Would this hurt your feelings?

[Anonymous]

I'm hurt by something husband said, and wonder how other people would feel in this case.

My husband was talking about the many reasons he's unhappy: too much stress and bullshit, too little time and money to enjoy life.

I wanted to point out something that's going well and pointed out that our babe (21 months old) is doing really well. She's happy, confident, healthy, friendly and curious and well-behaved. I truly believe that she's doing as well as she is because of the way she spends her days. I meant to say that a silver lining is that his hard work allows me to stay home, and I in turn go out of my way to provide what babe needs to develop so well.

And he said no, she would've been just as fine if we sent her to daycare as an infant. Meaning that I get no thanks or even recognition for making sure that babe's days are filled with exploration, animals, friends, encouragement, etc, etc. It just feels like such an insult and slap in the face. Would this upset you, or mean little to you?

[Anonymous]

Are you the same poster who drove your family to financial ruin to stay home taking care of "babe?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the same poster who drove your family to financial ruin to stay home taking care of "babe?"

You totally are. Of course he's unhappy. Stop martyring yourself, y'all are about to be homeless.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/520838.page#8057541

[Anonymous]

It wouldn't hurt my feelings as you seem to have little regard about what the stress of being the sole provider is doing to your spouse. There are good daycares that can provide a stimulating learning environment for a child. Not everyone can afford to be a stay at home parent.

[Anonymous]

Babe???? Really????

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am a sad babe with hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

Yes that would hurt my feelings for about 2 minutes, but then I'd remind myself that those comments are coming from a miserable person think "screw him" and I go in the other room and play with my baby and giggle with glee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes that would hurt my feelings for about 2 minutes, but then I'd remind myself that those comments are coming from a miserable person think "screw him" and I go in the other room and play with my baby and giggle with glee.

Read babe's previous thread and you'll realize that her husband has every right to be pissed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm hurt by something husband said, and wonder how other people would feel in this case.

My husband was talking about the many reasons he's unhappy: too much stress and bullshit, too little time and money to enjoy life.

I wanted to point out something that's going well and pointed out that our babe (21 months old) is doing really well. She's happy, confident, healthy, friendly and curious and well-behaved. I truly believe that she's doing as well as she is because of the way she spends her days. I meant to say that a silver lining is that his hard work allows me to stay home, and I in turn go out of my way to provide what babe needs to develop so well.

And he said no, she would've been just as fine if we sent her to daycare as an infant. Meaning that I get no thanks or even recognition for making sure that babe's days are filled with exploration, animals, friends, encouragement, etc, etc. It just feels like such an insult and slap in the face. Would this upset you, or mean little to you?

I just read a little of the other thread. If both are you, your husband is dying here. He needs some help supporting the family, and your comment about how great your daughter is doing is salt in his wounds. Have some empathy for HIM instead of just focusing on your hurt feelings. You've got to meet him halfway on this, or your marriage is doomed. And letting your credit go to hell to stay home is irresponsible parenting, IMO. Especially if you are struggling with money now. You either have to have tons of savings or good credit to survive in this world. Sounds like you don't have either. And your child deserves a financially stable household. It doesn't have to be rich, but it has to be stable.

[Anonymous]

Troll or no, 100% the same OP in both threads.

[Anonymous]

Although your pointing out a positive can be helpful THIS was not the time. He is the one who I think has the right to be upset here. I think sensitivity and empathy would've gone a lot further. Sounds insecure on your behalf to need your ego stroked or not just allow him to be stressed and try to open up to you.

[Anonymous]

You were not being empathetic. Have you injured yourself patting yourself on the back for how great a mother you are?

You know, I have two kids who are happy, confident, healthy, friendly and curious and well-behaved. However I work full time out of the home and the kids spend their days with a nanny.

And a friend of mine has two kids who are ALSO happy, confident, healthy, friendly and curious and well-behaved and they go to daycare.

You need to get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm hurt by something husband said, and wonder how other people would feel in this case.

My husband was talking about the many reasons he's unhappy: too much stress and bullshit, too little time and money to enjoy life.

I wanted to point out something that's going well and pointed out that our babe (21 months old) is doing really well. She's happy, confident, healthy, friendly and curious and well-behaved. I truly believe that she's doing as well as she is because of the way she spends her days. I meant to say that a silver lining is that his hard work allows me to stay home, and I in turn go out of my way to provide what babe needs to develop so well.

And he said no, she would've been just as fine if we sent her to daycare as an infant. Meaning that I get no thanks or even recognition for making sure that babe's days are filled with exploration, animals, friends, encouragement, etc, etc. It just feels like such an insult and slap in the face. Would this upset you, or mean little to you?

I don't know if you're a troll or not. But if you think dismissing the things your husband is feeling and thinking so that you can just run over it with what you are feeling and thinking, then all of the work you're putting into creating a fake bubble of joy with your "babe" will be for nothing because you are all but guaranteed to get a divorce and end up in poverty with the path you are on.

You sound disgusting, frankly. I hope you are a troll.

[Anonymous]

You're in debt when you don't have to be. Kid would be fine in daycare and she's not a baby anymore anyway.

[Anonymous]

I had a goal of being home with my kids for their first three years. DH and I discussed it before we married and were on the same page about it, and so far we've managed okay. But like a pp pointed out, that often means doing without things like retirement savings, or living in small spaces, shopping consignment and thrift shops. It's not okay to be at a point where you can't pay your bills!!!

Either you haven't cut back enough, or you simply cannot afford to stay at home. Your "babe" would be fine in daycare. What your dh said hurt your feelings because it's true. You're being financially irresponsible. That's not an acceptable trade-off for staying home.