What does "single Mom" mean?

[Anonymous]

I always thought "single mom" meant a woman who has kid(s) but the father is completely out of the picture. She is 100% responsible for the kids, no custody with the father, etc.
But I've seen women on here and other sites refer to themselves as single moms, but then mention the kids going to be with their fathers. So does the term single mom actually mean divorced/seperated/single Mom, but not necessarily without help?

Genuinely curious because I may have been wrong my whole life!

[Anonymous]

I've always thought of single moms as people who are completely on their own taking care of their kids, so the father is totally out of the picture (no child support, no joint custody, etc).

[Anonymous]

Some divorced moms with custody arrangements have less responsibility after the divorce. I really don't consider you a single mon if you are guaranteed 3 to 4 days off each week.

[Anonymous]

Mothers without partners. Some have zero involvement with their children's father, some have a lot.

[Anonymous]

Interesting, actually. I always thought of it as mothers who have total financial and logistical responsibility for the kids (no shared custody etc). Seems some disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I always thought of it as mothers who have total financial and logistical responsibility for the kids (no shared custody etc).

Same. When I think of it, father may be in the picture some, but isn't contributing much or actually parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting, actually. I always thought of it as mothers who have total financial and logistical responsibility for the kids (no shared custody etc). Seems some disagree.

As a single parent I agree but I would never call someone out if they wanted to consider themselves a single mother if they had 50-50 custody and received financial support.
I am a member one of those single mothers by choice groups. I do find the name a bit off putting, it is not like single mothers whose husbands left or died (or who became single by some other means they did not choose) don't face similar challenges.

But in the end what is really in a name? We are all in this together right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting, actually. I always thought of it as mothers who have total financial and logistical responsibility for the kids (no shared custody etc). Seems some disagree.

+1. I'm a single mom with an acquaintance who has primary, but shared, custody and considers herself a single mom. I strongly disagree.

[Anonymous]

I think a mother who is not currently with a partner and has at least 50% custody is a single mom. It doesn't mean the father isn't involved or providing child support and may even have the kids half the time. She's single, and she's a mother. If she has a live-in partner, she's no longer single.

[Anonymous]

Don't care about the parameters of Single Momdom but am disturbed that people are actually fighting over it like a badge of honor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a mother who is not currently with a partner and has at least 50% custody is a single mom. It doesn't mean the father isn't involved or providing child support and may even have the kids half the time. She's single, and she's a mother. If she has a live-in partner, she's no longer single.

So if she has a serious boyfriend, she is a single mom? If they live together, she's not? I don't think it's that clear.

[Anonymous]

I do not think of "single mom" (or "single dad") as someone who has a relatively involved other parent or partner, though they are divorced/separated.

Widowed, adoptive parent, or separated/divorced with the other parent virtually completely out of the picture? That's a single parent.

[Anonymous]

I thought single moms are women who are raising kids on their own, some fully providing all financial needs and other needs, some sharing this responsibility after a divorce or with a father of a child. As in, divorced and single mom, I never thought it had to mean fully financially supporting their kids. So, basically a single woman who has kids. There might be an ex who helps with cost and care, she is still single mom in my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I always thought of it as mothers who have total financial and logistical responsibility for the kids (no shared custody etc).

Same. When I think of it, father may be in the picture some, but isn't contributing much or actually parenting.

Same. My friend is divorced and her ex is local and sees the child once a week for an hour or so, but not on his own. Possibly he contributes a bit of money but basically he does absolutely nothing of substance. Doesn't even know how to change a diaper or what the kid eats or likes. She takes every sick day, doctor's appointment, makes all decisions, etc. To me, that is single parenting. (And I always feel a combination of awe and pity because DH and I split everything just about 50-50 and it's still completely exhausting. Can't imagine doing it all myself on top of holding down a job.)

[Anonymous]

There are single parents and there are co-parents. The first is 100% solo in all aspects of the child's upbringing. The second has help in some regard.

I'm a single mom and truly don't care what people call themselves. I've got enough to be concerned about and balance than to care if Layla's mom, who has every Thursday and every other weekend off plus two weeks every year without her child, calls herself a single mom.