Mom Cliques. I had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:36 pages because adults have friends and don’t invite the whole class to their birthday party?

I don’t understand how a group of people OP knows getting together socially without inviting her makes it a clique. A clique would be if they stood in a circle at the bus stop and excluded OP by ignoring her or if they all openly make plans together at the bus stop and purposely don’t include OP.

+1

Stay in your lane, OP. Lest you get run over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:36 pages because adults have friends and don’t invite the whole class to their birthday party?

I don’t understand how a group of people OP knows getting together socially without inviting her makes it a clique. A clique would be if they stood in a circle at the bus stop and excluded OP by ignoring her or if they all openly make plans together at the bus stop and purposely don’t include OP.

+1

Stay in your lane, OP. Lest you get run over.

This is a completely stable response

[Anonymous]

Potatoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Potatoes.

+1!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Potatoes.

+1!

Indeed. Eagle snafu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between a group of friends who have children at the same elementary school and a clique?

Our neighbors just had a discussion about this because we have 11 families with a total of 28 kids on our block that all have kids at the elementary school. (6 families have kids in the 3rd grade!). We see each other daily, walking to and from school and hanging out on the block while kids ride bikes and play. Naturally, happy hours and dinners and excursions get planned and birthdays get celebrated. We plan Ladies Nights a few times a year where the mom's go out to dinner. A parent of a child who doesn't live in our neighborhood made a (seemingly) passive aggressive comment about our "exclusive neighborhood clique" at a soccer game. We were all genuinely baffled and it sparked an interesting conversation. We feel that it is just proximity and genuinely enjoying our neighborhood but where do you draw the line? You can't possibly invite every mom at the school to every social gathering??

Neighborhood cliques tend to end badly. You would be wise to broaden your aspects for friendship outside of your block. I live in a neighborhood which used to known in our elementary school for all “the moms”. Guess what, nothing good lasts forever and half of the families don’t speak anymore. Find friends elsewhere. There are countless threads on DCUM about neighborhood cliques going bad.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Regardless of what the full details of the scenario actually were, it boils down to this:

If your first reaction was judgment rather than empathy, or at least sympathy, you are a part of the "Mean Girl" stereotype.

I understand that some PPs were rude in their delivery, but why wouldn't it make OP feel BETTER, not worse, to know that the majority of those hearing about this encounter, including Jeff, do NOT think these women were a clique, mean, or exclusionary?

But a few were really rabid about it, created massive analyses about OP’s character and experience.

Probably because of OP’s delivery! LMAO! They felt soo awkward about it! Bus stop will be INTERESTING! Emoji!
Why so brash? And how can OP know how they felt? What sane person would text a follow up?

I mean, I hope OP is trolling, or maybe had the experience but is being tongue in cheek, but ugh.

The irony of you drawing all kinds of conclusions about OP based on word choice in a brief DCUM post, but then claiming that OP could not possibly intuit whether there was an awkward vibe based on an in person interaction with women she knows/has met before. You and so many others are acting like you know everything about OP's character based on a few posts here, but when she says "they looked uber awkward" you're freaking out and saying she couldn't possibly KNOW that and what is her evidence.

No. I'm permitted to bring both common sense and my life experiences to interpret OP's or any other post. All signs point to OP being socially inept and immature and her therefore misinterpreting the situation and/or creating the awkwardness herself.

(Also, even if there was some palpable awkwardness it still does not mean these women are a clique or that OP was excluded.)

You are filtering very little info through your own biases. And if you are defending being unkind on the internet and tearing down OP because you deem her immature or socially inept, well, perhaps you should look in the mirror. Mean and immature on your part.

DP. I’ve read and reread the OP at least 5 times now, trying really hard to understand what some of you are trying to defend, and each time she sounds worse and worse. She might be a lovely person in real life and is just not good at relaying a story, but as far as this thread goes, her choice of words just don’t make a great case for her. If that makes me mean and immature, so be it.

