Mom Cliques. I had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is wild! Did OP ever explain if she was friends with several of these women or not???

OP Here—Yes. Two of the moms that live in my subdivision are always invited to all of the events I host and I have been invited to their events as well. They live in my subdivision. There were three other moms that I am always friendly with, no issues.

So...you knew 1/3 of the people at the event...got it.

Some of you have poor reading comprehension skills.

She knows all the women at the event -- they are all women whose kids go to the same elementary school, and all but one of the women have kids in the same grades as her kids.

She also knows two of the women well and considers them friends (or did) -- they live in the same subdivision and are the only women in that subdivision with elementary age kids (thus the only ones at the bus stop).

Additionally, she is on more friendly terms (not as close but clearly OP considers them friends) with three more women in the group, but she doesn't know/see them as much as the other two because they are not neighbors.

So OP knows all the women, knows 2 very well, another 5 fairly well, and interacts with almost all the others regularly due to having kids in the same classes.

I still think OP overreacted to seeing these women all together without her, BUT I think when you understand her relationship to these women, it becomes more obvious as to why she felt excluded. It was not some random group of 15 women. It was a group of women she knew, some fairly well, and all from a community she is also a part of. It's understandable that discovering they were hanging out in this way but no including her would feel weird to her.

It would be like walking into a trivia night on a Tuesday and discovering that 10-15 of your coworkers, including 5 who you considered yourself to be friends with, are there together on the same team. It's not that they are required to include you, but it's going to feel weird that they've never even mentioned it, especially the ones you are closer to.

I can't believe I'm still trying to explain this to people. It just seems self-evident to me.

Ha, you're the one who can't read. This isn't right at all. And also, I'm the PP to whom you are responding, and at the time of my post, OP had not stated that she knew all of the moms, only that she was friends with two and knew three others. So maybe settle down a little bit.

She said in the OP itself that they were all women from her kids' school, so from the start it was clear these were people she knew on some level. She only clarified the level of friendship of various people because people jumped all over her and accused her of thinking she should be invited to every random gathering of women even if she didn't know them at all.

People keep saying "so any group of women is a clique!?" even though OP has always said that these were women she knew (obviously... how would she even have recognized the group if she didn't know them? obviously she knows them).

Oh come on, "knows that the women have kids at her kids' school" is like the lowest baseline of a relationship imaginable! OP mentions the bus stop - this is a public school with literally hundreds of families. That's only a tiny step up from strangers. OP has not articulated a meaningful commonality between those women and her, e.g., we all live on the same few blocks, our daughters are on the same soccer teams, or maybe even all our kids are in the same kindergarten class. How can OP be excluded from a group she was never part of?

And the fact that two of her friends were there is basically meaningless because anyone but a weirdo understands that even their close friends have lives outside their friendship and other friends in different circles too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the whole thread. Did the person OP texted text her back?

Agree we need an update on that Stat even if the response was crickets. OP don't let us down.

If I were the OP, I'd give you nothing. The PPs on here will twist anything she says to make the situation her fault and tell her how she deserves to be left out of every activity ever. It's absolutely bananas on this thread.

Careful, your hyperbole is showing.

Most posters actually said that OP shouldn't be upset. A few said she was a peach (after her rude follow up post) and some have called her needy or whatever, but the majority of the people who disagree with your assessment of the situation didn't call OP names, they just said she wouldn't worry about this and it's ok.

You are the one twisting everything to fit some sort of narrative about a cabal of mean girls on DCUM and it's bizarre.

I don't think you understand what hyperbole means. Even Jeff commented on the attacks on OP. It's not bizarre, it's run-of-the-mill DCUM. Are you new?

Hyperbole: exaggerated statements or claims not meant to be taken literally.

See, eg. "The PPs on here will twist anything she says to make the situation her fault and tell her how she deserves to be left out of every activity ever."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Covid caused some cliques to accidentally form. There is a group of families at our school (all with kids in my kid's class, so I interact with them a fair bit) who created pod during Covid. They hired a teacher and their kids went to school together on a rotation among their houses, as they all live on the same block of a pretty dense neighborhood.

