My sister's husband is crazy and dangerous

[Anonymous]

So quick backstory. My sister has been married to her husband for 10 years. They have two kids and from the beginning I knew he was not going to be a good fit. He was constantly attached to her, "protecting" her, but it was all because he was a controlling asshole. I could go on about situations throughout the years.. Well fast forward and my sister was feeling smothered by his insecurity and controlling.

And that's when we went off the deep end. For the past few months she's been dealing with conversations and text messages that go up and down like a roller coaster. One minute it's "please please please" the next it's telling his daughters my sister is an ugly bitch. It's gotten violent and he finally moved out. But it hasn't gotten better it's gotten worse. He quit his job and decided to move out of state because he "didn't have any money". Not really sure about that since he's not giving my sister money and has a decent job but okay...

So he moved and my sister finally felt like she could breathe. Well this past weekend a guy friend posted a photo of them at the gym and the crazy texts started flying. This time they were the most disturbing. Some included... "I'll hold a gun to your head while your being raped", "I'm going to kill myself in your bed". You get the gist.

I've been telling her for months she needs to get a protective order. I told her again yesterday and she said she was scared that if she did, it would set him off and he'd come to kill her.

We live in different states and she doesn't have any family around. She's dealing with this alone with her girls. I'm scared for her because I don't see him one day deciding it's okay that this is over.... I'm just so scared for her and want her to be safe.

[Anonymous]

Call the police.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to get in a car and come to your place right now. Unless she's in Hawaii she can do that.

Domestic violence situations are some of the most dangerous and most volatile ones. When she's in a safe location have her file the protective order.

Sitting alone in your house not wanting to 'set him off' is how these women die.

[Anonymous]

Call The National Domestic Abuse Hotline. They will be able to advise you about how best to help her: 1-800-799-7233
http://www.thehotline.org/

[Anonymous]

The research shows that the most dangerous time is after women end the relationship. OP-can you research domestic violence resources in your sister's area? She really needs advice and counseling from an expert who can help her figure out her options, and make the safest possible exit plan if that is the path she chooses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The research shows that the most dangerous time is after women end the relationship. OP-can you research domestic violence resources in your sister's area? She really needs advice and counseling from an expert who can help her figure out her options, and make the safest possible exit plan if that is the path she chooses.

This is what the hotline listed above does. Please call them.

[Anonymous]

Call the police and show them all the texts and explain the situation. She needs to protect herself immediately. And her kids.

[Anonymous]

Do protective/restraining orders really do anything to prevent violence against the filer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do protective/restraining orders really do anything to prevent violence against the filer?

They put the police and everyone else your sister tells on notice that this guy is a serious threat. So like, if the ex shows up at her job, her boss shouldn't tell her just to deal with ExH, boss should understand the situation is dangerous and hide your sister while he calls the police. Stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

She also needs to let the kid's school now that he's not to have access to the kids. They need to be warned in case he shows up there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She also needs to let the kid's school now that he's not to have access to the kids. They need to be warned in case he shows up there.

Another reason to get the protective order. The school may require a custody provision, or else he's as legally entitled to the kids as she is. Most POs will provide custody provisions so that when she does leave the state to be with her sister, for example, or tell the school they need to restrict his access, she'll have something to hang her hat on. OP, I second calling the hotline, they really can walk you through the steps in supporting her. What state is she in? Perhaps someone on here is in that state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So quick backstory. My sister has been married to her husband for 10 years. They have two kids and from the beginning I knew he was not going to be a good fit. He was constantly attached to her, "protecting" her, but it was all because he was a controlling asshole. I could go on about situations throughout the years.. Well fast forward and my sister was feeling smothered by his insecurity and controlling.

And that's when we went off the deep end. For the past few months she's been dealing with conversations and text messages that go up and down like a roller coaster. One minute it's "please please please" the next it's telling his daughters my sister is an ugly bitch. It's gotten violent and he finally moved out. But it hasn't gotten better it's gotten worse. He quit his job and decided to move out of state because he "didn't have any money". Not really sure about that since he's not giving my sister money and has a decent job but okay...

So he moved and my sister finally felt like she could breathe. Well this past weekend a guy friend posted a photo of them at the gym and the crazy texts started flying. This time they were the most disturbing. Some included... "I'll hold a gun to your head while your being raped", "I'm going to kill myself in your bed". You get the gist.

I've been telling her for months she needs to get a protective order. I told her again yesterday and she said she was scared that if she did, it would set him off and he'd come to kill her.

We live in different states and she doesn't have any family around. She's dealing with this alone with her girls. I'm scared for her because I don't see him one day deciding it's okay that this is over.... I'm just so scared for her and want her to be safe.

