Ex planned birthday party without me

[Anonymous]

It’s posts like this that I’m going to reference in someone’s future inevitable “my husband doesn’t do the dishes WWYD??” post, and every response is to get divorced. Divorce sucks, most especially for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re divorced & my assistant handles scheduling & visit transition

This is unforgivable. Why bother to have a relationship with your child that you palm off on your assistant. Not a question !

DP. The assistant seems to handle logistics around visits, presumably with the ex, not the actual…visits.

The only “unforgivable” thing would be if a parent forced their child to negotiate and handle said logistics.

Even if the assistant is the one who picks the kid up and handles transport…I don’t know, doesn’t seem like a horrific thing to me.

[Anonymous]

The father isn’t a di*k or sh*tty for planning a party without his ex. What he does on his time with their children is completely up to him.

In this scenario, there was a precedent. Depending on the circumstances, advising the ex that you’re changing the precedent would be best. But We don’t know the circumstances around that precedent, nor why it was changed and without advising the other parent.

In any and all cases, this couple is divorced and the party wasn’t about excluding the ex (which is how it seems like it’s being perceived) but to highlight the son’s birthday.

[Anonymous]

I got excluded 2 years in a row from my child's birthday party. It's emotional abuse. If they want to have a party on their own, they should not even tell you about it. What you don't know doesn't hurt you. What you do know and are excluded from does hurt you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got excluded 2 years in a row from my child's birthday party. It's emotional abuse. If they want to have a party on their own, they should not even tell you about it. What you don't know doesn't hurt you. What you do know and are excluded from does hurt you.

How do they not tell you about it? Are you proposing that the kids don't tell you? Or that you might accidentally invite the same kid to two parties?

[Anonymous]

I don't care if the kids tell me there's a party. The ex sent an invitation so I would see it (and feel bad) but it was addressed to my kid, not me. He could throw a party every year if he wants to, either the weekend before or after the birthday. If all the friends are invited and bring gifts, they aren't going to want to attend another party for the same kid. It makes the kid feel I'm less than if I don't throw a party or get invited. I can't celebrate with them in a way that will top a party. I don't even care about parties really, and as kids age, they don't have big parties as much. It's just a way for the ex to emotionally abuse me. I don't feel the need to compete. It's just awkward and seems like it's all for the ex to be the hero and make me out to be the zero to alienate affection.

[Anonymous]

He's playing mental games with you. Have your own party, don't mention it to him, don't invite him. Make your's cooler than his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care if the kids tell me there's a party. The ex sent an invitation so I would see it (and feel bad) but it was addressed to my kid, not me. He could throw a party every year if he wants to, either the weekend before or after the birthday. If all the friends are invited and bring gifts, they aren't going to want to attend another party for the same kid. It makes the kid feel I'm less than if I don't throw a party or get invited. I can't celebrate with them in a way that will top a party. I don't even care about parties really, and as kids age, they don't have big parties as much. It's just a way for the ex to emotionally abuse me. I don't feel the need to compete. It's just awkward and seems like it's all for the ex to be the hero and make me out to be the zero to alienate affection.

Take your kid to an intimate cool occasion. Let your ex pick up the tab for the party guests, you can spend your bucks on something that excites the kid.