Social/career implications of buying a beach house for SAHM

[Anonymous]

I thought this thread would be better suited to off topic than real estate because it's not about the real estate aspects of buying a beach house, but more the social/career implications of buying one.

We would like to buy a beach house. I'm a SAHM and we have 2 kids, ages 2 years old and 4 months. My husband works very long hours in a demanding job and I am alone most of the time, including one night of work travel per week and 1-2 weekends per month when he is working. We have no local family and family is very far away. I feel lonely and bored most of the time being a SAHM, but it's the best thing for our family, both now and long-term given my husband's long hours, demanding job and unpredictable work schedule.

It has always been my dream to live on the beach. Every summer for the last 10 years we have vacationed several times at the same beach, and now we can finally afford to purchase a beach house (we have owned our SFH for 8 years). We are going to start looking at beach houses this summer.

But I'm wondering about the social and career implications of buying a beach house. I'm a SAHM who never plans to return to work-full time, however I'd love to work part-time in my old field, when both kids are in preschool and kindergarten, and I wonder how I could work part-time while still making good use of a beach house in the summer.

We would plan for me to be at the beach house a lot in the summer with both kids by myself, and then we'd also go as a family at least one long weekend per month all year round. My husband gets 6 weeks of vacation per year, so we'd spend most of those vacation weeks at the beach house together. In the last 10 years, 75% of our vacations have been to this beach, and we always stay in hotels, which run $250-$300 per night in the summer season.

In addition, we hope that the grandparents would each spend a month or so with me and the kids at the beach house each year. We would also spend all holidays there. We would plan to entertain there a lot, both friends and family. I imagine that we'd have wonderful times with family and friends at the beach house and that people would enjoy staying with us there (besides grandparents, extended family is also far away and lives all over the country). We could host family reunions there too.

Socially, I'm wondering how it would feel to be there by myself so much, without any friends or community in this beach town (I assume it would take years to make friends/sense of community given that I wouldn't be there that much). I'm by myself a lot now, but I do have friends in this area, but they all work full-time so I only see them on the weekends. On the other hand, our weekends here are pretty low key and boring--my husband is usually working, most of my mom friends have their own family stuff on the weekends, though we sometimes get together, and we have no local family so we rarely have weekend plans, however, that may change as the kids get older and make their own friends and have sports, etc. I'm sure when they get to be teenagers that they won't want to go there that much, but on the other hand we plan to sell our house when they leave for college and retire to this beach house.

Anyhow, I'm trying to think about the pros and cons of us buying a beach house given where I'm at socially and career-wise. I love the idea of a beach house and have the time to go there a lot, but I'm wondering if I would feel even more lonely there? We'd ideally be looking for a townhouse in a family-friendly community.

[Anonymous]

If it will be your retirement home, do any of your "worries" matter? Go back home if you get too lonely. I've never heard anyone say that they might not buy a beach house because they are worried that they will be lonely there, but you are asking a question that only you can answer. Without knowing anything about where you plan to live, you will probably be able to meet other local moms and kids if you are outgoing and resourceful.

As far as your career goes, can you freelance or work for yourself? Not sure what kind of answer you expect as you already know that most people with a job can't spend the summer at the beach. Get a teaching job?

[Anonymous]

You invite friends with kids. My husband just isn't very social. I have a few mom's invite down for long weekends. Or I go for an week or so and just tell friends it's an open house while I'm there.

The job part though? Yes it will curb your beach time unless you can telework or just work a couple of days a week.

And your kids are young. They will begin to have social lives and activities, too. Those will eat into your beach time.

[Anonymous]

What if you got a job and nanny? Would you be happier?

Sounds like you can afford it, even if the job doesn't pay a ton. And if that didn't work out, you could always buy the beach house in a couple of years.

[Anonymous]

1. Your DH does not have a "demanding" job if he actually takes 6 weeks of vacation a year. Demanding jobs give you unlimited vacation because they know nobody will take any of it.
2. Don't buy a beach house when your kids are under 2. Do you know what happens when they are in elementary school? They spend the entire weekend at games, practices, parties, and events.
3. You aren't going to be able to get a job in a few years and still get a lot of use out of a beach house.
4. Save the money you would have spent. If you are just now "finally" able to afford a beach house, you need to be saving your money rather than spending it.
5. Your friends who are too busy to see you much now because they work full time are not going to spend a lot of time with you at the beach house. They spend their weekends grocery shopping, running errands, and shuttling their kids around.

