Anyone here divorce in their 50s feel life is better?

[Anonymous]

Husband has problem. Seems mental. Can't figure it out. He was just fired. He is emotionally and otherwise unavailable to himself or me. I need a divorce and have children. Has anyone said enough in their fifties, become a single parent and live to feel better and enjoy life after the upheaval of divorce? Is there a way to divorce without upheaval? Husband seems willing. TIA.

[Anonymous]

I divorced at 52, it has been a huge relief, but not during the process, which was contentious. Be happy if you have 10% of the friends you once did. I came out the other side doing quite well, because my BIL is an accountant and advised me to leave emotion out and conduct the settlement like a business arrangement, which makes a huge difference financially.

[Anonymous]

is there hope he will find something else that is better fit? I ask because my husband was fired in sept. he found something that is a much better fit within a month. it was a miracle. i was not hopeful. he is a different person now and our marriage is much better as a result

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:is there hope he will find something else that is better fit? I ask because my husband was fired in sept. he found something that is a much better fit within a month. it was a miracle. i was not hopeful. he is a different person now and our marriage is much better as a result

Thanks for feedback PPs.
He seems a shambles and does not handle stress well at all. The firing is icing on the cake, not the cake itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced at 52, it has been a huge relief, but not during the process, which was contentious. Be happy if you have 10% of the friends you once did. I came out the other side doing quite well, because my BIL is an accountant and advised me to leave emotion out and conduct the settlement like a business arrangement, which makes a huge difference financially.

Can you share more PO. Most friends as couple are my friends gained prior to and after marriage. He seems to lack friend making abilities. . I'm sure I've never met a functional friend of his. I'm working on relationships during this process.

[Anonymous]

Is it better? Yes, but...

After years of worsening mental health issues that my ex refused to treat, I left with our three kids. He had numerous job losses, there was chaos at home, increasing emotional distance and general under functioning. During our divorce (which was awful), I learned the full extent of his financial and emotional (and sexual) irresponsibility, which I will be dealing with for years. Luckily, he did not fight me on custody. But he barely pays child support, and is not a co-parent in any sense of the word.

It is a relief to not have to deal with a passive aggressive partner, and it is a relief not to over-function for him anymore. It is a relief not to worry about the next disaster. But I've lost my house, my retirement, and my credit is in tatters. And some days, rebuilding a life for myself at 50 while holding it together for my kids seems like an insurmountable task. So while I'm not doing the happy dance, or rolling around in alimony, or patting myself on the back for coming out of this with a nice fat bank account, at least I know what I'm dealing with. And I've got my kids, my health, a place to live, some friends, family, work, and I'm even carving out a social life again.

[Anonymous]

Its marriage people. Its never perfect and you are supposed to love, support and care for those you marry who are going through any kind of illness or loss. Not cut and run. Scumbags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced at 52, it has been a huge relief, but not during the process, which was contentious. Be happy if you have 10% of the friends you once did. I came out the other side doing quite well, because my BIL is an accountant and advised me to leave emotion out and conduct the settlement like a business arrangement, which makes a huge difference financially.

Exactly this, every word, except I was 47. And I had to pay for accountant / financial advisor because I don't have a BIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its marriage people. Its never perfect and you are supposed to love, support and care for those you marry who are going through any kind of illness or loss. Not cut and run. Scumbags.

Well I just found out about his 9 year affair... so there is a Scumbag, but I am not the scumbag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its marriage people. Its never perfect and you are supposed to love, support and care for those you marry who are going through any kind of illness or loss. Not cut and run. Scumbags.

16:12 here. ITA. I held on as long as I could. Probably longer than I should have. I supported, cared for, and loved my ex. I did everything I could to keep our family together. My ex was the one who cut and run. And abandoned his kids (and me). So yes, scumbags exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its marriage people. Its never perfect and you are supposed to love, support and care for those you marry who are going through any kind of illness or loss. Not cut and run. Scumbags.

16:12 here. ITA. I held on as long as I could. Probably longer than I should have. I supported, cared for, and loved my ex. I did everything I could to keep our family together. My ex was the one who cut and run. And abandoned his kids (and me). So yes, scumbags exist.

+2. I held on for two decades despite his emotional problems, ADD, awful judgment about money, and passive aggression. One day he decided that massively changing his life would fix his emotional state, but that didn't involve me or helping to pay for the oldest kid's college or giving me child support for the youngest. He does take lots of vacations and dines out with his dates. So can you find the scumbag here?

I was in my early 50s--still am, and we're near the end of the legal process. It is better. The divorce process is awful, as others have said, in fact it's an emotional roller coaster about money, legal costs, and the sleazy things he tries to do to me legally and in other ways.

But now I have so much more control over my life and finances and I can provide more stability for the kids. I don't have to deal with his moods, his tens of thousands in mysterious credit card debt, his extreme messiness, and the anxiety of never knowing what stunt or awful decision he's going to make next. Also on the plus side, as a single mom with two kids I was able to get significant financial aid for the oldest who is in college. Meanwhile I am enjoying my time to myself, reading novels, cooking, taking art classes, and more. I will probably start to date again after the divorce is final, but I'm in no rush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it better? Yes, but...

After years of worsening mental health issues that my ex refused to treat, I left with our three kids. He had numerous job losses, there was chaos at home, increasing emotional distance and general under functioning. During our divorce (which was awful), I learned the full extent of his financial and emotional (and sexual) irresponsibility, which I will be dealing with for years. Luckily, he did not fight me on custody. But he barely pays child support, and is not a co-parent in any sense of the word.

It is a relief to not have to deal with a passive aggressive partner, and it is a relief not to over-function for him anymore. It is a relief not to worry about the next disaster. But I've lost my house, my retirement, and my credit is in tatters. And some days, rebuilding a life for myself at 50 while holding it together for my kids seems like an insurmountable task. So while I'm not doing the happy dance, or rolling around in alimony, or patting myself on the back for coming out of this with a nice fat bank account, at least I know what I'm dealing with. And I've got my kids, my health, a place to live, some friends, family, work, and I'm even carving out a social life again.

I have so much respect for you. Sending love your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its marriage people. Its never perfect and you are supposed to love, support and care for those you marry who are going through any kind of illness or loss. Not cut and run. Scumbags.

. DH tried to kill me and threatened often...you try to live with that pal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband has problem. Seems mental. Can't figure it out. He was just fired. He is emotionally and otherwise unavailable to himself or me. I need a divorce and have children. Has anyone said enough in their fifties, become a single parent and live to feel better and enjoy life after the upheaval of divorce? Is there a way to divorce without upheaval? Husband seems willing. TIA.

Well men, this is yet more proof, if you needed it, that the SECOND you outlive your usefulness to a woman or show any weakness, you are dead to her and she will discard you like a lemon that is squeezed dry.

For women, all that "for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse" stuff is just going through the motions, and you better not count on them actually meaning it.

[Anonymous]

Divorced women in their 50s seem to be relatively content to not share the house and the bed at night. I've been told this, and certainly there is no shortage of women who write about enjoying the peaceful life. I can't speak for other single men my age, but I miss the coexisting.