What neighborhoods/school districts are the worst when it comes to high pressure helicopter parenting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a "W school" middle for one year and it was a miserable experience (Robert Frost feeding to Wooton). I moved there from an easygoing but good California school district. And this was before the "W school" phenomenon really took off.

Some things I learned in one year that impacted me for life:

-Learning about the Johns Hopkins Gifted & Talented Search/program. (I got an award for a high SAT verbal score as a 7th grader.) This national program still exists but after we left Maryland, I've never been in a district that promotes it.

-Falling behind in math because MCPS was ahead on pushing their "gifted kids". Had to drop back a grade in math which resulted in me not getting to calculus in high school. Which by DCUM standards, makes me a dumb kid, never minding the verbal SAT score. There were no AoPS, RSM, Mathnasium, or Kumon then. At that time, you either got it or you didn't. In today's MCPS, my parents undoubtedly would have gotten me tutoring to keep up.

-The importance of branded clothes. And living in Potomac. I went from a nobody cares region of the US straight into a land of Jordache, Calvin Klein, Nike, Adidas worship. Also there was a lot of explicit info communicated about how cool/important it was to live in Potomac. At the time, my house was considered to be in Gaithersburg. Today's real estate business has upgraded my old neighborhood to North Potomac. So that's still a thing.

-Nasty, status-conscious people are a drag to be around. I got menaced by a group of girls I barely knew in an outdoor gym class one day. The ringleader was an affluent girl I barely knew. (We were all white, and mostly DCUM MC, with a sprinkle of Potomac DCUM UMC then.) She and her friends singled me out and started saying offensive things to me. I called one of them a bad name because they wouldn't leave me alone and she punched me in the jaw, hard. Two of them got suspended. It's the only violence I was ever subjected to in school - and ironically we were all white kids who were in a "safe" and "good" school.

So basically my 1.25 years in MCPS, gave me a grounding in SAT score snobbery, competition based on accelerated math training, real estate location importance, focus on status goods, and exposure to "Mean Girls". Quite a lot of indoctrination for such a short period of time.

I was really happy to leave that "W" middle when my dad found a job in PA after about a year. (He also had culture shock moving from CA to MD.)

I later worked in DC after college for 7 years, but when the time came to raise a family, I decided to GTFO. Too expensive, too much of a ratrace. I lived in a different "W school" neighborhood during that entire post-college time. (Walter Johnson).

OP- It's smart to think about where you want to live now, based on social characteristics, but honestly a lot of people reposition at some point K-12 anyway. I do think that perhaps I could have stretched my real estate budget to be house poor for awhile in the DMV or even where I live now. But still the "W school" approach to life is still too much for me. There was even a book about stressed-out Whitman kids a few years back.

I wouldn't recommend buying a house just hoping to find others who shared my philosophies. Outlier families tend to check out - disappear from PTA, etc. From what I read on this board now, I'm not sure where I'd head - maybe look inbounds for Richard Montgomery IB? Maybe Kensington? Maybe the unprestigious hinterlands past "North Potomac"? DC was too dangerous in the affordable areas when I lived there. I might have considered being a gentrifier back in the day.

Good for you to be thinking carefully about this now. I hope you find what you want for you and your family. I have, just in flyover country. Where I live now is a lot like old Bethesda before the high-rise/corporate office feel took over downtown.

haha.. I'm originally from CA. There are pressure cooker schools there, too.

We actually live in the Richard Montgomery cluster now. One DC went to RMIB magnet, but they didn't feel any "pressure". Just a lot of work. My other DC is not in the IB magnet program but is taking AP classes.

Having stated that, I do think this entire area is full of high achievers, and it does typically follow income and education level. Of course, there are pockets of areas that don't care that much about T50 college, but those areas are probably not in the UMC/wealthy areas.

My spouse and I joke that we should've moved to the middle of KS or something to avoid such a large high achieving peer group.

Would have had to stay away from the parts of Kansas that are richer and more high achieving than many DC suburbs then. Believe it or not the midwest isn't just flyover country.

