What neighborhoods/school districts are the worst when it comes to high pressure helicopter parenting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a "W school" middle for one year and it was a miserable experience (Robert Frost feeding to Wooton). I moved there from an easygoing but good California school district. And this was before the "W school" phenomenon really took off.

Some things I learned in one year that impacted me for life:

-Learning about the Johns Hopkins Gifted & Talented Search/program. (I got an award for a high SAT verbal score as a 7th grader.) This national program still exists but after we left Maryland, I've never been in a district that promotes it.

-Falling behind in math because MCPS was ahead on pushing their "gifted kids". Had to drop back a grade in math which resulted in me not getting to calculus in high school. Which by DCUM standards, makes me a dumb kid, never minding the verbal SAT score. There were no AoPS, RSM, Mathnasium, or Kumon then. At that time, you either got it or you didn't. In today's MCPS, my parents undoubtedly would have gotten me tutoring to keep up.

-The importance of branded clothes. And living in Potomac. I went from a nobody cares region of the US straight into a land of Jordache, Calvin Klein, Nike, Adidas worship. Also there was a lot of explicit info communicated about how cool/important it was to live in Potomac. At the time, my house was considered to be in Gaithersburg. Today's real estate business has upgraded my old neighborhood to North Potomac. So that's still a thing.

-Nasty, status-conscious people are a drag to be around. I got menaced by a group of girls I barely knew in an outdoor gym class one day. The ringleader was an affluent girl I barely knew. (We were all white, and mostly DCUM MC, with a sprinkle of Potomac DCUM UMC then.) She and her friends singled me out and started saying offensive things to me. I called one of them a bad name because they wouldn't leave me alone and she punched me in the jaw, hard. Two of them got suspended. It's the only violence I was ever subjected to in school - and ironically we were all white kids who were in a "safe" and "good" school.

So basically my 1.25 years in MCPS, gave me a grounding in SAT score snobbery, competition based on accelerated math training, real estate location importance, focus on status goods, and exposure to "Mean Girls". Quite a lot of indoctrination for such a short period of time.

I was really happy to leave that "W" middle when my dad found a job in PA after about a year. (He also had culture shock moving from CA to MD.)

I later worked in DC after college for 7 years, but when the time came to raise a family, I decided to GTFO. Too expensive, too much of a ratrace. I lived in a different "W school" neighborhood during that entire post-college time. (Walter Johnson).

OP- It's smart to think about where you want to live now, based on social characteristics, but honestly a lot of people reposition at some point K-12 anyway. I do think that perhaps I could have stretched my real estate budget to be house poor for awhile in the DMV or even where I live now. But still the "W school" approach to life is still too much for me. There was even a book about stressed-out Whitman kids a few years back.

I wouldn't recommend buying a house just hoping to find others who shared my philosophies. Outlier families tend to check out - disappear from PTA, etc. From what I read on this board now, I'm not sure where I'd head - maybe look inbounds for Richard Montgomery IB? Maybe Kensington? Maybe the unprestigious hinterlands past "North Potomac"? DC was too dangerous in the affordable areas when I lived there. I might have considered being a gentrifier back in the day.

Good for you to be thinking carefully about this now. I hope you find what you want for you and your family. I have, just in flyover country. Where I live now is a lot like old Bethesda before the high-rise/corporate office feel took over downtown.

This is too bad and not my experience with MCPS. But I grew up in Takoma Park— not Potomac or “North Potomac” (name change will never not be funny to me). We made fun of the snobs at the W schools. (I know there’s plenty to make fun of regarding Takoma Park.) I had a fantastic experience and education at Blair. I’d say Silver Spring fits the bill for OP but there are crazy people everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The richest ones

X100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve lived in 2 upper NW DC neighborhoods with kids. They are both like this. Anything that feeds into Deal MS is as OP describes.

Can’t speak for MD and VA.

I live in an Upper NW neighborhood that feeds into Deal and I haven't come across anything like OP describes. I'm sure that there were some like that at my kid's ES and at Deal but I just did my own thing and met other parents who were friendly, down to earth, and chill. I think PPs are correct in look to find a place that you like, and then find the people who share similar values. The DMV does have a lot of type-A, super ambitious people who live here, but that doesn't mean everyone is like that. You don't have to enter the kid rat race if you don't want to; it's not mandatory.

[Anonymous]

Most helicopter parents are worried about keeping their own kids on track and don’t really have opinions on what you do. They don’t care if your kid did his homework, they care about theirs. They don’t care if you walk your kid to school, they just ensure they supervise theirs. The ones you should be worried about are the competitive parents. They’re at Whitman and Wootton.

[Anonymous]

We live in 20906, not the richest area of MoCo, and have no problems like the ones you list OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most helicopter parents are worried about keeping their own kids on track and don’t really have opinions on what you do. They don’t care if your kid did his homework, they care about theirs. They don’t care if you walk your kid to school, they just ensure they supervise theirs. The ones you should be worried about are the competitive parents. They’re at Whitman and Wootton.

