How do you “feather your nest” in preparation for a divorce?

[Anonymous]

I hate my husband. We are barely civil roommates at this point. He will be deployed soon and I will be a alone with two children. I have always been the earner, put him through a PhD program and the absolute default parent in everything.

Legally, how do I prepare myself for divorce financially? He is working now (will be deployed from the Reserves) but I still earn more than he does. We have zero assets (no house) but a fairly good savings.

Should I see a lawyer? Maybe put the savings into a trust for the kids college?

What about custody? What do I need to prove that he has zero responsibility for the kids?

I am thinking of divorcing him after he gets back. No sense in him moving back in here again.

[Anonymous]

I highly doubt you can just flip your joint savings into a trust for your kids, file for divorce and have that get you out of paying him half of the “marital pot of money”. If you don’t have a prenup, all the money you’ve saved since you got married will be cut in half. If he gets a halfway decent attorney, you will be called out on your slick little move and still be on the hook.

Also, default custody is 50/50. Your idea of a deadbeat parent will almost certainly not be the same as the judges. Many people stay married to abusive and alcoholic spouses because the court will often hand the abusive alcoholic 50% custody.

[Anonymous]

Spend $300 for an initial consultation and ask a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

17:32 here.

I’d see a good lawyer in your state. Something tells me you’re in for a wake up call.

[Anonymous]

Talk to a lawyer. Consider taking half of money into an account just in your name if lawyer agrees.

Talk to spouse - I don't think waiting for right after he gets back from deployment would be doing anyone any favors. People get defensive when blindsided and that won't help you out. I think it would be best if spouse has some time to accept at least a hint of divorce and make his own plan.

[Anonymous]

Talk to a lawyer. Guys complain about getting screwed in a divorce all the time. Hopefully you husband will be one of them.

[Anonymous]

I took about half of the money from our joint account and moved it to one in my name only, stopped depositing my pay in the joint account. Canceled joint credit cards. Went through expenses and started cutting out unnecessary things like rarely used subscriptions, gym membership, premium cable package. I reduced my contributions to 401k temporarily pending the divorce. Basically, I reduced his access to my income, cut some expenses, and improved my cash flow during the time I was paying the divorce lawyer and working on a settlement.

[Anonymous]

Trust me, much as you hate it, it will be cheaper for you to do the right thing and split things evenly than fight it out in court.

"Good savings"? What is that? $50k? $100k? You can spend that on lawyers in a heartbeat. Cheaper and easier to give him half and be done with it.

"Should I see a lawyer?"

Yes but be ready not to like what he tells you.

"Maybe put the savings into a trust for the kids college?"

Nope. A trust created after the marriage, using marital assets, will be part of the marital estate.

"What about custody? What do I need to prove that he has zero responsibility for the kids?"

If he wants 50/50, he will get it unless he is a criminal or drug dealer or something. Which he isn't.

Also, brace yourself - if you are the earner, very good chance you will end up paying spousal and child support to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt you can just flip your joint savings into a trust for your kids, file for divorce and have that get you out of paying him half of the “marital pot of money”. If you don’t have a prenup, all the money you’ve saved since you got married will be cut in half. If he gets a halfway decent attorney, you will be called out on your slick little move and still be on the hook.

Also, default custody is 50/50. Your idea of a deadbeat parent will almost certainly not be the same as the judges. Many people stay married to abusive and alcoholic spouses because the court will often hand the abusive alcoholic 50% custody.

Giving his children a college fund isn’t “slick”. She supported him through graduate school and just wants the money she earned and saved to go to their kids college and not him.

[Anonymous]

Divorce lawyers are useless unless you plan to litigate. Even then they can be useless. I know folks who have spent hundreds of thousands and ended up w crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt you can just flip your joint savings into a trust for your kids, file for divorce and have that get you out of paying him half of the “marital pot of money”. If you don’t have a prenup, all the money you’ve saved since you got married will be cut in half. If he gets a halfway decent attorney, you will be called out on your slick little move and still be on the hook.

Also, default custody is 50/50. Your idea of a deadbeat parent will almost certainly not be the same as the judges. Many people stay married to abusive and alcoholic spouses because the court will often hand the abusive alcoholic 50% custody.

Giving his children a college fund isn’t “slick”. She supported him through graduate school and just wants the money she earned and saved to go to their kids college and not him.

Lol. Tell that to the judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt you can just flip your joint savings into a trust for your kids, file for divorce and have that get you out of paying him half of the “marital pot of money”. If you don’t have a prenup, all the money you’ve saved since you got married will be cut in half. If he gets a halfway decent attorney, you will be called out on your slick little move and still be on the hook.

Also, default custody is 50/50. Your idea of a deadbeat parent will almost certainly not be the same as the judges. Many people stay married to abusive and alcoholic spouses because the court will often hand the abusive alcoholic 50% custody.

Giving his children a college fund isn’t “slick”. She supported him through graduate school and just wants the money she earned and saved to go to their kids college and not him.

Lol. Tell that to the judge.

Lol x2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt you can just flip your joint savings into a trust for your kids, file for divorce and have that get you out of paying him half of the “marital pot of money”. If you don’t have a prenup, all the money you’ve saved since you got married will be cut in half. If he gets a halfway decent attorney, you will be called out on your slick little move and still be on the hook.

Also, default custody is 50/50. Your idea of a deadbeat parent will almost certainly not be the same as the judges. Many people stay married to abusive and alcoholic spouses because the court will often hand the abusive alcoholic 50% custody.

Giving his children a college fund isn’t “slick”. She supported him through graduate school and just wants the money she earned and saved to go to their kids college and not him.

You can put joint savings in a 529 anytime. You could also buy a convertible with joint savings, or give it to a friend. If it’s something like 100k in savings I would split it in a 529 for both kids. Better than paying him half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt you can just flip your joint savings into a trust for your kids, file for divorce and have that get you out of paying him half of the “marital pot of money”. If you don’t have a prenup, all the money you’ve saved since you got married will be cut in half. If he gets a halfway decent attorney, you will be called out on your slick little move and still be on the hook.

Also, default custody is 50/50. Your idea of a deadbeat parent will almost certainly not be the same as the judges. Many people stay married to abusive and alcoholic spouses because the court will often hand the abusive alcoholic 50% custody.

Giving his children a college fund isn’t “slick”. She supported him through graduate school and just wants the money she earned and saved to go to their kids college and not him.

You can put joint savings in a 529 anytime. You could also buy a convertible with joint savings, or give it to a friend. If it’s something like 100k in savings I would split it in a 529 for both kids. Better than paying him half.

ya'll are funny. if she's the big earner in the household, she will likely end up paying alimony and perhaps also child support. as far as the savings is concerned, it's 50-50 (i.e., equally his/hers). it's not hers to share or do stash away as she sees fit to do.

welcome to the world most men face in divorce.

[Anonymous]

I had a much more explicit image of "feathering the nest".