+1 people have no idea what it's like out there. LOL at this poster thinking Kansas is a bunch of farmers. Anywhere there is a university there is a big group of competitive high achiever professor kids at the very least, but it also includes all the doctor and lawyer kids in town too. Yes, even Kansas has doctors and lawyers.

Oh please; Kansas?

They might not all be dumb farmers but they are all MAGA, and therefore really stupid by definition.

The governor of Kansas is a Democrat.

The median income in, say, Mission Hills, KS is $250,000.

[Anonymous]

Kansas is flyover country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only speak to Northern Virginia.

I think the parents most like this end up in FCPS because of the AAP option.

We are in Arlington and it's not like what you describe at all. Arlington is a big place though. I guess it could be like that some places. We are in Westover area. Most of the kids walk to and from school and they walk alone and no one thinks twice. It's very un helicoptery. I think that's why people choose to live where we do actually.

I have never done my kids homework and it's never once crossed my mind to do it for them. I don't call the teachers about much of anything really let alone a grade. No one I know does these things.

Yes, if you end up in Fairfax, avoid the AAP center schools if you want to stay away from the competitiveness.

We lived in Arlington before Fairfax, and the competitiveness manifests itself in different ways. Lots of White women who are very competitive, but regularly put down "Tiger moms" - in other words, it's precisely because they are competitive by nature that they cannot stand the thought of their kids being out-performed by Asian kids. And don't get me started on the lacrosse dads in the Yorktown area living vicariously through their kids.

If you want less competitive in Arlington, you want further south.

Agree with this. While 22207 isn’t what OP describes, it’s probably not what she’s looking for. Go to South Arlington.

[Anonymous]

ntek87ntek wrote:I'm new to the DMV area with a new baby and I am looking to AVOID as much as possible having my kid grow up in an area full of high pressure helicopter parents.

I'm talking about Karens will call CPS on me for letting my kid walk to school, parents who will judge me for not doing my kid's homework for them, teachers who have burnout and PTSD from parents who call them to complain when their kid doesn't get a good enough grade. You all know exactly what I mean.

Are there particular neighborhoods or school districts that are notorious for this? Or is it less a question of geography and more of social class, i.e. any area in the DMV with white collar, college educated, upper middle class parents will be plagued by this?

I know I'm going off-topic, but why would parents judge you for not doing your kids' homework? Who would parents judge you for doing your kids' homework? And how would anyone besides the teacher even know or suspect? All teachers are different in the amount and reasonableness of the work they assign, all students are different in terms of what they can handle.

There have been years where I do a significant part of the homework because the load was just too much, and years where I made them do 99% of it themselves because the load was reasonable for them. Especially in elementary, the social studies projects were ridiculously involved and tedious, but the math was too light, so I did most of the work on the social studies projects while giving them extra math. None of my kids' classmates' parents were privy to any of this, and if they somehow knew about it, I could not care less if they judged me for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a "W school" middle for one year and it was a miserable experience (Robert Frost feeding to Wooton). I moved there from an easygoing but good California school district. And this was before the "W school" phenomenon really took off.

Some things I learned in one year that impacted me for life:

-Learning about the Johns Hopkins Gifted & Talented Search/program. (I got an award for a high SAT verbal score as a 7th grader.) This national program still exists but after we left Maryland, I've never been in a district that promotes it.

-Falling behind in math because MCPS was ahead on pushing their "gifted kids". Had to drop back a grade in math which resulted in me not getting to calculus in high school. Which by DCUM standards, makes me a dumb kid, never minding the verbal SAT score. There were no AoPS, RSM, Mathnasium, or Kumon then. At that time, you either got it or you didn't. In today's MCPS, my parents undoubtedly would have gotten me tutoring to keep up.

-The importance of branded clothes. And living in Potomac. I went from a nobody cares region of the US straight into a land of Jordache, Calvin Klein, Nike, Adidas worship. Also there was a lot of explicit info communicated about how cool/important it was to live in Potomac. At the time, my house was considered to be in Gaithersburg. Today's real estate business has upgraded my old neighborhood to North Potomac. So that's still a thing.