That’s true about helicopter parents but their intense competitiveness sucks the air out of the room. They are annoying to be around. I don’t blame OP for not wanting to be in an area full of them.

[Anonymous]

avoid lcps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in 20906, not the richest area of MoCo, and have no problems like the ones you list OP.

+1

20906 is not snobby. Some of the nicest people who are very neighborly while keeping a live and let live attitude. Also very diverse age/income/ethnicity mix that feels natural and not balkanized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:avoid lcps

I was actually going to say consider western Loudoun if it’s not too far out for you (Purcellville, Round Hill, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you may like Burke or Springfield. Alexandria is ok too but then you have other problems.

I was thinking Burke/Springfield as well. It’s what counts as middle class around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The richest ones

+1, and then you have a different brand of toxicity where the private school parents subtly (or not so subtly) disparage the public schools, even if they are good. It's very hard for successful professionals to have a "live and let live" attitude, especially about their kids-- they need to be winning.

In this area I really feel like it's a "pick your poison" situation. Don't want the private-school-obsessed snobbery of McLean or parts of MoCo and upper NW? Well enjoy the obsessively competitive intensity of parents in the W schools, or the holier-than-thou condescension of Takoma Park parents who think your school is fine but you are a fundamentally bad person if you don't compost. Or the Capital Hill folks who think they are geniuses for buying a million dollar row house with a good elementary, and then will be enraged when the spot at Latin or Basis or Walls to which they felt entitled does not materialize.

There are a lot of annoying people here. There are also great, sane, level headed people in every one of the neighborhoods I just mentioned. You have to be able to ignore the annoying people and just go your thing. Otherwise, guess what? YOU are the problem, too.

These are all exaggerated stereotypes by someone who is probably too sensitive. Yes, people here are competitive, but most are also just generally nice people living theirs lives. And I can't imagine anyone calling CPS because you let your kid walk to school, lol - get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The richest ones

+1, and then you have a different brand of toxicity where the private school parents subtly (or not so subtly) disparage the public schools, even if they are good. It's very hard for successful professionals to have a "live and let live" attitude, especially about their kids-- they need to be winning.

In this area I really feel like it's a "pick your poison" situation. Don't want the private-school-obsessed snobbery of McLean or parts of MoCo and upper NW? Well enjoy the obsessively competitive intensity of parents in the W schools, or the holier-than-thou condescension of Takoma Park parents who think your school is fine but you are a fundamentally bad person if you don't compost. Or the Capital Hill folks who think they are geniuses for buying a million dollar row house with a good elementary, and then will be enraged when the spot at Latin or Basis or Walls to which they felt entitled does not materialize.

There are a lot of annoying people here. There are also great, sane, level headed people in every one of the neighborhoods I just mentioned. You have to be able to ignore the annoying people and just go your thing. Otherwise, guess what? YOU are the problem, too.

These are all exaggerated stereotypes by someone who is probably too sensitive. Yes, people here are competitive, but most are also just generally nice people living theirs lives. And I can't imagine anyone calling CPS because you let your kid walk to school, lol - get over yourself.

Yes, but the OP is ironically just as full of judgement.

[Anonymous]

OP-here is what I figured out by living in Vienna-it's about how inner circle more than the neighborhood. My kids are in AAP (the GT program in FCPS) and even within the program, there is a range of parents and kids. It just takes a conscious effort to not buy into the madness. Yes peers are important but I've noticed that the uber stressed out kids crying about an A-/getting into Algebra/TJ usually have intense parents.

[Anonymous]

ntek87ntek wrote:I'm new to the DMV area with a new baby and I am looking to AVOID as much as possible having my kid grow up in an area full of high pressure helicopter parents.

I'm talking about Karens will call CPS on me for letting my kid walk to school, parents who will judge me for not doing my kid's homework for them, teachers who have burnout and PTSD from parents who call them to complain when their kid doesn't get a good enough grade. You all know exactly what I mean.

Are there particular neighborhoods or school districts that are notorious for this? Or is it less a question of geography and more of social class, i.e. any area in the DMV with white collar, college educated, upper middle class parents will be plagued by this?

Contrary to what people here think, I experienced very little of that while raising my children in the McLean HS district. I don’t know of anyone who had CPS called on them and man6 kids walk to school. The Karens are easy to avoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this is pretty common even in the middle-of-the-pack neighborhoods. We're in Annandale outside of the beltway and there is plenty of helicoptering. There are also plenty of more chill parents, and kids do walk and bike to school. I think you and your kids will find their way to families more like yours mainly because you will be judged unworthy by the strivers. But it will take time.

Also live in Annandale outside the Beltway and you and I must define helicoptering differently, or we're at different schools. I know 2nd graders who walk to and from school alone (K is the only grade that must be picked up by an adult, per FCPS rules). Pressure to get kids into AAP is entirely peer group dependent. There are some sports strivers, but they don't judge anyone who is not like them - as a PP said they are too busy with what they are already doing. Same with music. The few families that are on an intense track don't care that my kids aren't. They care that their own kids are excelling. I'm sure our school has some obnoxious parents, but teacher turnover doesn't seem excessively high.