And so it begins...

[Anonymous]

We are in our third week of school and today I got the call to pick up my 3rd grader because he had a meltdown and they couldn’t calm him down.

Of course before today I had confirmed appropriate teacher placement, provided brief summary of IEP along with key triggers/ deescalation strategies and full IEP attached, set up a meeting with new AP and classroom teacher for tomorrow ironically. And I had reminded he entire team of our plan to have a “crisis team” prepared with this info in case his regular people weren’t available.

And so today when I was debriefing the situation we realized:
-nobody had read the IEP or remembered my email
-both the principal and sped teacher were offsite so his safe people were unavailable
-he got stuck on a writing task (his known kryptonite) that was so difficult the teacher couldn’t do it (tiny map labeling)
-when he refused to go to recess they left him with new AP who he had never met
- when he date on the rug and was kicking the floor (one of his approved venting activities) they called a guy in facilities whose son is on the spectrum
- that man was asked to pin my child’s legs down so he couldn’t hurt himself (confinement is another trigger)
- the mans pants were wet and since my child had last seen him repairing the boys bathroom my germaphobe child became focused on the toilet water being smeared on him
- by the time I walked in there were 8 adults surrounding him trying to talk to him while he had a meltdown

So tomorrow I have to put on my happy partnering face and meet the team to review how this should have gone down. I know we all have bad days, and my child can go from amazing to nightmare in 5 minutes. So I know their jobs are hard. But can’t they even review the IEPs of th kids who meltdown.But tonight I needed to vent here.

When this kiddo started kindergarten he bit the principal when she lifted him out of his car in car line and someone here wrote the most hysterical limerick which I can’t seem to find. If anyone recalls that limerick I would love to read it again.

Thanks for listening.

[Anonymous]

Holy sh*t. Call a lawyer and get this kid a private placement. They obviously cannot meet his needs.

[Anonymous]

Ooof. Sending hugs to you and your DS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy sh*t. Call a lawyer and get this kid a private placement. They obviously cannot meet his needs.

This is one of the few times I support going nuclear this early in the school year.

There’s a reason my current principal is unaware that I am certified to do holds. I know that it is necessary in extreme safety situations, but I am convinced that it damages the relationship between student and teacher/staff. I left it off my credentials when I applied to my new position.

[Anonymous]

I found the limerick! I love this!!

I’m sorry my child tried to bite you
I promise it wasn’t to spite you
But as you can see
From my child’s IEP
Let him chill when upset or he’ll fight you

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you. I am putting on that same face tomorrow. It’s good to have a place to vent so you don’t vent all over the people you have to work with. GL tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found the limerick! I love this!!

I’m sorry my child tried to bite you
I promise it wasn’t to spite you
But as you can see
From my child’s IEP
Let him chill when upset or he’ll fight you

This is awesome! I’m so sorry for the day your son had. That just sucks.

[Anonymous]

Dealing special ed and IEP issues for my DD were just about the most demoralizing things I've ever encountered.

This is horrendous. I'm sorry and I hope it gets better.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for finding the limerick. I am going to console myself with the fact that this time the meltdown didn’t involve biting. So that is progress.

I agree about the holds. Last year the old head facilities guy worked with kids on the spectrum a lot at the YMCA and he would get to know them so when one was having a meltdown they would call him but he would just sit and be with the kids. But he was a really big guy and could stop them from running or hold them when needed. But he built the relationship first. The guy there today is new and eager to be helpful but really wasn’t.

This event is going to be really rough to recover from trust wise. My son actually asked if he could join the meeting to represent his own point of view. I am not sure that is a great idea as he is still calling the people jerks for what they did to him today. He wants the principal to explain to everyone how he is supposed to get to take a break when he gets stuck. Part of me is really proud, and the other part is horrified he is going to share this at school and make things harder for himself.

I am now getting texts from other parents whose kids tried to explain to the staff that my child just gets stuck sometimes and they tried to make him laugh by offering joke books/ favorite snacks etc. Several were really upset that they went to recess and left my child with people he didn’t know. It is crazy the kids know his IEP better than the staff.

I think I need to find some wine.

[Anonymous]

Rather than him being there, could he do a video clip explaining his point of view for you to share.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Just wow. Sending positive thoughts for your meeting tomorrow. The kids in his class seem great. It sounds like the administration can take a cue from them. Might be worth mentioning in the meeting tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Hugs OP.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. You did everything right confirming your child's IEP and plans for behavior issues and school dropped the ball big time. I'd be asking for an in person meeting this week and written confirmation of how they'll be ensuring this doesn't happen again. It makes me smile to hear how kind and concerned your son's classmates are - kids really can be so accepting and thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Yes, the kids and their moms have been the surprising bright spot here. He has finally made some real friends.

My favorite quote so far came from a neighbor child who dropped by to see if he could play this afternoon. She said that everybody has hard days sometimes- and little kids need help with big feelings because we’re all still learning. I almost cried.

Then she proceeded to look for roly polys under rocks with my son.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry WHAT? They sent the janitor to physically restrain your child?? No insult intended by calling him a janitor, but really????

That's really sweet you're hearing from other parents and that kids are trying to help, though. Frankly those kids seem like the best reason to give the school a second chance.