Is this an unreasonable ask for a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

I started staying home 15 months ago when DS was born. Prior to that, I was pretty ok at earning and made $106/yr and my husband made the same. We moved (which is why I SAH) and I'm looking for a new job. In the interim, I've requested $300/wk from DH. $100 for groceries, $60 for house cleaner (DH does literally no housework), $40 for babysitter (our sitter charges $10/hr) and $100 discretionary. I should note that we are in a low cost of living area and have almost no other expenses or debt.

[Anonymous]

Well, I wouldn't stay home if I had to ask for money from my husband. That would seem to introduce a weird power imbalance. But no, $300/week for everything including groceries seems to be pretty bare bones.

[Anonymous]

SAHP means you take care of the household --- the house itself and the members of it.

Sure if you have it, a house cleaner is nice but otherwise it's on you. And the babysitting money should come out of your discretionary $100. You're responsible for the care of the household members. If you choose to outsource that for a few hours, that's fine but it comes out of "your" money.

Also a good home economist should be able to feed a family of 2 adults and a toddler on less than $100/week.

[Anonymous]

I sure do hope you're a troll. In fact I definitely think you're a troll. Did you never discuss this with your DH prior to your decision?

I'm a SAHM, have never had to ask for money. Ever. You're in a marriage together and the bank account should be joint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHP means you take care of the household --- the house itself and the members of it.

Sure if you have it, a house cleaner is nice but otherwise it's on you. And the babysitting money should come out of your discretionary $100. You're responsible for the care of the household members. If you choose to outsource that for a few hours, that's fine but it comes out of "your" money.

Also a good home economist should be able to feed a family of 2 adults and a toddler on less than $100/week.

Ok then...groceries $100 and discretionary $200

[Anonymous]

Once you stop working all money should be joint and you should not have to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sure do hope you're a troll. In fact I definitely think you're a troll. Did you never discuss this with your DH prior to your decision?

I'm a SAHM, have never had to ask for money. Ever. You're in a marriage together and the bank account should be joint.

+1. When I was a SAHM I just managed the household and used money as needed (DH and I are both generally frugal and trust each other). The only friend I know who had this kind of SAHM "allowance" relationship is now divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sure do hope you're a troll. In fact I definitely think you're a troll. Did you never discuss this with your DH prior to your decision?

I'm a SAHM, have never had to ask for money. Ever. You're in a marriage together and the bank account should be joint.

I wish I was a troll. The reality is I got married and had a kid late in life. We've only been married 6 years, and I was pretty much set in my dis axial ways and so was he. We created some joint saving goals (kid college, house, retirement etc) and the rest was our own money to do as we liked. Since we were making the same it was no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sure do hope you're a troll. In fact I definitely think you're a troll. Did you never discuss this with your DH prior to your decision?

I'm a SAHM, have never had to ask for money. Ever. You're in a marriage together and the bank account should be joint.

Fellow SAHM here. You guys should create a budget together. I couldn't imagine being in a position where I had to ask dh for some sort of weekly allowance.

[Anonymous]

ITA with these PPs - when I stayed at home, i did the cooking, cleaning, childcare, and spent funds from the joint account. WTF OP? Now that I am working outside the home, I purposely took a job with much less responsibility and hours than DH so I can maintain the household w/out outsourcing. I would rather do the work myself and build our own coffers, rather than those of hired help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sure do hope you're a troll. In fact I definitely think you're a troll. Did you never discuss this with your DH prior to your decision?

I'm a SAHM, have never had to ask for money. Ever. You're in a marriage together and the bank account should be joint.

Fellow SAHM here. You guys should create a budget together. I couldn't imagine being in a position where I had to ask dh for some sort of weekly allowance.

Isn't an allowance just sort of the end game of the budget?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sure do hope you're a troll. In fact I definitely think you're a troll. Did you never discuss this with your DH prior to your decision?

I'm a SAHM, have never had to ask for money. Ever. You're in a marriage together and the bank account should be joint.

I wish I was a troll. The reality is I got married and had a kid late in life. We've only been married 6 years, and I was pretty much set in my dis axial ways and so was he. We created some joint saving goals (kid college, house, retirement etc) and the rest was our own money to do as we liked. Since we were making the same it was no big deal.

Go take a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class together. You are not "less than" because you're not bringing in a paycheck anymore. Dave really has a "team" view of marriage and finances, and it sounds like you're struggling to find the new balance in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sure do hope you're a troll. In fact I definitely think you're a troll. Did you never discuss this with your DH prior to your decision?

I'm a SAHM, have never had to ask for money. Ever. You're in a marriage together and the bank account should be joint.

Fellow SAHM here. You guys should create a budget together. I couldn't imagine being in a position where I had to ask dh for some sort of weekly allowance.

Isn't an allowance just sort of the end game of the budget?

Each of you can have an "allowance" for personal/discretionary, but you don't have to "ask" for it. Any more than he has to "ask" for money to pay the mortgage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ITA with these PPs - when I stayed at home, i did the cooking, cleaning, childcare, and spent funds from the joint account. WTF OP? Now that I am working outside the home, I purposely took a job with much less responsibility and hours than DH so I can maintain the household w/out outsourcing. I would rather do the work myself and build our own coffers, rather than those of hired help.

I don't really care about your take on outsourcing, not to be rude, but DH does almost nothing wrt childcare and housework, and SAHM doesn't mean 24/7 on call. I know I need a few hours per week to go to the gym and have a little adult time, and I know I want to spend the weekends doing stuff with our kid and not cleaning the bathroom and mopping floors.

[Anonymous]

Given that this is at least the second thread in a month about a SAHM asking her husband for an allowance, I'm compelled to ask how that works. Do you not have access to a mutual bank account?

In my marriage, and I would think most others, we're a team of equals. It's a team bank account, team decisions on major financial issues, etc. When someone on the team makes money, it goes into the account. When someone on the team needs money s/he takes it out.

I couldn't be in a situation where someone else controls the purse strings and I had to request money from them like a kid. Being a sahp does not make a person a lesser member of the team.

Are you really ok with that?