Help me plan my life, DCUM

[Anonymous]

I wasn't sure whether to post here or elsewhere, but considering I have a preschooler and a baby, thought this would be a good forum.

I've recently separated from my husband. When we lived together, I was a SAHM and we lived overseas for his job. I've returned to the US and have been living on a credit card while figuring everything out. I'm applying to a nursing program and am spending the next two semesters taking prerequisites to become eligible. This fall I'll be taking ten credits and a science lab, and in the spring will take six credits and two science labs.

To complicate matters, everyone I've spoken with (social services and a family law attorney) has warned me that collecting child support while my husband is overseas may be impossible. (He has cut me off financially.) Essentially, a child support order is unenforceable, despite his being a federal employee. I have found a job which would pay me $9 an hour plus tips, working 30-35 hours a week. Childcare would be $1000 a month for both children

I'm wondering if it would be better/wiser to live off of student loans/grants/scholarships and state assistance while I'm in school, or if I should work at above job. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

You keep posting and keep getting the same answers. If you are getting cash from loans/grants, it is considered income and you may not get government benefits. Get a job, apply for the child care voucher and move one. Going into debt is a horrible idea.

[Anonymous]

Look into getting a job at Kaiser. The lady I hired off Task Rabbit works for them, and she said they pay for her to go to school in order to get degrees that will benefit them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You keep posting and keep getting the same answers. If you are getting cash from loans/grants, it is considered income and you may not get government benefits. Get a job, apply for the child care voucher and move one. Going into debt is a horrible idea.

I have never posted about this situation. It's only just come up today!

[Anonymous]

Job and school plus parenting would be tough. One of those things will fall off the table, along with your sanity and ability to cope.

Keep your eye on the objective of a better paying job to support your kids and get all the assistance you can find while you get there. You may have to cut back the professions training to take a part-time job at some point in the future, but better that than cutting it out entirely - which is more likely to happen if you take on too much at once.

[Anonymous]

If he's a federal employee, the advice you've gotten is wrong. His wages absolutely can be garnished pursuant to a child support order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't sure whether to post here or elsewhere, but considering I have a preschooler and a baby, thought this would be a good forum.

I've recently separated from my husband. When we lived together, I was a SAHM and we lived overseas for his job. I've returned to the US and have been living on a credit card while figuring everything out. I'm applying to a nursing program and am spending the next two semesters taking prerequisites to become eligible. This fall I'll be taking ten credits and a science lab, and in the spring will take six credits and two science labs.

To complicate matters, everyone I've spoken with (social services and a family law attorney) has warned me that collecting child support while my husband is overseas may be impossible. (He has cut me off financially.) Essentially, a child support order is unenforceable, despite his being a federal employee. I have found a job which would pay me $9 an hour plus tips, working 30-35 hours a week. Childcare would be $1000 a month for both children

I'm wondering if it would be better/wiser to live off of student loans/grants/scholarships and state assistance while I'm in school, or if I should work at above job. What do you think?

I'm not buying this. Do you know what agency your DH works for? Do you know his social security number? If so, you should be able to collect child support from a federal employee. Even if it is "cloak and dagger", if you lived overseas, you have SOMEONE'S contact info. You communicated with someone about something.

[Anonymous]

Move back closer to your parents. Most parents (assuming you have a decent relationship) would gladly help out their own daughter (and grandkids) given your situation. Plus, least give you (some) free childcare.

Are you sure you can't find a job that pays more than $9/hr??

Can you work for a temp company? That def pays way more than $9/hr and you can sorta get your foot in the door, gain practical experience, and even land yourself a permanent job via being a temp.

And why nursing? No offense, but that seems to take too much time to earn the degree AND too much time and money to pursue and the starting paycheck (and brutal shift work) for the newbies sucks!

[Anonymous]

Nursing is a great career to pursue. It's highly transferable so you're not locked down by location. It's also in high demand and supply will not overcome that in this lifetime.

Yes, the shifts can present a problem for single parents, but she'll be in a better position to handle that with a degree under her belt. A salary that relies on tips will also present a problem with childcare but it won't offer any of the security that nursing will.

Workforce and childcare policies need to catch up with these realities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move back closer to your parents. Most parents (assuming you have a decent relationship) would gladly help out their own daughter (and grandkids) given your situation. Plus, least give you (some) free childcare.

Are you sure you can't find a job that pays more than $9/hr??

Can you work for a temp company? That def pays way more than $9/hr and you can sorta get your foot in the door, gain practical experience, and even land yourself a permanent job via being a temp.

And why nursing? No offense, but that seems to take too much time to earn the degree AND too much time and money to pursue and the starting paycheck (and brutal shift work) for the newbies sucks!

OP here. My mom lives in DC (too expensive) and wouldn't provide free childcare or much support - when I told her I was leaving my husband she asked how I was going to get money (subtext: not her).

I have a degree in communications but am lucky to get an interview as an admin. I'd like to get a job in which I can earn more money. In the future I plan to get my master's in nursing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't sure whether to post here or elsewhere, but considering I have a preschooler and a baby, thought this would be a good forum.

