Interpret this text please - AITA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think text is the best way to communicate hurt feelings. But I also think his initial response (the flower) was kind of dopey and evasive. How are things when the two of you are together?

It’s amazing when we’re together! Really great. Very mutual. But it’s difficult to find the time- it’s complicated.

I have been duly chastened by the reactions on this thread. I know I need to change here.

[Anonymous]

This thread is bizarre.

OP: I’m free to get together tomorrow if your are. Yay!

BF: (flower)

That’s not a normal response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre.

OP: I’m free to get together tomorrow if your are. Yay!

BF: (flower)

That’s not a normal response.

+1
I don't think OPs response was great either. OPs response to the flower should have been something like: "nice flower. Are you also free tomorrow?"
If he still avoids the question, then stating your hurt might be appropriate.

[Anonymous]

If you hate texting, CALL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think text is the best way to communicate hurt feelings. But I also think his initial response (the flower) was kind of dopey and evasive. How are things when the two of you are together?

It’s amazing when we’re together! Really great. Very mutual. But it’s difficult to find the time- it’s complicated.

I have been duly chastened by the reactions on this thread. I know I need to change here.

PP here. Actually, I don’t think it’s as simple as you being in the wrong and needing to change. You only see him once a week and that makes communication difficult. You expressed genuine excitement to see him, and it’s understandable that his reaction was disappointing and hurt your feelings. It’s all valid. You’re not “TA.”
His response was lame.

I think in this situation, texting back “pretty flower” and then picking up the phone snd calling him to clarify - is he free tomorrow? - is a reasonable thing to do. Texting about your hurt feelings - in the context of minimal interaction and communication between the two of you - just sets an awkward and unpleasant tone.

I’m probably not explaining it well. I imagine you feel emotionally close enough with him to share these feelings, so maybe I’m just wrong. And your disappointment is valid and shouldn’t be brushed under the rug. Have you been together a long time?

[Anonymous]

^i guess it boils down to: need more context to give valid advice.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you are in the right to be upset over his response, which was a non-response. To heck with the flower, you wanted an answer regarding meeting up.

My last BF was a poor texter, if you want to call it that. But it's really an issue of communication. It's hard to have a good healthy relationship without good communication between 2 people. I am happy not to be with him anymore or deal with his 2-3 word texts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think text is the best way to communicate hurt feelings. But I also think his initial response (the flower) was kind of dopey and evasive. How are things when the two of you are together?

It’s amazing when we’re together! Really great. Very mutual. But it’s difficult to find the time- it’s complicated.

I have been duly chastened by the reactions on this thread. I know I need to change here.

PP here. Actually, I don’t think it’s as simple as you being in the wrong and needing to change. You only see him once a week and that makes communication difficult. You expressed genuine excitement to see him, and it’s understandable that his reaction was disappointing and hurt your feelings. It’s all valid. You’re not “TA.”
His response was lame.

I think in this situation, texting back “pretty flower” and then picking up the phone snd calling him to clarify - is he free tomorrow? - is a reasonable thing to do. Texting about your hurt feelings - in the context of minimal interaction and communication between the two of you - just sets an awkward and unpleasant tone.

I’m probably not explaining it well. I imagine you feel emotionally close enough with him to share these feelings, so maybe I’m just wrong. And your disappointment is valid and shouldn’t be brushed under the rug. Have you been together a long time?

Thank you for your thoughtful response. Calling him back over the weekend to have this type of chat is not a great option because he has little kids and they are busy. We’ve been together 6 months.

[Anonymous]

You SHOULD NOT HAVE IMMEDIATELY JUMPED to conclusions. Give him more than 2 damn hours. You could have asked him his availability instead of assuming the absolute worst.

TBH his lack of response or unclear response shows that he is just not that interested in you or schedule

Stop trying to make something work when it won’t, don’t give no explanation, just ghost him like he is trying to do with you

Try not to act too thirsty

[Anonymous]

Are we dating the same guy? Mine’s a bad texter, too. Also, 50s.

[Anonymous]

I am also not a great texter. I don't like writing out every thought or feelings I have. I use text as a logistics tool / functionally. To organize something or to ask answer a question etc. I don't spend a lot of time on my phone and I don't like texting conversations.

I have realized how important this is in dating. I dated a guy who would feel I as ignoring him if I didn't text right back. Or his feelings would be hurt that my texts were brief and to the point. It just didn't work for me. I am not someone who wants to fall asleep on Facetime or be connected 24/7.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Update. We had a long conversation last night and sorted it all out. We both still are invested in the relationship. I need to chill out, he needs to be more mindful of his texts. I still may throw my phone into the ocean.

[Anonymous]

Texting is a horrible way to communicate - or miscommunicate. I am also in my 50s, and I'm pretty sure that my budding relationship with a similarly aged man was just derailed by a series of texts, and I have no idea why. I'm vacillating between reaching out and asking or just writing it off as a bullet dodged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he on the spectrum? He sounds like a poor communicator. This is not a good sign. Stop texting him and wait for him to reach out to you.

Oh, gosh. It isn't DCUM without someone diagnosing someone with autism in the first few comments.