Clueless dad here

[Anonymous]

My wife passed away from cancer a few years ago and its just been me and my daughter. I've been managing pretty well but my girl had her 12th birthday and I have realized things are about to change. She asked me over dinner if we can get her a new bra. To me that has meant a sports bra for athletics when we play sports together. My girl says she wants a pretty one like her friends. I am way too uncomfortable taking her shopping. I also don't want to take anything away from her feeling grown IP or special. With this I also know that periods, boys, puberty are coming. And I feel very unprepared. I have read every book out there. Still in the moment doesn't help. We don't have any close female relatives I could ask.

Honestly I am also a little upset about possibly losing my girl. What if she doesn't want to play sports with me or read the paper anymore. WhT if we grow a part because things change.

Any help greatly appreciated

[Anonymous]

Does she have a best girl friend with a nice mom?

I would ask her to take your daughter under her wing for stuff like bra shopping and how to use feminine hygene products, how to shave legs, etc.

[Anonymous]

If she seems to get interested in clothes, take her to a trendy teen store like forever 21 and ask a sales person to take the lead.

[Anonymous]

That's ridiculous. Teenage girls play sports. Teenage girls read.

My 12 yr old likes Pink (subset of VS) and Aerie for bras and underwear.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, op. My mom got cancer when I was 13, died when I was 18. I have a sense of where you are. I would second seeing if a bff's mom could help with this sort of thing. I'm sure any mom would be honored to help you out.

I assume you've read Motherless Daughters? I found that book in my 20's. It really nailed my experience. Cathartic reading for me in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's ridiculous. Teenage girls play sports. Teenage girls read.

My 12 yr old likes Pink (subset of VS) and Aerie for bras and underwear.

You are mean and not helpful at all.

[Anonymous]

If she has a good friend, ask that mom to take her and give them a credit card with how much they can spend. I would take her if someone asked. She probably needs both sport and nice bras and you will have to keep buying more as develops. You could take her to a store her friends shop at and ask one of the sales women to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's ridiculous. Teenage girls play sports. Teenage girls read.

My 12 yr old likes Pink (subset of VS) and Aerie for bras and underwear.

You are mean and not helpful at all.

Of COURSE the bolded is helpful.

[Anonymous]

Oh op, I'm sorry for your loss but little girls always have a special place in their heart for their daddy! There is really something special about a fathers daughter bond.


Signed a 42 yo who would give anything if logistics would work out and just my dad and I could play a round of golf together.

You will never lose her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh op, I'm sorry for your loss but little girls always have a special place in their heart for their daddy! There is really something special about a fathers daughter bond.


Signed a 42 yo who would give anything if logistics would work out and just my dad and I could play a round of golf together.

You will never lose her!

Pp here. That didn't come out right. I meant to say:
I'm so sorry for your loss! Little girls always...

[Anonymous]

I agree that asking a friend or relative she has a good relationship with is the way to go. They will know more and have less embarrassment dealing with it and that's really what you want - that this is a matter-of-fact experience but that she gets the right thing. My only caveat would be to talk to her first about who she would like to go with - there may be women you would think of but who she might not want to go bra shopping with.

[Anonymous]

This post choked me up. You're a great dad. I hope your daughter appreciates how lucky she is.

I second (3rd, 4th ...) the suggestion to ask a friend's mom to take her. Way less awkward for everyone involved. She will really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Or, take her to a store, and ask the sales lady to help, while you sit on the side.

[Anonymous]

Aww! I think the ones at Victoria's secret Pink are sweet looking and not too sexy. She probably does want a regular bra and not a sports bra.

Maybe give her cash and tell her to buy one bra with her friends? That way she can see if she likes the style before buying more.

Oh and about the sports bras... I find them pretty uncomfortable and tight. I can run and jump in regular bras pretty easily. I mean I can't run the mile, but it doesn't hinder normal fun activities.

[Anonymous]

Go to aerie or Nordstrom, not VS. VS is a hypersexualized, body shaming nightmare and their stuff is crappy and overpriced.