Have you or spouse cut back at work to accommodate needs of SN child?

[Anonymous]

After trying unsuccessfully to juggle two careers that both include travel without extended-family support (or salaries sufficient to hire full-time help ; ), my husband and I have decided that it makes sense for me to ask to reduce my hours at work. While having a child with special needs is not the only reason, it feels like the factor that tips us “over the edge.” I naively thought the number of specialists, appointments, etc. would somehow decrease as years went by, but it seems to be the opposite.

If you have made a similar decision, did you mention your child when asking to cut back? I can’t go below 75% without loosing healthcare eligibility, so I plan to ask to go to four days. I believe my company values me enough to allow me to do it, but I would be the first person in a non-admin role to do so.

Thank you very much for any advice you might have on asking at work as well as any unintended consequences you may have encountered!

[Anonymous]

Rather than asking to formally cut back or go to a 4-day per week schedule, you could invoke intermittent FMLA, assuming your employer is relatively large.

[Anonymous]

As I look back at my adhd dd teenage years, I realize that staying at home with her was the right decision. There are so many things that can go haywire while parents are at work...

[Anonymous]

Yes, I did it long ago and no I didn't tell my kid why. I was fine with doing it and we could afford it by being a little more frugal. It helped me manage my own stress so i could be a calm parent, advocate and teacher to him. Even with him in school full time i have stayed part time so I can help him with homework, advocate as needed, volunteer at school and take care of myself. I do the cooking and I enjoy that. Plus, I was the lower earner so it made more sense. I hated feeling so pulled and stressed out and it made our whole household happier. I get some snide comments now and then, but whatever. Feminism is about choices and I made choices that worked for me. If my husband made less money than I did he would have been the one to cut back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rather than asking to formally cut back or go to a 4-day per week schedule, you could invoke intermittent FMLA, assuming your employer is relatively large.

This! That’s what I do.

[Anonymous]

Sort of, I quit altogether. It was the best option of our available options. We all have different circumstances and we all figure out out what works best for our individual families.

[Anonymous]

I quit, a year before I was going to get my PhD. This ruined my career.
My young toddler was not drinking or eating anything during the entire day at daycare, and needed intensive therapies.

[Anonymous]

My boss would not let me go part time (before we knew SN) so I quit and never went back. I'd do part-time if you can but being home is nice to get all the therapies and other stuff done so you can have more time during the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I quit, a year before I was going to get my PhD. This ruined my career.
My young toddler was not drinking or eating anything during the entire day at daycare, and needed intensive therapies.

My husband did the same and it ruined his career.

In our case our child have a severe speech and language disorder and needed intensive therapies for many years.

[Anonymous]

Yes but I didn't ask. I just "worked from home" a second afternoon per week to attend a therapy once a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rather than asking to formally cut back or go to a 4-day per week schedule, you could invoke intermittent FMLA, assuming your employer is relatively large.

This! That’s what I do.

I did exactly what OP proposes -- 32 hours/week. My boss actually suggested using FMLA leave, and they approved it as a reduced schedule leave (not intermittent.) I did it for 3-4 years. No unintended consequences, but it did slow my advancement there. It picked up afterwards again, so it didn't kill my career -- but I'm also a guy, and so maybe not subject to the same mommy-track assumptions.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you very much - I had not thought of using FMLA years after the diagnosis and will definitely reseaearch!

For those who have gone part-time, I was actually wondering what you told your employer when requesting? I have been back at work a little over three years after taking almost two off after the birth of my second child and strongly prefer to stay in the work-force at least part-time.

Thanks you again for taking the time to reply!

[Anonymous]

I went part time when my kids were young. I never went back full time. It was so much easier to schedule appointments. I'm fine with that. I like my work and I like not feeling chaotic. I'll add that DH probably also lost out on opportunities for promotions because he will flex his schedule if needed for appointments instead of me. He's okay with that too. Neither of us have s high tolerance for endless hours of meetings and most higher paid jobs seem to end up as constant meetings rather than doing actual research.

[Anonymous]

I do a lot of work at home and flexitime. I also hit my own personal glass ceiling.

[Anonymous]

I work at a very flexible, but lower-paying job (and 3/4 time) because the amount of appointments and school issues would be impossible to manage otherwise.