Get a protective order take all that down to the court and she can have a temp PO in place in a few hours. If he sends another email or text or what ever , report it they can put out a bench warrant for him on the spot and even if in another state he will get picked up. When she has done all this, go get a gun and learn to use it. A PO is only a piece of paper and she at best can only give him a paper cut. PO is to see if he is smart enough to cut that crap out, the gun is to protect herself and children so she doesn't end up as a statistic

[Anonymous]

PP...meant to add that she should also pay to get him served as soon as possible so that if he violates the PO he can be picked up right away. My sister is going through this same crap and living with me, I got tired of it and the back and forth and the stalking. I got the gun, I am really good at using in now and let it be known that I am now a licensed gun owner. Guess what, he cut that crap out real fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So quick backstory. My sister has been married to her husband for 10 years. They have two kids and from the beginning I knew he was not going to be a good fit. He was constantly attached to her, "protecting" her, but it was all because he was a controlling asshole. I could go on about situations throughout the years.. Well fast forward and my sister was feeling smothered by his insecurity and controlling.

And that's when we went off the deep end. For the past few months she's been dealing with conversations and text messages that go up and down like a roller coaster. One minute it's "please please please" the next it's telling his daughters my sister is an ugly bitch. It's gotten violent and he finally moved out. But it hasn't gotten better it's gotten worse. He quit his job and decided to move out of state because he "didn't have any money". Not really sure about that since he's not giving my sister money and has a decent job but okay...

So he moved and my sister finally felt like she could breathe. Well this past weekend a guy friend posted a photo of them at the gym and the crazy texts started flying. This time they were the most disturbing. Some included... "I'll hold a gun to your head while your being raped", "I'm going to kill myself in your bed". You get the gist.

I've been telling her for months she needs to get a protective order. I told her again yesterday and she said she was scared that if she did, it would set him off and he'd come to kill her.

We live in different states and she doesn't have any family around. She's dealing with this alone with her girls. I'm scared for her because I don't see him one day deciding it's okay that this is over.... I'm just so scared for her and want her to be safe.

Get a protective order take all that down to the court and she can have a temp PO in place in a few hours. If he sends another email or text or what ever , report it they can put out a bench warrant for him on the spot and even if in another state he will get picked up. When she has done all this, go get a gun and learn to use it. A PO is only a piece of paper and she at best can only give him a paper cut. PO is to see if he is smart enough to cut that crap out, the gun is to protect herself and children so she doesn't end up as a statistic

Do not agree with the suggestion to buy a gun. Bringing a gun into this house with children increases the likelihood that someone will be injured either accidentally or by the abuser. Get restraining order. Change locks. Move, if possible. Do not post any more pictures on social media of any kind. Get a lawyer. Do not get a gun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So quick backstory. My sister has been married to her husband for 10 years. They have two kids and from the beginning I knew he was not going to be a good fit. He was constantly attached to her, "protecting" her, but it was all because he was a controlling asshole. I could go on about situations throughout the years.. Well fast forward and my sister was feeling smothered by his insecurity and controlling.

And that's when we went off the deep end. For the past few months she's been dealing with conversations and text messages that go up and down like a roller coaster. One minute it's "please please please" the next it's telling his daughters my sister is an ugly bitch. It's gotten violent and he finally moved out. But it hasn't gotten better it's gotten worse. He quit his job and decided to move out of state because he "didn't have any money". Not really sure about that since he's not giving my sister money and has a decent job but okay...

So he moved and my sister finally felt like she could breathe. Well this past weekend a guy friend posted a photo of them at the gym and the crazy texts started flying. This time they were the most disturbing. Some included... "I'll hold a gun to your head while your being raped", "I'm going to kill myself in your bed". You get the gist.

I've been telling her for months she needs to get a protective order. I told her again yesterday and she said she was scared that if she did, it would set him off and he'd come to kill her.

We live in different states and she doesn't have any family around. She's dealing with this alone with her girls. I'm scared for her because I don't see him one day deciding it's okay that this is over.... I'm just so scared for her and want her to be safe.

Get a protective order take all that down to the court and she can have a temp PO in place in a few hours. If he sends another email or text or what ever , report it they can put out a bench warrant for him on the spot and even if in another state he will get picked up. When she has done all this, go get a gun and learn to use it. A PO is only a piece of paper and she at best can only give him a paper cut. PO is to see if he is smart enough to cut that crap out, the gun is to protect herself and children so she doesn't end up as a statistic

Do not agree with the suggestion to buy a gun. Bringing a gun into this house with children increases the likelihood that someone will be injured either accidentally or by the abuser. Get restraining order. Change locks. Move, if possible. Do not post any more pictures on social media of any kind. Get a lawyer. Do not get a gun.

Getting a gun is a stupid, stupid idea. The PP that suggested she get it and learn to use it needs a serious whack on the head.