I've recently separated from my husband. When we lived together, I was a SAHM and we lived overseas for his job. I've returned to the US and have been living on a credit card while figuring everything out. I'm applying to a nursing program and am spending the next two semesters taking prerequisites to become eligible. This fall I'll be taking ten credits and a science lab, and in the spring will take six credits and two science labs.

To complicate matters, everyone I've spoken with (social services and a family law attorney) has warned me that collecting child support while my husband is overseas may be impossible. (He has cut me off financially.) Essentially, a child support order is unenforceable, despite his being a federal employee. I have found a job which would pay me $9 an hour plus tips, working 30-35 hours a week. Childcare would be $1000 a month for both children

I'm wondering if it would be better/wiser to live off of student loans/grants/scholarships and state assistance while I'm in school, or if I should work at above job. What do you think?

I'm not buying this. Do you know what agency your DH works for? Do you know his social security number? If so, you should be able to collect child support from a federal employee. Even if it is "cloak and dagger", if you lived overseas, you have SOMEONE'S contact info. You communicated with someone about something.

OP here. He's with the Department of Defense, and yes, I have his social. I'm flummoxed too, but a woman at social services told me that the US doesn't have an agreement with the country where my husband is located, and therefore the order cannot be enforced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't sure whether to post here or elsewhere, but considering I have a preschooler and a baby, thought this would be a good forum.

I've recently separated from my husband. When we lived together, I was a SAHM and we lived overseas for his job. I've returned to the US and have been living on a credit card while figuring everything out. I'm applying to a nursing program and am spending the next two semesters taking prerequisites to become eligible. This fall I'll be taking ten credits and a science lab, and in the spring will take six credits and two science labs.

To complicate matters, everyone I've spoken with (social services and a family law attorney) has warned me that collecting child support while my husband is overseas may be impossible. (He has cut me off financially.) Essentially, a child support order is unenforceable, despite his being a federal employee. I have found a job which would pay me $9 an hour plus tips, working 30-35 hours a week. Childcare would be $1000 a month for both children

I'm wondering if it would be better/wiser to live off of student loans/grants/scholarships and state assistance while I'm in school, or if I should work at above job. What do you think?

I'm not buying this. Do you know what agency your DH works for? Do you know his social security number? If so, you should be able to collect child support from a federal employee. Even if it is "cloak and dagger", if you lived overseas, you have SOMEONE'S contact info. You communicated with someone about something.

OP here. He's with the Department of Defense, and yes, I have his social. I'm flummoxed too, but a woman at social services told me that the US doesn't have an agreement with the country where my husband is located, and therefore the order cannot be enforced.

But he's not working for the other country. He's working for the us? Then his federal paycheck would be garnished. I'd talk to someone else who knows about federal employees.

[Anonymous]

Agree that sounds wrong that his wages can't be garnished. Regardless of where he is, USG is cutting his check. $ starts off here. Also if he has a clearance, wouldn't refusing to pay child support be a problem for his clearance - assuming you had an order of support from some court here? I'd also seek other advice before accepting what sounds like a set up for a very hard situation for you and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't sure whether to post here or elsewhere, but considering I have a preschooler and a baby, thought this would be a good forum.

I've recently separated from my husband. When we lived together, I was a SAHM and we lived overseas for his job. I've returned to the US and have been living on a credit card while figuring everything out. I'm applying to a nursing program and am spending the next two semesters taking prerequisites to become eligible. This fall I'll be taking ten credits and a science lab, and in the spring will take six credits and two science labs.

To complicate matters, everyone I've spoken with (social services and a family law attorney) has warned me that collecting child support while my husband is overseas may be impossible. (He has cut me off financially.) Essentially, a child support order is unenforceable, despite his being a federal employee. I have found a job which would pay me $9 an hour plus tips, working 30-35 hours a week. Childcare would be $1000 a month for both children

I'm wondering if it would be better/wiser to live off of student loans/grants/scholarships and state assistance while I'm in school, or if I should work at above job. What do you think?

I'm not buying this. Do you know what agency your DH works for? Do you know his social security number? If so, you should be able to collect child support from a federal employee. Even if it is "cloak and dagger", if you lived overseas, you have SOMEONE'S contact info. You communicated with someone about something.

OP here. He's with the Department of Defense, and yes, I have his social. I'm flummoxed too, but a woman at social services told me that the US doesn't have an agreement with the country where my husband is located, and therefore the order cannot be enforced.

But he's not working for the other country. He's working for the us? Then his federal paycheck would be garnished. I'd talk to someone else who knows about federal employees.

Well I agree with you, but the people I spoke with seemed not to get it. Social services said it's even an issue in the military - if a service member goes overseas without an order in place, support cannot be collected.

[Anonymous]

#1 - live somewhere with free public preschool

#2 - get a higher paying job (what did you do pre-kids??)

#3 - look into programs that subsidize a nursing degree

#4 - join a support group for single moms navigating divorce

#5 - get a new family law attorney, perhaps a rec from a friend in #4