How do we politely tell DD to stay quiet about her summer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's necessary to ask her to lie or defect about this.

It's smart to tell her not to brag and not to bring it up constantly, but there is really nothing wrong or weird about a conversation that goes "What did you guys do this summer?"
and the responses go "Nothing" and "I go to my grandma's house and we go to the beach in July" and "I go to the aftercare all day in the summer" and "I'm doing a bunch of camps - art and acting and stuff."

There are always kinds who do different things. So what if your kid's are more expensive or posh. Someone's always are. And there is a clear line between interesting and obnoxious (like there is no need to say "I am going to taste pasta in five Italian cities after my $5K sleep away camp in the Berkshires!" when you can just say "My parents send me to a sleep away camp and we're going on vacation."

This is exactly what I was looking for, thank you.

FYI, I said daycare because last year she DID attend daycare. Yes, she was only in with kids her own age, but yes, it was at a daycare facility and no, they did not do field trips. At all. Her father will be deployed all summer, so I decided to pull out all the stops and give her opportunities that she wouldn't have locally, and I think we'll continue that going forward. She's at the age where she needs to be exposed to things outside a daycare's four walls.

OP don’t be disappointed if the fancy activity camps don’t meet your inflated expectations. Just an honest FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We currently live in a small town with few summer recreational opportunities. Thankfully we have the funds and family to do things non-locally, and so DD10 is signed up for quite a few camps and trips this upcoming summer (all things she wants to do and has asked for, so no issues there). I do realize how this looks to her classmates who are simply put in daycare for the summer. How do tell DD that she doesn't need to tell all her friends about the experiences she'll have this summer that they won't?

What is wrong with you?
Who gives a shit what your kid does over the summer?
Why should she hide it? She's 10.
You are gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this ship has sailed, but I would just talk about things in a matter of fact way. I would not say “you are going to an expensive softball camp out of state because we’re too good for this podunk town”. I would say “I couldn’t find a local softball camp that worked with our schedule, so you will go to XYZ camp near your aunt’s house”. I wouldn’t say “we’re vacationing in Long Island/Nantucket/Kiawah/Avalon because we’re too snobby for the Outer Banks.” I’d say “the beach we prefer / the beach I grew up going to / the beach convenient to the extended family is X.

Kids that age don’t have any sense of what is expensive, exotic, or exclusive unless you tell them.

I’m a parent who tells my kid “X sport camp is expensive. I’m signing you up because I think you’re ready to take care of your equipment and listen to your coaches. Do your best and have fun! Also don’t brag about it.” And “We are traveling to Iceland this year. You are lucky! I didn’t travel until I was in high school. And don’t front.” And we often talk about what other kids did because they share at circle time and I comment that things others did are cool or fun so it’s not all about what we did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she now already know to do this at 10? We tell our kid not to brag about everything and she figured it out by 8. She can be excited about things and its ok to share a little but not brag.

+1
And explain it's not polite to brag and how that makes others feel about her! It makes them dislike her, which is probably the opposite reaction she would want by bragging, so this is good for her to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this ship has sailed, but I would just talk about things in a matter of fact way. I would not say “you are going to an expensive softball camp out of state because we’re too good for this podunk town”. I would say “I couldn’t find a local softball camp that worked with our schedule, so you will go to XYZ camp near your aunt’s house”. I wouldn’t say “we’re vacationing in Long Island/Nantucket/Kiawah/Avalon because we’re too snobby for the Outer Banks.” I’d say “the beach we prefer / the beach I grew up going to / the beach convenient to the extended family is X.

Kids that age don’t have any sense of what is expensive, exotic, or exclusive unless you tell them.

I’m a parent who tells my kid “X sport camp is expensive. I’m signing you up because I think you’re ready to take care of your equipment and listen to your coaches. Do your best and have fun! Also don’t brag about it.” And “We are traveling to Iceland this year. You are lucky! I didn’t travel until I was in high school. And don’t front.” And we often talk about what other kids did because they share at circle time and I comment that things others did are cool or fun so it’s not all about what we did.

I find this weird and also like you are insecure. Not neccessary to add in the costs. Leaving it at "take care of your equipment and listen to your coach" is fine. Would you not expect that at a lower cost camp?

Ditto to your travel. Its not relevant that this is a more expensive trip than you ever took. The expectations should be the same. And they are lucky for the experience, not the price tag.

[Anonymous]

Lol Iceland sucks as a family vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We currently live in a small town with few summer recreational opportunities. Thankfully we have the funds and family to do things non-locally, and so DD10 is signed up for quite a few camps and trips this upcoming summer (all things she wants to do and has asked for, so no issues there). I do realize how this looks to her classmates who are simply put in daycare for the summer. How do tell DD that she doesn't need to tell all her friends about the experiences she'll have this summer that they won't?

Attempting a serious response:

I don't "politely" tell my kids anything. I kindly tell them how it will be. You simply inform her that she keeps quiet about her summer unless asked, and if asked you give her truthful but vague responses she should use, like "I'll be in camp" (camp can, after all, mean anything from daycare camp to sleepaway camp in another country). Then you practice.

And as another PP said, many kids may not see the differences as that big of a deal. Day care can be super fun!

Sounds like kind of an insecure, nasty, overbearing way of approaching things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We currently live in a small town with few summer recreational opportunities. Thankfully we have the funds and family to do things non-locally, and so DD10 is signed up for quite a few camps and trips this upcoming summer (all things she wants to do and has asked for, so no issues there). I do realize how this looks to her classmates who are simply put in daycare for the summer. How do tell DD that she doesn't need to tell all her friends about the experiences she'll have this summer that they won't?