-Nasty, status-conscious people are a drag to be around. I got menaced by a group of girls I barely knew in an outdoor gym class one day. The ringleader was an affluent girl I barely knew. (We were all white, and mostly DCUM MC, with a sprinkle of Potomac DCUM UMC then.) She and her friends singled me out and started saying offensive things to me. I called one of them a bad name because they wouldn't leave me alone and she punched me in the jaw, hard. Two of them got suspended. It's the only violence I was ever subjected to in school - and ironically we were all white kids who were in a "safe" and "good" school.

So basically my 1.25 years in MCPS, gave me a grounding in SAT score snobbery, competition based on accelerated math training, real estate location importance, focus on status goods, and exposure to "Mean Girls". Quite a lot of indoctrination for such a short period of time.

I was really happy to leave that "W" middle when my dad found a job in PA after about a year. (He also had culture shock moving from CA to MD.)

I later worked in DC after college for 7 years, but when the time came to raise a family, I decided to GTFO. Too expensive, too much of a ratrace. I lived in a different "W school" neighborhood during that entire post-college time. (Walter Johnson).

OP- It's smart to think about where you want to live now, based on social characteristics, but honestly a lot of people reposition at some point K-12 anyway. I do think that perhaps I could have stretched my real estate budget to be house poor for awhile in the DMV or even where I live now. But still the "W school" approach to life is still too much for me. There was even a book about stressed-out Whitman kids a few years back.

I wouldn't recommend buying a house just hoping to find others who shared my philosophies. Outlier families tend to check out - disappear from PTA, etc. From what I read on this board now, I'm not sure where I'd head - maybe look inbounds for Richard Montgomery IB? Maybe Kensington? Maybe the unprestigious hinterlands past "North Potomac"? DC was too dangerous in the affordable areas when I lived there. I might have considered being a gentrifier back in the day.

Good for you to be thinking carefully about this now. I hope you find what you want for you and your family. I have, just in flyover country. Where I live now is a lot like old Bethesda before the high-rise/corporate office feel took over downtown.

haha.. I'm originally from CA. There are pressure cooker schools there, too.

We actually live in the Richard Montgomery cluster now. One DC went to RMIB magnet, but they didn't feel any "pressure". Just a lot of work. My other DC is not in the IB magnet program but is taking AP classes.

Having stated that, I do think this entire area is full of high achievers, and it does typically follow income and education level. Of course, there are pockets of areas that don't care that much about T50 college, but those areas are probably not in the UMC/wealthy areas.

My spouse and I joke that we should've moved to the middle of KS or something to avoid such a large high achieving peer group.

Would have had to stay away from the parts of Kansas that are richer and more high achieving than many DC suburbs then. Believe it or not the midwest isn't just flyover country.

+1 people have no idea what it's like out there. LOL at this poster thinking Kansas is a bunch of farmers. Anywhere there is a university there is a big group of competitive high achiever professor kids at the very least, but it also includes all the doctor and lawyer kids in town too. Yes, even Kansas has doctors and lawyers.

Oh please; Kansas?

They might not all be dumb farmers but they are all MAGA, and therefore really stupid by definition.

The governor of Kansas is a Democrat.

The median income in, say, Mission Hills, KS is $250,000.

I know, right? That poster is an idiot with the flyover comments. Rich kids in rich suburbs and small university towns anywhere are running circles around middle class urban kids. People in a bubble have no idea what they're up against in elite college admissions.

[Anonymous]

We are at Hardy MS and really happy there - however, there will always be those folks that you speak of. I find it to be less so at Hardy. I don’t think you can avoid it in NW DC completely, even in the more “laid back” sections and school feeders, but it definitely seems to be more chill in public (no surprise there). Probably best to listen to the folks who are further out from DC.

[Anonymous]

Toxic achievement culture is the worst in McLean, Falls Church, Great Falls, and Annandale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in Kensington and I think many people here are able to strike a nice balance.