I don't think they meant to become exclusive, but Covid forced a kind of exclusivity, and you can still see it now several years later. One of the kids in that group became good friends with my child over the last year (1st grade) -- they were pretty inseparable both at school and aftercare. They'd run up to me at pick up and ask for a playdate. I tried to set one up several times with the mom but she kept saying they had a conflict. She never offered to host the playdate. Then the kid had a birthday party and it was just family's from that pod (even though it's four years later!) and my kid was not invited. To me it is just sad. I feel bad for my kid but also her kid, because I don't think they should be limited to the friends from their Covid pod for the rest of elementary school.

Your kid is in first grade but her current classmates' parents hired a teacher for those now first graders four years ago. How many times did you all redshirt your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The mean girl pta vibe is heavy handed here. The defensive posture in favor of this group and antagonistic approach to op is wild.

+1, we actually don't get much info from OP here, certainly not enough to draw conclusions. The people who are assuming good intent by this group and hurling insults at OP are simply showing themselves up.

Seems the opposite to me. All we know is 15 women got together for lunch. Nothing nefarious about that. Why are they suddenly a “mean girl” mom clique? Literally nothing sail alludes to this- OP is just peeved she wasn’t invited. Which in itself isn’t mean spirited

It's typical DCUM. People loooove to dog-pile on the OP and project their own issues. The first couple pages are all mean moms telling OP it's her fault and she made it awkward based on very little info. Says tons about them.

+10000

It’s because Op came out swinging against a group of women who dared to go anywhere without her. She’s not going to get the sisterhood rallying around her when she comes out like that.

Swinging seems intense. She wrote a potentially snarky text to a friend. It may have been reactive but not completely deranged like so many are implying. Honestly does no one have compassion or genuine friendships around here?

If a friend sent me a snarky text because I happened to have social plans that didn’t include her, I would not be clamoring to get together with her anytime soon. Who the heck wants to be guilted for having a social life that doesn’t revolve entirely around inviting that one person along to everything.

If I ran into a couple friends out in a big group I didn’t know I would smile and wave. If I happened to be in close proximity I may make pleasantries and ask how the wine is and if there’s anything they’d recommend ordering for my event. If OP had been friendly maybe she would have been introduced to the group and invited next time. She’ll never be invited now after her little tantrum. And would she really even want an invite given out of some sort of guilt trip?

If OP was my friend, I would have waved her over and asked if she had time to join us for a glass of wine.

That is good manners. Many on this board seemingly have none.

If Queen Bee gets mad and casts me out of the inner circle, then so be it. The rest of the wine mom minions can decide to hang out with and be ruled by a 15-year-old mean girl, in a grown adult's body.

Exactly. Even if it was not school related. That’s my friend. Hey, babe! So cool to see you. Come over?

The last three times I got together with a group of other women were for (1) a book club, (2) to plan a memorial for a child who had died, and (3) working on an upcoming event for a non-profit. If my best friend, who is not in my book club and therefore may not have read the book we were discussing, doesn't know the child who died, and has nothing to do with the non-profit or the event, had walked by me while I was with any of those groups, I absolutely would not have invited her to come join us because it would not be appropriate. It is flabbergasting to me that you people would actually use the words you suggested above. I clearly don't know anyone like you because I don't know anyone who would do that, and if I did, I'm quite certain everyone else in the group would think it was really odd.

Sounds very dry. Do you have a pulse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

It's clearly you who misunderstands and hates. Look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Covid caused some cliques to accidentally form. There is a group of families at our school (all with kids in my kid's class, so I interact with them a fair bit) who created pod during Covid. They hired a teacher and their kids went to school together on a rotation among their houses, as they all live on the same block of a pretty dense neighborhood.

I don't think they meant to become exclusive, but Covid forced a kind of exclusivity, and you can still see it now several years later. One of the kids in that group became good friends with my child over the last year (1st grade) -- they were pretty inseparable both at school and aftercare. They'd run up to me at pick up and ask for a playdate. I tried to set one up several times with the mom but she kept saying they had a conflict. She never offered to host the playdate. Then the kid had a birthday party and it was just family's from that pod (even though it's four years later!) and my kid was not invited. To me it is just sad. I feel bad for my kid but also her kid, because I don't think they should be limited to the friends from their Covid pod for the rest of elementary school.