What is wrong with you?
Who gives a shit what your kid does over the summer?
Why should she hide it? She's 10.
You are gross

no u r groce. ew u smell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol Iceland sucks as a family vacation

+1!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol Iceland sucks as a family vacation

This, unless your kids are into hiking and sightseeing...a thousand waterfalls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's necessary to ask her to lie or defect about this.

It's smart to tell her not to brag and not to bring it up constantly, but there is really nothing wrong or weird about a conversation that goes "What did you guys do this summer?"
and the responses go "Nothing" and "I go to my grandma's house and we go to the beach in July" and "I go to the aftercare all day in the summer" and "I'm doing a bunch of camps - art and acting and stuff."

There are always kinds who do different things. So what if your kid's are more expensive or posh. Someone's always are. And there is a clear line between interesting and obnoxious (like there is no need to say "I am going to taste pasta in five Italian cities after my $5K sleep away camp in the Berkshires!" when you can just say "My parents send me to a sleep away camp and we're going on vacation."

This is exactly what I was looking for, thank you.

FYI, I said daycare because last year she DID attend daycare. Yes, she was only in with kids her own age, but yes, it was at a daycare facility and no, they did not do field trips. At all. Her father will be deployed all summer, so I decided to pull out all the stops and give her opportunities that she wouldn't have locally, and I think we'll continue that going forward. She's at the age where she needs to be exposed to things outside a daycare's four walls.

Maybe other kids were coaching their kids to be “gentle” when talking about how their dads were around all last summer to ride bikes in the evenings, go to their swim meets, and tuck them in each and every night.

So I guess maybe other people have had to be tactful about your family’s sensitive spots too, eh? Are you gettting yet how obnoxious you are acting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol Iceland sucks as a family vacation

I think it sounds awesome. Some of you sound v jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this ship has sailed, but I would just talk about things in a matter of fact way. I would not say “you are going to an expensive softball camp out of state because we’re too good for this podunk town”. I would say “I couldn’t find a local softball camp that worked with our schedule, so you will go to XYZ camp near your aunt’s house”. I wouldn’t say “we’re vacationing in Long Island/Nantucket/Kiawah/Avalon because we’re too snobby for the Outer Banks.” I’d say “the beach we prefer / the beach I grew up going to / the beach convenient to the extended family is X.

Kids that age don’t have any sense of what is expensive, exotic, or exclusive unless you tell them.

I’m a parent who tells my kid “X sport camp is expensive. I’m signing you up because I think you’re ready to take care of your equipment and listen to your coaches. Do your best and have fun! Also don’t brag about it.” And “We are traveling to Iceland this year. You are lucky! I didn’t travel until I was in high school. And don’t front.” And we often talk about what other kids did because they share at circle time and I comment that things others did are cool or fun so it’s not all about what we did.

I find this weird and also like you are insecure. Not neccessary to add in the costs. Leaving it at "take care of your equipment and listen to your coach" is fine. Would you not expect that at a lower cost camp?

Ditto to your travel. Its not relevant that this is a more expensive trip than you ever took. The expectations should be the same. And they are lucky for the experience, not the price tag.

I find this odd too. The only time I ever tell my kid something is expensive or exclusive is to impart a sense of responsibility on them. As in “I invested in this opportunity for you and I want you to get the most out of it you can / try your hardest / take it seriously”. Even then it’s not communicated in a way that we’re better than others because we can choose some expensive activities. It’s communicated that the adults of the household have made an investment of time, money, or effort that is expensive TO US and we would appreciate our children show us an equivalent investment in effort and appreciation. If it’s something they were selected for, we help them understand that other children wanted to participate and did not get that chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol Iceland sucks as a family vacation

+1!!!!

Haha noted. We didn’t actually travel to Iceland, but just an example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this ship has sailed, but I would just talk about things in a matter of fact way. I would not say “you are going to an expensive softball camp out of state because we’re too good for this podunk town”. I would say “I couldn’t find a local softball camp that worked with our schedule, so you will go to XYZ camp near your aunt’s house”. I wouldn’t say “we’re vacationing in Long Island/Nantucket/Kiawah/Avalon because we’re too snobby for the Outer Banks.” I’d say “the beach we prefer / the beach I grew up going to / the beach convenient to the extended family is X.

Kids that age don’t have any sense of what is expensive, exotic, or exclusive unless you tell them.

I’m a parent who tells my kid “X sport camp is expensive. I’m signing you up because I think you’re ready to take care of your equipment and listen to your coaches. Do your best and have fun! Also don’t brag about it.” And “We are traveling to Iceland this year. You are lucky! I didn’t travel until I was in high school. And don’t front.” And we often talk about what other kids did because they share at circle time and I comment that things others did are cool or fun so it’s not all about what we did.

I find this weird and also like you are insecure. Not neccessary to add in the costs. Leaving it at "take care of your equipment and listen to your coach" is fine. Would you not expect that at a lower cost camp?

Ditto to your travel. Its not relevant that this is a more expensive trip than you ever took. The expectations should be the same. And they are lucky for the experience, not the price tag.

I find this odd too. The only time I ever tell my kid something is expensive or exclusive is to impart a sense of responsibility on them. As in “I invested in this opportunity for you and I want you to get the most out of it you can / try your hardest / take it seriously”. Even then it’s not communicated in a way that we’re better than others because we can choose some expensive activities. It’s communicated that the adults of the household have made an investment of time, money, or effort that is expensive TO US and we would appreciate our children show us an equivalent investment in effort and appreciation. If it’s something they were selected for, we help them understand that other children wanted to participate and did not get that chance.

That is what I said:
“ X sport camp is expensive. I’m signing you up because I think you’re ready to take care of your equipment and listen to your coaches. Do your best and have fun!” I do think mentioning high cost or unusual opportunity to be more motivating than saying “Take care of your equipment,” for my kid at least.