This is my experience in Kensington as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only speak to Northern Virginia.

I think the parents most like this end up in FCPS because of the AAP option.

We are in Arlington and it's not like what you describe at all. Arlington is a big place though. I guess it could be like that some places. We are in Westover area. Most of the kids walk to and from school and they walk alone and no one thinks twice. It's very un helicoptery. I think that's why people choose to live where we do actually.

I have never done my kids homework and it's never once crossed my mind to do it for them. I don't call the teachers about much of anything really let alone a grade. No one I know does these things.

+1 I also live in 22205 not far from Westover and while most parents are involved, it doesn’t really feel competitive the way my friends who live in Fairfax describe trying to get into the AAP centers. I am so glad my kids just go to neighborhood schools, which prioritize walk zones so no one is calling the cops on a kid walking to school. Elementary schools don’t assign HW. Families around us are more into having their kids in tons of extracurriculars and travel sports than calling up teachers to cry over a grade. Take that for what you will, but we are overall happy here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've found parents in South Arlington to be pretty level headed in general. Definitely on the lower end of helicopter parenting and competitiveness.

Same for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only speak to Northern Virginia.

I think the parents most like this end up in FCPS because of the AAP option.

We are in Arlington and it's not like what you describe at all. Arlington is a big place though. I guess it could be like that some places. We are in Westover area. Most of the kids walk to and from school and they walk alone and no one thinks twice. It's very un helicoptery. I think that's why people choose to live where we do actually.

I have never done my kids homework and it's never once crossed my mind to do it for them. I don't call the teachers about much of anything really let alone a grade. No one I know does these things.

+1 I also live in 22205 not far from Westover and while most parents are involved, it doesn’t really feel competitive the way my friends who live in Fairfax describe trying to get into the AAP centers. I am so glad my kids just go to neighborhood schools, which prioritize walk zones so no one is calling the cops on a kid walking to school. Elementary schools don’t assign HW. Families around us are more into having their kids in tons of extracurriculars and travel sports than calling up teachers to cry over a grade. Take that for what you will, but we are overall happy here

Homework is so harmful to equity in our schools.

it is a good thing they eliminated it at least in elementary.

[Anonymous]

ntek87ntek wrote:I'm new to the DMV area with a new baby and I am looking to AVOID as much as possible having my kid grow up in an area full of high pressure helicopter parents.

I'm talking about Karens will call CPS on me for letting my kid walk to school, parents who will judge me for not doing my kid's homework for them, teachers who have burnout and PTSD from parents who call them to complain when their kid doesn't get a good enough grade. You all know exactly what I mean.

Are there particular neighborhoods or school districts that are notorious for this? Or is it less a question of geography and more of social class, i.e. any area in the DMV with white collar, college educated, upper middle class parents will be plagued by this?

Just move where you want and try to stop judging everyone else. I’d be turned off by constant crowing about how superior you are for letting your kids do something normal like walk to school. Chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only speak to Northern Virginia.

I think the parents most like this end up in FCPS because of the AAP option.

We are in Arlington and it's not like what you describe at all. Arlington is a big place though. I guess it could be like that some places. We are in Westover area. Most of the kids walk to and from school and they walk alone and no one thinks twice. It's very un helicoptery. I think that's why people choose to live where we do actually.

I have never done my kids homework and it's never once crossed my mind to do it for them. I don't call the teachers about much of anything really let alone a grade. No one I know does these things.

+1 I also live in 22205 not far from Westover and while most parents are involved, it doesn’t really feel competitive the way my friends who live in Fairfax describe trying to get into the AAP centers. I am so glad my kids just go to neighborhood schools, which prioritize walk zones so no one is calling the cops on a kid walking to school. Elementary schools don’t assign HW. Families around us are more into having their kids in tons of extracurriculars and travel sports than calling up teachers to cry over a grade. Take that for what you will, but we are overall happy here

Homework is so harmful to equity in our schools.

it is a good thing they eliminated it at least in elementary.

wut?