank you. This is what I feel like is my job too - fed, dressed, rested and ready. With appropriate supplies and an open-minded approach to his teacher's approach in the classrom. And help with studying, when the time comes. I, too, and going to toss everything else (except permission slips!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am just wondering the definition of these terms. I have 3 kids. I work full-time. I am married. Our first child entered K this year, and I am floored by the numbers of flyers requesting money, assistance, participation and support. Floored. I dont' have time or interest in supporting all of these causes, either with my efforts or my money. I just want my kid to go to school, to learn, and to have fun. What does it mean to be a supportive and involved parent? For example, I regularly communicate with the teacher because she is very communicative. I am chaperoning an upcoming field trip. I donated a few supplies the teacher requested. I will not, however, purchase books from those Scholastic book catelogs that I am receivign weekly. We have plenty of books, we go to the library, and we read every night. I will not purchase special pages in the yearbook to show my kid I love him - we do love him, and we show him that daily. He comes home with HW. I refuse to force him to do it or hold his hand as he completes it. I remind him he has it, I make sure he understands the directions, and then it's on him. He can't even read, so what is the point or use of HW that requires reading the directions to complete? I would rather spend our evenings reading together, making dinner, and playing. Does this make me unsupportive or uninvolved? What are we aiming for when we say that we want to be supportive and involved?

Don't beat yourself over this - your involvement is appropriate especially for his age. You'll see some mothers out there (especially SAHM) go nuts with this stuff, PTA, etc. Don't get intimidated or feel guilty. Most go overboard.

I'm the same way - I work FT, have several kids and just don't have the time or do I place the importance in PTA, yearbook stuff, book sales, and even homework.

I am communicative with the teachers, especially if I have any question, I take part in school functions but that's about it.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a previous poster; you're doing fine, but toe the line a little more on homework. In kindergarten, it really, really should only take about 10 minutes. I feel like it sets a good habit and precedent. If it routinely takes longer than that, speak to the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're doing great, except for the HW. Either sit down with him and read him the directions, help him do what he's supposed to do, or put it away and don't do it at all. Don't give him a paper he can't read and tell him to have at it. That's discouraging.

I just mean that I am not going to do it for him.There are a few parts, usually, that I would basically have to spoonfeed him in order to get him to complete, and I think that's just a waste of everyone's time. I make sure he gets what he is supposed to do, but I'm not going to nag him to complete it.

I guess being an involved parent includes developing communication and coaching strategies to help him complete a task, or learn for next time how to complete a task, and it's incumbent on you to find the balance between spoonfeeding the work and abandoning him to it.

Yes but it's not the job of the parent to explain/spoonfeed the child the homework - that's the teacher's responsibility. There's a natural middle ground but some parents like to err on the side of doing the homework for their child vs guiding the child enough to generally figure it out and if they can't finish it, so be it. Their learning occurs at school from 9-3, not at home from 5-6pm (or 7-8pm, depending on age).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a previous poster; you're doing fine, but toe the line a little more on homework. In kindergarten, it really, really should only take about 10 minutes. I feel like it sets a good habit and precedent. If it routinely takes longer than that, speak to the teacher.

This. I feel that with homework in the younger grades it really is more about instilling homework responsibility and good study skills. Such things must be learned and practiced and is best done consistently over time. Now with my kids in middle and hs I see how important this was in the early grades. Don't miss the opportunity OP.

[Anonymous]

For what it’s worth, my European spouse finds the expected parental involvement here strange. Parents there drop off and pick up, if that. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For what it’s worth, my European spouse finds the expected parental involvement here strange. Parents there drop off and pick up, if that. The end.

What European families do less is all the nonsense that is asked of parents to make up for inadequate funding.
European families certainly help their kids with homework, and I'm sure many of them hothouse. I'm surprised it's not a French word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're doing great, except for the HW. Either sit down with him and read him the directions, help him do what he's supposed to do, or put it away and don't do it at all. Don't give him a paper he can't read and tell him to have at it. That's discouraging.

I just mean that I am not going to do it for him.There are a few parts, usually, that I would basically have to spoonfeed him in order to get him to complete, and I think that's just a waste of everyone's time. I make sure he gets what he is supposed to do, but I'm not going to nag him to complete it.

I guess being an involved parent includes developing communication and coaching strategies to help him complete a task, or learn for next time how to complete a task, and it's incumbent on you to find the balance between spoonfeeding the work and abandoning him to it.

Yes but it's not the job of the parent to explain/spoonfeed the child the homework - that's the teacher's responsibility. There's a natural middle ground but some parents like to err on the side of doing the homework for their child vs guiding the child enough to generally figure it out and if they can't finish it, so be it. Their learning occurs at school from 9-3, not at home from 5-6pm (or 7-8pm, depending on age).

I work at a high FARMS school (like 95%) and this is the mentality of most of the parents at our school. Oh and before anyone calls that a racist statement, our school is very racially diverse (40% white, 40% Hispanic, 20% AA).