Your kid is in first grade but her current classmates' parents hired a teacher for those now first graders four years ago. How many times did you all redshirt your kids?

The kids were in a preschool pod -- I live in DC and most parents send their kids to our inbound school for PK if they can get a spot. That year was weird because everyone had to scramble to come up with a different plan. Thus, pods.

[Anonymous]

I try to avoid the moms in my neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The mean girl pta vibe is heavy handed here. The defensive posture in favor of this group and antagonistic approach to op is wild.

+1, we actually don't get much info from OP here, certainly not enough to draw conclusions. The people who are assuming good intent by this group and hurling insults at OP are simply showing themselves up.

Seems the opposite to me. All we know is 15 women got together for lunch. Nothing nefarious about that. Why are they suddenly a “mean girl” mom clique? Literally nothing sail alludes to this- OP is just peeved she wasn’t invited. Which in itself isn’t mean spirited

It's typical DCUM. People loooove to dog-pile on the OP and project their own issues. The first couple pages are all mean moms telling OP it's her fault and she made it awkward based on very little info. Says tons about them.

+10000

It’s because Op came out swinging against a group of women who dared to go anywhere without her. She’s not going to get the sisterhood rallying around her when she comes out like that.

Swinging seems intense. She wrote a potentially snarky text to a friend. It may have been reactive but not completely deranged like so many are implying. Honestly does no one have compassion or genuine friendships around here?

If a friend sent me a snarky text because I happened to have social plans that didn’t include her, I would not be clamoring to get together with her anytime soon. Who the heck wants to be guilted for having a social life that doesn’t revolve entirely around inviting that one person along to everything.

If I ran into a couple friends out in a big group I didn’t know I would smile and wave. If I happened to be in close proximity I may make pleasantries and ask how the wine is and if there’s anything they’d recommend ordering for my event. If OP had been friendly maybe she would have been introduced to the group and invited next time. She’ll never be invited now after her little tantrum. And would she really even want an invite given out of some sort of guilt trip?

If OP was my friend, I would have waved her over and asked if she had time to join us for a glass of wine.

That is good manners. Many on this board seemingly have none.

If Queen Bee gets mad and casts me out of the inner circle, then so be it. The rest of the wine mom minions can decide to hang out with and be ruled by a 15-year-old mean girl, in a grown adult's body.

Exactly. Even if it was not school related. That’s my friend. Hey, babe! So cool to see you. Come over?

The last three times I got together with a group of other women were for (1) a book club, (2) to plan a memorial for a child who had died, and (3) working on an upcoming event for a non-profit. If my best friend, who is not in my book club and therefore may not have read the book we were discussing, doesn't know the child who died, and has nothing to do with the non-profit or the event, had walked by me while I was with any of those groups, I absolutely would not have invited her to come join us because it would not be appropriate. It is flabbergasting to me that you people would actually use the words you suggested above. I clearly don't know anyone like you because I don't know anyone who would do that, and if I did, I'm quite certain everyone else in the group would think it was really odd.

Yes, agree. The suggestion you are a clique if you don’t invite someone to sit down and join your gathering is bizarre. Frankly, I would find that uncomfortable. There is a coffee shop I frequent in my neighborhood. I often see people I know there sitting down with others I know or am friends with. If I catch their eye, I smile and acknowledge them, but I would not walk up and interrupt them nor would I expect them to get up and invite me to join.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is wild. Who cares who’s getting together, when and how often? If the same 15 moms want to meet at a Winery every Friday, awesome. So what if you weren’t invited. There are lots of things you aren’t invited to, there are many things these women aren’t individually invited to. OP is an adult and I’m assuming has friends beyond the 15 women there. If she is wanting to socialize, she should text some friends and plan something. What these women did/do is their own prerogative

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

It's clearly you who misunderstands and hates. Look in the mirror.

OMG do you guys read what you are writing before you hit send?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

It's clearly you who misunderstands and hates. Look in the mirror.

OMG do you guys read what you are writing before you hit send?

OMG yes quit trying to shame people for doing what you're doing. It's ridiculous.