We aren't trying to "defend" OP so much as ask that if you have helpful advice for someone you think is struggling socially, why can you not relay that in a kinder manner. Some of the posts on this thread are harsh and unnecessary. Just because it's anonymous you unload?

And some of you are really making some assumptions that seem...overstepping. That is all.

But OP didn’t ask for advice. She came out swinging, with that stupid green emoji and ALL CAPS and four ????s in a row. If the responses seemed harsh, they were just responding in kind.

Absolutely not. Swinging? More like joking. And if she didn't ask for advice, and rather to share stories, why are you handing down the tough love BS?

Give me a break. Whatever you think the OP is, you are worse.

Oh. Well, I don’t think she’s funny. And her story was weak. If I’m worse, so be it. I won’t be meeting any of you for lunch anytime soon.

Thank God.

+1

[Anonymous]

Ugh, anyone who needs alcohol to be a parent is probably not worth your time.

[Anonymous]

Anyone drinking at noon on a school day is kind of a loser anyway. Move on op. Not your circus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone drinking at noon on a school day is kind of a loser anyway. Move on op. Not your circus.

Pssst OP was there too. She’s not a teetotaler.

[Anonymous]

Since it's been asked on this thread several times, I thought I'd take a stab at answering: what is the difference between a "clique" and just a friend group getting together.

I think the difference is in how you treat outsiders, and especially how you behave in front of them. That's what makes some groups feel exclusive and clique-y, and others not.

OP didn't describe anything I would consider clique behavior. I can see how it would be awkward to discover these women had a friend group she wasn't part of, but that does not by itself make it a clique. It's just some women who are friends getting together and OP just happened to run into them. I guess they looked awkward and didn't ask her to join? But maybe they did and OP didn't share that part. It's just not clear they did anything to make her feel exclusive beyond just getting together.

BUT I have absolutely encountered clique-ish behavior from other moms. It's stuff like:

- Making a big show of your friendship at events within the larger community, like making a big show of greeting each other and only speaking to one another at school drop off or a school event

- Being gossipy generally, but especially if you are in the habit of spreading gossip about people outside the group. Also just engaging in negative commentary about people outside the group when you are together. It's toxic.

- Forcing your friend group on your kids, and discouraging friendships between your kids and people outside your group. This one is so mean! These are children and it just teaches the kids to be exclusive too.

Those are the big ones I've seen. But OP doesn't really describe this, I think she was just bummed to realize that her friends had another group and she wasn't a part of it. That can be hard, but isn't a clique.

[Anonymous]

Wow. One of you actually asked.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1201926.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So a bunch of friends got together for apps on a Friday? Did you expect them to invite the whole school? Are they not allowed to meet up? Not allowed to have a social life outside of the bus stop?

How. Dare. They.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Ran into about 15 or so moms from our elementary school having wine and apps at a local winery on Friday around noon. I was like WHAT???? I didn’t realize mom cliques are still a thing. They felt uber uncomfortable seeing me there. I texted one of the mom’s later and said I didn’t realize there was an invite only Friday gatherings. Bus stop interactions will be interesting on Monday! LMAO! Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM.

I feel bad for this poster. You all assume she's some weird outsider and not legitimately friends with these people. Kind of proves the clique point, tbh. Clearly this isn't some random acquaintances - perhaps the poster has been supportive of them in the past. Yeah, so that would hurt anyone who isn't a stepford robot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Neighborhood cliques tend to end badly. You would be wise to broaden your aspects for friendship outside of your block. I live in a neighborhood which used to known in our elementary school for all “the moms”. Guess what, nothing good lasts forever and half of the families don’t speak anymore. Find friends elsewhere. There are countless threads on DCUM about neighborhood cliques going bad.

I cannot emphasize this post enough. A decade ago, when I lived closer to the beltway, I was in a neighborhood moms group that went so off the rails. Affairs, bullies, and the kids were problematic too. I live by the motto, we don't always have to hang out because we're in close proximity.

Not to mention there's always some ring leader who has a need for constant control and validation.