[Anonymous]

If you're really hot on this plan, try renting a beach house for the entire summer. See how that works out. Staying in hotels seems a waste of money. I agree with other posters that once your children reach school age, you'll be staying in DC most weekends for birthday parties and other activities. Buying a beach house now is a bad idea.

Seems like you're bored and understimulated, and you're just looking for ways to counteract that. (No offense - just being blunt.) Find a hobby.

[Anonymous]

OP, let me save you trouble: you are a SAHM with money. DC is all about competition and comparison, and right now, 99% of the jealous bitches on this site think you are better than them. Get ready for the attacks.

[Anonymous]

I'll chime in since I grew up with a beach house. Growing up we would spend about 2 weeks as a family there in August and then shorter trips here and there throughout the summer. My brother and I played sports and being a competitive swimmer...most of the summer was spent at practice until the end of July. We spent a lot of time there on the weekends in the fall and spring as well. I remember driving down after my brother's Friday night football games. We actually appreciated it much more during our college years. I lived there every summer from the time I was 18 until I was 28 (college, grad school, first several years teaching) working as a beach lifeguard. We lucked out and our street is mostly comprised of families who own their summer houses and don't rent out so there's a real sense of community. We still have many families we are friends with on our street and it was cool to have my "beach" friends and school friends. Honestly, if you can swing it....it's great. Just realize your children's activities will make it a bit difficult to spend an entire summer there.

[Anonymous]

I think you should save your money. A beach house isn't a good investment. Your kids will inherit a fully paid off house one day but you're the one who will have to pay the mortgage and the utilities etc. it isn't worth the hassle.

[Anonymous]

How far away would this beach house be? I think it all sounds lovely in theory, but in practice I'm not sure it would work out the way you think it would. I get this undertone from your post that you feel socially isolated and are hoping (perhaps subconsciously) that having a beach house will draw people to you and give you the social connections you're looking for. Unfortunately I don't think that's how these things usually work out, so while you might end up the exception to that and your beach house would be a wonderful social scene, I don't think that's something you can count on in making this decision.

Perhaps the grandparents would be happy to spend a month there, but I wouldn't assume the rest of the extended family would come all that regularly. People get limited vacation time (your husband it outside the norm with his six weeks that he apparently can actually take in full each year), and they're not going to want to spend all of it, or even a substantial portion of it, with you in this one place year after year. Same goes even moreso for friends, especially as kids get older. It can work well if your children end up being close friends with the children of your close friends, but it typically doesn't work out that way, and then even if the parents want to go, the kids end up bored and resentful, and then the parents feel like they need to find other ways to spend their vacation. You'll also end up with a lot of people who want to come visit and it sounds great, except they're really just using you as a free hotel and won't be looking to socialize much while they're there, and that can suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it will be your retirement home, do any of your "worries" matter? Go back home if you get too lonely. I've never heard anyone say that they might not buy a beach house because they are worried that they will be lonely there, but you are asking a question that only you can answer. Without knowing anything about where you plan to live, you will probably be able to meet other local moms and kids if you are outgoing and resourceful.

As far as your career goes, can you freelance or work for yourself? Not sure what kind of answer you expect as you already know that most people with a job can't spend the summer at the beach. Get a teaching job?

I love how this is just thrown in there . . . "get a teaching job."

b/c it's obviously a joke job for women like OP

[Anonymous]

A townhouse in a family-friendly community? When I think of visiting friends at their beach house, I envision a house right on the beach. If I'm to have to schlep my stuff to a car to drive to the beach (or walk it all for 20 minutes), I'd rather just rent my own house right on the beach for a week and then get together with them for dinner or something.

[Anonymous]

If you want a beach house and can afford it, buy one.

But don't plan out how you are going to spend the next 10 years using it because you really have no idea. As your kids get older, things will change and you will begin to make friends though your kids activities and school. Both you and your kids will not want to miss weekend activities as much in those years.

Make sure you talk to people who own beach houses and what the true costs are in terms of dollars, time, and headaches!

[Anonymous]

I think you are overestimating the amount of time you'll spend there. All holidays? Family reunions? Things change.

[Anonymous]

i would never get a townhouse. I'd get a house on the beach. when kids are in elementary, it will be hard to get away if they play sports. when they are older, they'll want to bring friends - hard to do if it's a townhouse. plus, neighbors. no thanks.